Forum Introductions

My husband doesn't want another baby anymore.

72 replies · page 1 of 4

CisGuest ·
I totally relate to that from my ex. He also never wanted a second child. When I was cleaning up everything from the first one and about to throw it all away, I broke down. I said I really want a second child, and if you don't, then I know. I wondered if our relationship could even survive that. I should've actually ended things back then, but he said we should go for a second child anyway. I was glad we were even married because I hoped it would help us work things out in our relationship. But nothing could be further from the truth, and in the end, I still got divorced.

I'm trying to tell you with this: if he really doesn't want it, you either have to accept it or make a different choice.

Because if you go ahead with the second child anyway and he doesn't support it, that could mean the end of your relationship. Sending you lots of strength.

Replies

Page 1 of 4

  1. joke Guest #2

    Hi!

  2. hoi ik ben loulou Guest #3

    Hi, I'm pregnant with 3 kids
    Tough, huh? he

  3. Nikki #4

    My husband didn't want a second one either, but I didn't mind. My first child (now 4) is so sweet and fun, and I really enjoy having him all to myself. I wanted a second child, but my husband couldn't even think about it. So I thought, well, then it doesn't have to be. Our little family was perfect and complete. Yes. Now I'm 5 months pregnant with my second child, and my husband and I have chosen to keep it. He's very happy, and so am I. But yes, I got pregnant by accident (seriously, nothing sneaky). So he just accepted it.
    Tip: Don't do it secretly; you can ruin your whole relationship with that. But if you really want a second child, you need to make a choice. Keep trying to talk about it; maybe he'll see that you really mean it.

    Hey, Good luck!!!

  4. Zina #5

    Hey,

    I became a mom to a beautiful daughter 7 months ago! She’s super healthy, but very busy and active. I’d really like a second child, but my partner isn’t keen on it. The reason is that both our moms (grandmas) have passed away, and we have very little help (babysitting, household help, etc.), so we’re often on our own. This means we have a very hectic life.

    I’m convinced things will get better as our daughter grows older, and then I’d really like a second child (when she’s around 3 years old, for example).

    I secretly hope my partner will change his mind, but I keep saying I want a second child within a few years. I’d never do it behind his back, but if he sticks to his decision, I don’t know if our relationship will survive.

    It’s a tough issue, but I also think you should draw your conclusions if you can’t be truly happy and come to terms with having just one child!

    Greetings

  5. Beau Guest #6

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for your replies!

    @Cis: Sorry to hear things fell apart between you two. I really want to stay with my husband, and that's exactly why it hurts so much. I hope you've found happiness again in the meantime!

    @Nikki: First of all, big congratulations on your pregnancy, hopefully everything is going well? Sometimes I wish I could just accept it, but unfortunately I can't just switch that off.
    Secretly stopping contraception never even occurred to me, and that's the last thing I'd do. I want to do this with him 100%, otherwise it's not worth it. He's an amazing partner, and that's exactly why I want to start a family with him for our baby.

    @Zina: Good to know I'm not alone. I was also planning to wait a good year before trying for a second, but when he said a firm NO, it really shocked me.
    We have such a fantastic relationship, and he's so crazy about our little treasure that I find it really weird that he doesn't want another. But on the other hand, he knew from the start that I would never consciously choose to have just one child. Can you talk about it well with your partner?

    Last week I talked to him for a very long time (hours), listed all the pros, and tears flowed. For a moment it seemed like it was going in the right direction, but then he said no again. However, he asked if he could think about it, and I said I'd let it rest for a while (otherwise I'm afraid that nagging too much will have the opposite effect).
    In the meantime, I got the question constantly over the weekend about when we're having a second child. Sigh...
    Looking forward to your answers.

  6. Zina #7

    Hi Beau,

    It's really hard to have a deep conversation with him. He only lists the negative aspects (too busy, financially heavy, ...) even though he loves our daughter to death. He says 'there won't be a second one' and when I really push him, he says 'we'll see', but I can hear in his voice that he's just saying that to get rid of my nagging. He's an only child and says he never missed having a brother/sister. I, on the other hand, have a brother and know how much support and love you can get from that...

    Well, we'll see for sure! I try not to talk about it too much, but keep the idea warm by mentioning it occasionally.

  7. loulou Guest #8

    hi

  8. Cis started this #9

    I think I'm the happiest woman on earth whahahash no joke I've met the love of my life and we're even having a baby together

  9. Nikki #10

    Congratulations!!!!! That's beautiful. You have a lovely belly and look radiant!
    Enjoy it.

    Nikki

  10. madelene #11

    To be completely honest, this has never been a discussion in our family. My husband is more spontaneous about many things—maybe crazy, but all our kids, we have two, were never discussed or planned. It's funny that now with the third, we did plan it. The only child we consciously chose for.

