My husband doesn't want another baby anymore.

Hi, I have the same experience. I have a 15-year-old son and I'm now over 40. I really wanted another child, but my husband didn't, and still doesn't. I find it hard because the grief and feelings don't go away. I'm incredibly grateful for my son and my life, and very happy with that, but the grief remains. No idea if it will ever disappear.

As far as I could read, there have been conversations with her partner. Can he specify why not? Maybe financially, or for another reason. You can't force someone. Then you're also at a point of how to proceed in a relationship. Do you accept no or end the relationship? How big is your desire for children? Weigh everything and whether it's all worth the pressure on your partner. (Well, with explanation then why no.)

Just wanted to add one thing. I have several brothers. And they are so focused on their partner that their family doesn't exist anymore So I didn't have much from my brothers.
In their case... very egocentric towards their family.

So how did it end up? I'm having the same problem... my husband really doesn't want a second child either because he already has a daughter from a previous relationship and thinks he's too old, etc. Everyone around me is pregnant with a second child and would also love to have a second one. I see that it might really be very good for my little boy... but yeah... he doesn't want to... and I'm sad. Hopefully, I can talk to someone about it.

@Beau how did it all turn out in the end?

I see a lot of useful replies that I completely agree with. Do you still want a second child with him after having received such a clearly painful answer so many times? And not only that, what if he says yes now, do you really want to bring a child into that situation? Unloved by his father.
I completely agree with you about the lies and fickleness. It's a rollercoaster. Terrible for you!!
Actually, you have two obvious options;
1. You accept that he doesn't want it anymore and you choose him and put it behind you. Never bring it up again because you're choosing this path.
2. Or you leave him and look for your happiness elsewhere. Find someone who shares the same dreams as you.
Either way, they're not easy. He's already caused so much damage. If he were to suddenly come back and say, "Oh, I was just really stressed about it, sorry.." then it might be manageable, but he just says no without any explanation. Just live with it.
He doesn't really think about you... whether to have kids or not, I find that pretty unsympathetic towards your wife/girlfriend anyway...
But I'm very curious how everything turned out for everyone up to now? I just quickly checked with mine. "Two? Maybe even three!". Aha.. but yeah, those men are just as changeable as the weather, as it turns out!

I really, really want a second baby, but my partner says no. I have such a strong desire to get pregnant again and give our daughter a brother or sister... The thought that she'll be alone when we're gone breaks my heart. I have two brothers myself. My partner also has two brothers from a previous relationship, but we hardly ever see his 13-year-old daughter anymore. My partner says, "Be happy with what you have now." I am, but I'd hate the idea of my daughter being alone. I also feel sorry for parents with only one child. If I could never get pregnant again, I'd be at peace with that, but I'd want to have tried.

I feel selfish. Why can't I just push this feeling aside and move on? The feeling is so strong, such a wish I hold onto. My daughter is now 2, and I'm 37. I hope this year my wish comes true and my partner changes his mind. I hope so...

Hi everyone,

I know this is an old thread, but I’d still like some advice.

My husband doesn’t want a second child either. He was really disappointed with the first one; he found the first year very hard. I could see that too, because he basically left most of it to me. I still do most of the work around the house. I know I could handle a second child in this way myself. But my husband really doesn’t want any more. He’s often down anyway, so we usually live according to his wishes. I’d really love to have another one if it works out, but I think it might cost us our relationship.

I love my husband very much, but he experiences things much more heavily than I do. So I also know he wouldn’t be able to handle a second one. Lately, though, I’ve been feeling like everything revolves around him.

My husband is often depressed and had a burnout when my son was about eight months old. So maybe it’s selfish of me to want another one. He works five days a week and I work three. I’ve already offered to work more and him less, because he has a lot of work stress too. But he never really listens to my solutions.

Best, Tess

Hi, I have a little boy who's almost 20 months old, and I've always said I want two kids. My partner is an only child and doesn't care much, but I just don't want my son to grow up alone, especially since the family line is kind of dying out, and I really, really want to experience everything all over again. A while back, he said he was okay with it but not right now (our little one was going through a dragon phase, so I get that). Yesterday, we went out to eat and talked about how I want to start my own driving school since my business isn't going well, but only after I leave my current job (which is about to happen because my boss is a jerk and doesn't know how to invest properly). I said then that we could still time the second child while I'm still working there—I have a permanent contract, and that way you have way less hassle than starting out on your own. That just won't work! But all I got back was: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, I DON'T WANT THAT ANYMORE!!! Pff, how do you deal with that? I also notice that I'm becoming more distant...

