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My husband doesn't want another baby anymore.

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  1. jessie95 #21

    Amanda poorly translated via Google Translate

  2. Beau Guest #22

    Hi everyone,

    It’s been quite a while since I started this topic.
    In the meantime, my man had completely changed his mind and it was certain: this June I would stop the pill.
    But the day before yesterday, another terrible blow to my face: actually, he doesn’t really support it after all????
    I didn’t know what to believe! Finally it was almost time, counting the months eagerly...
    I’m sadder than ever and I’ve had enough. I’m not sleeping anymore... He comforts me, he’s unhappy to see me so sad but it doesn’t help at all. I feel lied to. Now I really don’t know what to do and I’m on the verge of despair..

    Love, Beau

  3. Chelsea #23

    My boyfriend doesn't know yet if he wants a second child. We're 17 weeks pregnant and we're over the moon. But he already has 2 older kids from his previous relationship, and this first one was already quite a heated discussion point, but let's leave that aside for now. I don't know what I'd do if he wants to stop here. I think I'd just accept it. But if the kid ever whines about why they don't have a brother or sister, I'd say, "Your dad only wanted one child, sweetheart." And if we're on vacation again and the kid gets bored, I'd probably make a comment like, "Well, if only you had a brother or sister..." A bit cheesy, I don't think it'll do any good, but it lightens the mood a bit. I've always been glad I had a sister. She's my best friend now. The only children I know are a bit attention-seeking, I think, and egocentric. But that could be coincidence. Good luck with it!

  4. Betty #24

    Gosh, I wouldn't know what to do if I wanted a second child and my boyfriend suddenly didn't want any more kids. I'm crazy about him, but I've wanted children for many years and definitely more than one.

    My first reaction would indeed be to stop the pill (and make sure to tell him) and have him take care of contraception, but I also realize that he might then decide to end things for good.

    Maybe you should first create a pros and cons list together, making sure you're well-prepared. Or counter arguments like finances by earning a few extra hours of income from working from home? Or cutting back on a few things to create financial room. In any case, keep talking and explain that you really don't understand why he feels this way. Maybe it runs deeper—maybe he's afraid of losing you and facing life with children alone?

  5. jessie95 #25

    My husband and I discussed this before we even started having kids. That way, we can't argue about it later.

  6. Betty #26

    What if he suddenly wants something different than what you two discussed?

  7. jessie95 #27

    Haha, I actually didn't think about it. I don't think I should assume he suddenly wants something different, since we obviously made arrangements for a reason.

    But I am curious how I would react if things suddenly went differently.

  8. Beau Guest #28

    Thanks for your replies. It feels so good to let this out.
    We've been talking for hours over the last few days, to no avail...
    Every argument I bring up he dismisses as nonsense, but when I asked what disadvantages he sees in having a second child, he said there are none. I've never gotten one solid reason why he doesn't want to. He says there's no reason, he's just happy with our son as is. Sorry, but I can't just accept that. It was almost time
    Everyone around me is getting pregnant, I'm confronted with it from all sides, I'm just desperate. My whole body is screaming for another baby..

  9. Beau Guest #29

    Jessie95: He already knew this from the moment we got together; he even wanted three. That’s why this is so painful..

  10. jessie95 #30

    Really super annoying, I wish I had tips for you

  11. nicole 1979 #31

    just find this pure abuse of your psyche
    you first make her so happy and then this what possessed him say.
    i would tell him firmly what he's doing to you.. sleep in another room and let him feel that his comfort feels like salt in the wounds.
    come on girl no one should play with your feelings like this you don't choose a toy doll that you're not going to pick up anyway.

  12. kim Guest #32

    I understand the disappointment and the longing!

    But what I don't get... wanting kids with someone who doesn't want any (more) with you.
    My ex and I have one, my new partner and I have two. My ex didn't want any more after previous promises... and I didn't want any more with him either, because I wouldn't feel anything about being pregnant anyway.
    Unwanted by dad... terrible feeling!!!

