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My husband doesn't want another baby anymore.

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  1. Beau Guest #41

    Thanks, girls, for the supportive words...
    Meanwhile, I've truly reached my breaking point. He keeps saying sorry and hugging me, showing how unhappy he is that I'm so sad. But the last person I need comfort from is him, because HE is the cause of this.
    As I said before, I told him that if he's so sure about this, he should put all the baby stuff (bath, crib, baby room, stroller...) up for sale. He's been saying for 4 days that he'll put them up for sale, but still hasn't done it. If he really sells them, I'll draw a definitive line under this. Then I won't have to hear later that he wants one more after all. And he knows that.
    It's a shame that this has created such a big distance between us when we had such a great relationship, and I just wanted to take the next step in our little family, together with him, together with our son...

  2. melise #42

    Exactly what you're saying, Beau! This is so incredibly difficult. You have a good relationship, but you want a second child so much that you're no longer so sure about your relationship. This sounds really selfish, but I've wanted multiple children my whole life, and my husband knows that. I don't want to have to choose between the two..

  3. Chelsea #43

    The tricky part is that if you just accept it, it always kind of gets stuck in the back of your mind, especially when you see other families with multiple kids. Like I said before, it was a pretty heated discussion point for us whether we even wanted a kid at all—I did, and he basically didn’t. That gnawed at me day and night, that uncertainty. You start doubting everything, thinking, “I’m still young, I’ll go looking for someone who wants the same things as me,” while meanwhile, your partner is super cheerfully chatting away about work. And I’d look at him like, “How can you even be so calm when I’m stressing so much over this, while you’ve already forgotten about it, apparently!!” hehe, and then he’d give me such a nasty look.

  4. melise #44

    Indeed, we sleep with it and we wake up with it. Is he worth giving up our second child wish? I think I'll make it clear to him calmly that I'm not sure if I want to stay with him because my desire for a second child is really too big.

    A friend of mine also found it very nice when I changed from the brand pill last month. Then you just don't take the pill and have a nice excuse.. but of course you're not pregnant in 1 month and that's not the way you want to have children..

    Difficult difficult difficult! Aren't there any men who want to talk to our men?

  5. Chelsea #45

    That’s what a surprisingly large number of people told me too, when my husband wasn’t sure if he still wanted kids. Then I was supposed to just “forget” my pill for a bit. Is that really the way to do it? I found it unbelievable that people suggested that.

    Have I already mentioned that you can also take a weekend away with your child on your own, and tell him you need to think about whether you can live with his decision? Sometimes that helps. In the best-case scenario, he eventually agrees, and once they’ve crossed that threshold, they suddenly find it absolutely lovely. You just have to give those men a little kick now and then, hahaba.

  6. melise #46

    I think my hubby wants to, but he has a huge fear of water. (He does, but especially in this case) haha! Otherwise why would he ask Max if he wants a brother or a sister, and that he thinks Zoe is such a nice girl's name. So he is (was) thinking about it. When we first moved into this house, he didn't even want to put too much effort into the study, and no expensive desk since it would eventually become the baby's room...

    Hubby is away for work from tomorrow until Wednesday, so I'll have some time at home to think it over properly. Taking some time for myself with the little man, good idea! Nice to share this with you all.

  7. Beau Guest #47

    It's really like I'm hearing myself talk. I just wrote down all my feelings and maybe I'll let him read it. What do you think?
    But I fear it won't persuade him; he sticks to his position.
    Every argument I bring up is just nonsense to him; he doesn't even try to understand it. So frustrating, pff!

    Regarding contraception: I will never stop taking the pill behind his back and "accidentally" get pregnant, but I really don't feel like taking that stupid pill every day with reluctance anymore. I've also said that I'm stopping; he needs to make sure there won't be a second one, because it's him who doesn't want any more. Condoms, sterilization, whatever, but he can't expect me to take contraception because he doesn't want a baby anymore.

  8. Beau Guest #48

    Thanks Melise! I've read it once and there are indeed some good arguments in it.
    So yesterday, as I said, I put all my feelings down on paper, and it really turned into a long letter.
    His response: I've read it, which site did you get all that from?
    I was completely stunned by such a cold and distant reaction, couldn't believe what I was hearing!
    It's clear that my sadness and feelings don't matter to him, I give up...
    The atmosphere has dropped to freezing point, I barely speak to him anymore. I just can't get it out of my head that he kept me on a string for so long, that's the worst part.
    Fortunately, I can let off some steam here. Thanks for that!