Marlies
I actually think that's a pretty good solution. I want a child, so I'm stopping the pill. If you don't want a baby, it's on him to prevent it. I'd bring it up in a very subtle way because I think there are plenty of men who could get pretty upset about this, but I personally find it to be a good solution.
Hihi

I know this story, unfortunately. We have a daughter who’s almost 2.5 years old. She was very much wanted, even though the timing was difficult for my husband. He kept backing out at first, but eventually he didn’t pull back anymore (I put it in his hands to avoid creating difficulties), and he was very happy that our girl was on the way. He was very concerned and caring until the moment she was born, then he pulled away and did nothing for or with her, even when I tried to help him. No, he kept distancing himself. Even now, while she’s already quite independent, he pays her almost no attention, and they barely have any bond.

Until recently, he said “I want a second child,” I didn’t quite understand why, but okay, we’d see. Both of us are only children and both wanted two kids. Half a year ago, it came up again, he absolutely didn’t want a second one anymore, his life was good, and a second wouldn’t be an enrichment. Even though he knew how big my wish was, he just said it like that and “voila, deal with it.” There was no more discussion, it would be like that.

And it hurt, of course, there you are, alone with a wish for a second child, but well, I have a beautiful daughter, so what am I complaining about? Swallow it and suppress that wish, and move on together with my little girl.

Until a couple of months ago, the word “baby” came up because of a birth nearby. Suddenly he said, maybe I do want a second one after all. I didn’t know if I should be happy or cry because it came up again! I pointed out that he had to be very sure before continuing with this conversation! A few days later he came back, very sure that he wanted a second one, he was ready for it. For two weeks he led me on until, during a conversation with him, I found out that he actually doesn’t really want it, it still doesn’t have to happen, a second isn’t an enrichment,... and he wanted me not to expect anything from him regarding help with a second child or anything like that. Now, I knew about that kind of help, but it hurt to be hurt again like that, the first time it hurt, but okay, swallow it and move on. But he knew it had hurt, and then reopening that wound and backing out again really cuts deep,...

Since then, there’s been no more talk here about babies, little ones, or anything related to the baby world, he doesn’t want that, and I don’t want to be hurt again like that. He doesn’t want a second one, so it won’t happen, it’ll be like that! For my little girl, I also think it’s a pity she’ll never have a brother or sister! But she’ll find her way, she’s such a sunshine in the house, so it’ll be fine! The worst part is still being hurt twice and not being able to talk about it!

Discussing it beforehand doesn't guarantee anything. We did that too; I thought we were on the same page, even though my desire for kids was stronger than his. Now that our daughter is 2.5, he's made it clear he doesn't want a second one. Where I once had hope that he would change his mind, I now know we won't be having another baby together. It makes me sad and angry. I recognize that feeling of powerlessness. The choice is being made for me. I don't want to break up my family just to fulfill my wish. It feels like choosing between two evils. I've made it clear to my partner that if he makes this choice and wants to keep our relationship, he also needs to be there for me and give space to my sadness and anger. Then we can carry that burden together. I had a night where I cried hard and let my anger out. It was tense, but not sharing it felt like a bigger time bomb under our relationship. I can't accept it yet; maybe I will later, maybe not. He blames me for saying that he and our daughter aren't enough for me. It's hard to explain that despite being very happy with them, I feel time slipping away... I don't want to look back in a few years and feel like I should have done something differently. Probably you can only accept the here and now, since you don't know how you'll feel about it in the future. But I just don't want to accept it yet. There's still a glimmer of hope, against all odds.....

Noor; how is sex now? What are you using for contraception? I really wouldn't take the pill or any other chemical methods. Just let him wear condoms and then you can have sex!

I completely relate to your story.
I also feel so betrayed by my partner.
We have a 5-year-old son and I'm still really longing for a 2nd child. It genuinely hurts my heart… I've literally been trying for 4 years now but just can't conceive.
When I first got to know my partner, I always talked about having a big family, even when I was pregnant and setting up the nursery for our son. I specifically bought everything in a unisex color scheme for if we ever had a 2nd child, so it would work for both a boy and a girl.
My partner never had to do anything for our child… I breastfed for a year and a half and changed all his diapers; he never had to get up even once. Now he just does whatever he feels like doing. I take on all the worries and don't mind doing it at all. But he just says we'll have one child. And the reason he gives is that he'd be unhappy with a 2nd child.
While it was always assumed we'd have a 2nd, and now he denies all these signs…
Whenever I bring it up, he literally laughs it off, and that hurts me the most of all… He has no understanding of how I feel or how much this affects me…
Sometimes I think about ending the relationship, but then I'd have to share my only child, so that's not an option for me… Everyone around me is pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd child, and I'm left hanging… It affects me so deeply… And I feel so bad for our son that I can't give him a brother or sister…
Sending lots of strength.