  13. melise #33

    Hi Beau,

    So relatable. This has been going on for over a year for us. My husband felt we needed to move to a bigger place before starting on baby #2. We moved into a lovely house last February. Then he wanted to wait until summer, and once we were on holiday, he said I could stop the contraception. I was really looking forward to it, but right before that, he said I was putting too much pressure on him and that he actually doesn't want it at all... Then he came back to it and wanted to postpone it for a few months... Now it's been a year, and I don't even dare to bring it up anymore... He thinks I'm selfish and I have to accept his choice... But in the meantime, I've been asking Maks if he wants a brother or a sister, and that he thinks Zoe is such a pretty girl's name... P.S. My husband has an extreme fear of water!

  14. nicole 1979 #34

    I can't imagine a woman letting herself be pushed around like that. It's totally fine for a man to set his boundaries, but why make those empty promises then?
    A friend of mine had a husband who did the same thing. Meanwhile, he was cheating on her and building his own little nest. What weird men are out there.

  15. Beau Guest #35

    @melise wow girl, this is indeed really similar. How do you deal with this? I'm going crazy from this powerlessness. The men think we're selfish, but I find it much worse to lie and to not let you have a say in the names (which he also did). I told him he can sell all the baby stuff if he's so sure. He thinks this will just "blow over". Our feelings apparently don't count.. As if it's a switch we can turn on and off, pfff.

    @nicole1979: you're 100% right and I'm really not soft on him at the moment. He'll feel it and have a guilty conscience. If he only wants one, okay, but the lying I find really the worst. Trust is gone...

  16. melise #36

    @Beau, I'm not sure how to handle this yet. I can't switch off the feeling, and it's really incredibly strong. My ovaries are going crazy and the false hope and lying are indeed the worst parts. Right now, I'm still in the phase where I hope it'll blow over for him, and that if I just let it rest for now, things will eventually work out... but I have no idea how I'll react if he really sticks to his stance.

  17. Beau Guest #37

    I also stayed silent for half a year because I didn't want to push him into getting such a rebound effect. But unfortunately, it turned out this way anyway.
    Today at the school gate, the countless mom told me she's pregnant with her second, and my heart breaks inside.. :-(
    I'm jumping with longing and then knowing that he simply bursts my dream to pieces in one go and takes it away. I really don't know anymore.

  18. nicole 1979 #38

    @melise @beau. Big hug, I think this is really terrible for you both.

  19. DeeDee012 #39

    Oh girls, what stories! Here, my husband also didn't want a second one at first, but he did change his mind. Now I'm pregnant with number 2.

    We had lots of talks about whether or not to have a second child. The pros and cons. The reasons are very clear to yourself, but his reasons are clear too. It mainly becomes difficult when it's a feeling, from whichever side. I felt very strongly that I wanted another child, and he felt quite strongly that he didn't. What do you do then? Someone else doesn't know how strong the feeling is.

    The thought did cross my mind here to suggest stopping, because yes, my desire for children wasn't that big. Fortunately, I never said that out loud; I didn't want that to be a reason for him to want a child after all.

    We talked a lot, and I shed many tears. He also asked our daughter here if she wanted a sister or brother. Then I got so angry. You don't ask that when you know I'd like another child.

    Eventually, he suddenly brought it up himself that he did want a second child. He often struggles with the fact that he needs to think about things for a very long time, and his first answer is always no. That's how it was with this too. He's very happy that a little one is coming.

    I hope this is granted to you too. And don't play with your feelings, indeed. Your feelings are important too! Beyond that, it's up to you how this goes forward. What if he really doesn't want another child? Think carefully about what you want and what's important. This is and remains a difficult decision.

  20. Chelsea #40

    Really tough situation. It's easy for others to tell you what to do. Maybe at first you thought, "Puh, if he doesn't want a second one, I'll leave him," but when you're actually facing it yourself, it's still hard. How happy are you with him otherwise? Have you been together for a long time? Maybe you should threaten to break up once in a while; sometimes that helps. But it could also be that he agrees right away, like, "If that's your choice, I respect that." Grrrr, then the mission has failed. You could also take a weekend away just with your child to say you need to think things over. That might help too. But yeah, if you already have to blackmail him like that... I think I could come to terms with it if I were otherwise very happy in my relationship. It would be different if my husband didn't want any kids at all and I did; that's when you'd more likely say, "Well, then we both want different things in life and maybe we should find someone who fits us better." Just want to help out sometimes. But not to push you or anything, okay!

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