    My two girls were always welcome, of course, but with the third, we only started discussing it. Maybe because it's the last one. If I'm blessed with a third child, of course, you also have to wait and see.

    Greetings, Madelene

  11. madelene #12

    My eldest was almost 1 when I started on a 2nd, I never really thought about it for long, just did it and so didn't discuss it with each other.
    Greetings, Madelene

  12. hellieberrie #13

    Hi anonymous, what a tough situation. Maybe it helps to write a letter explaining how much a second child would mean to you. That way, you can calmly put everything down in writing and be sure you’ve said it all. He can then choose his own moment to respond; I think men always find it really hard to put into words what they think and feel. I can imagine it comes as a shock if you expected you were on the same page about having a second child... I hope you can work it out. Good luck!

  13. Edith #14

    What’s this disgusting spam from a bunch of little kids doing amidst all the serious replies? People probably don’t realize how much you can really crush someone’s spirit. Or do they? That makes it even sadder.

    Are there no moderators here to remove such replies? I can’t find any way to report spam or other issues - not even a subforum for it. It’s too late in this thread now (this happened in September), but I’ve recently seen more of those annoying spammers on the forum. Does anyone know where/how to report this?

  14. Anonymous Guest #15

    Hi, we're dealing with the same issue. My husband absolutely doesn't want a second child. We got pregnant pretty quickly with our first, and she's just turned one now. I've brought it up with him a few times. At first, he said no, but that he wanted to think about it. I understood that. In the following weeks, he kept telling our daughter that she might get a brother or sister. Then, out of nowhere, he told me he'd thought about it again and he doesn't want to—it costs too much money. That's his stance. I don't know what to do next. He doesn't want to, but I really do.

  15. Ikke Guest #16

    Beau,
    I think this topic is already a bit old, but my question now is, how does it stand now?
    I'm in exactly the same situation. My daughter is already almost 3 years old, and I can't even bring myself to talk about it anymore because I already know the answer. But it makes me want to burst into tears. The feeling that I'll only ever be a mother to one child hurts so much. I really don't know how to even start talking about this. I have an IUD and I just can't bring myself to secretly get it removed, you know.
    Pfff, such a tough situation.

  16. Elineke #17

    hey,

    I went through the same thing in the past.
    We always really wanted 2 kids. But after the first one came, it was an emergency C-section (we could both have died if it had taken any longer) And since then my partner was like, no more 2nd.
    I accepted that decision because dwelling on it wouldn't have helped at all.
    But when our treasure was 2 and a half, he suddenly brought it up himself whether we shouldn't have a 2nd.
    We talked it over for a long time, reassured him, and also talked a lot with the gynecologist. And then we started trying for a 2nd together, I'm super happy
    Now I have 2 treasures of kids

  17. Marlies #18

    I once read the advice to stop using contraception and leave the responsibility to the man.

    You should tell him that then!

    You're clearly putting control in his hands. If he doesn't want a child, it's also his job to prevent it.

  18. MrsDeVos #19

    Hi everyone!

    What a tough situation... Especially when both partners seem to agree, and then one suddenly changes their mind. Too bad...

    In our case, it's the other way around. My husband is definitely keen on having 2 kids, and I'm really unsure if I feel the same (I'm currently pregnant with our first). But he doesn't make it a big deal though. He's already so happy about our little girl on the way. And I've always been honest about this from the start of our relationship. He knew that a second child wasn't a given We'll see what the future brings!

  19. Miss Butterfly #20

    I'm going to be brutally honest for a second, but I find your husband's attitude unfair and childish. It's perfectly possible that he doesn't want two kids, but he could handle that conversation like an adult. He also needs to make space for you in that discussion and at least listen to why it's important to you. If he still says no after that, it's a well-considered no. Right now, it just feels so blunt.

    I'd tell him that you feel like he's just pushing you aside (and sorry, but that's what he's doing in my eyes). This is a major decision, and you make it together as a couple. I agree that pushing too hard is absolutely not the solution (you can't just demand he have a second child), but it's also unfair that you're not being heard. "Not bringing it up again" is something you can do when choosing the color of a new car, not when it comes to having a child.

    We have a similar issue to some extent. I'd love a big family. My husband brought it up once before, and back then I wasn't into it, but now I think it'd be amazing. He just isn't keen on it and absolutely doesn't want more than two kids. We talked it through properly, and he had really reasonable arguments for why he felt it would be too heavy for him. So I was able to accept it without bitterness (though secretly, I still hope for twins... or maybe not... his arguments were pretty solid...).

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.