  9. Chelsea #49

    Omg my dad always says that when I tell him something: "Do they say that on Facebook?" Then I get so angry, feeling so inferior. And that's just Facebook, so acquaintances, friends. But it's a bit different from your situation, of course. At home I sometimes share a fact about pregnancy, and then my boyfriend also says that I shouldn't listen too much to the exaggerated stories of strangers on the internet.

  10. DeeDee012 #50

    Oh, what a reaction, wow! Guys!!

    I hope you figure it out! Whatever choice you make..

  11. melise #51

    Hang in there! Take some time to think it over calmly yourself... let it rest for a while (at least try to) and try to keep the mood relaxed at home too... arguing just makes it easier for him.. Keep me posted! I'm also going to think it over carefully in the coming days. XX

  12. Beau Guest #52

    I haven't done anything else but think.
    He just said that no matter what I say, he will never change his mind.
    And all this while the folic acid was ready to start taking next month. For him, it's all easy talk; he doesn't feel what I feel.
    I'm truly so incredibly sad.
    How are you feeling, Melise?

  13. melise #53

    Hi Beau, how are you doing now? ????

  14. Anonymous Guest #54

    Hi Beau,

    I've replied to your topic before.
    My husband also has a lot of doubts.
    I just read your story about how your husband initially wanted to, but in the end changed his mind. These are always really heavy disappointments.
    And I can imagine that you're starting to doubt everything in your relationship.

    I've had the same situation: he made promises at first, and then a while later said no, I don't want to.

    But no matter how hard I found it to discuss it with him, we ended up talking it through again and again. And I asked him if he really didn't want a second child, he shouldn't keep trying to make me happy with promises he doesn't really stand by.
    During this conversation, I found out that other people had advised him not to have a second child.

    After a lot of talking, we decided to try for a second anyway.
    I really hope things work out the same for you. And that your husband ultimately supports having a second child. I wish you lots of strength. I know it's incredibly difficult.

  15. Anonymous Guest #55

    No matter how hard it is. Choose your own happiness and that of your son.
    Someone who plays with your feelings like this doesn't care about you at all.
    The one who says to you, if you put your feelings on paper, which site did you get that from.

    He constantly tells you all sorts of lies. And then keeps stepping on your heart. Isn't it even worth being with
    Think about your health, from this destructive uncertainty you'll go crazy. Don't do that to yourself. And his chatter of "I think it's so terrible that you're unhappy." Don't fall for it. He has no idea how intensely unhappy you become because of his false promises. Or he doesn't care. Reading your story, I mainly think the latter.

  16. Sweetwoman #56

    My boyfriend didn't want a second child either, and at first, not even a first one. After I was told in the hospital that I might never get pregnant, he decided to try anyway because he saw how much sadness I was in. Our son is 2 years old now, and I started feeling unhappy because he didn't want a second child—he was very firm about it. Recently, I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings. That same evening, he didn't say a word, but the next day he said: "If you show that you can handle it (household/full-time job...), then you can have a second." So, my IUD is coming out in December!
    Hopefully, your husband will also come around.
    You can also send me a private message if you want to know anything or need to share your thoughts!

  17. Anonymous Guest #57

    Sweetwoman, the way you put it sounds like you're talking about a puppy. What does that mean if you show that you can handle a full-time job and household? You don't want to say that you both work full-time and you're only responsible for the household, do you? I assume he'll also contribute his share if you both work. That would be really nice.

  18. Chelsea #58

    Meh, it looks a bit weird, but that's probably not what was meant. My boyfriend asked me that too, like "how are you going to do that, financially and with your other hobbies and activities?" More like "what do you think?"

  19. Sweetwoman #59

    @anoniem I did indeed write it a bit short, but it's definitely not like a puppy! I really think you should both truly stand behind it together and not try to persuade the other person. If my boyfriend still hadn't wanted it after I had poured out all my feelings to him, I should have accepted his feelings. (however hard that was)
    We both work full-time indeed. Because I was so worked up in my head, and angry/sad that I wouldn't get a second child if it was up to him, I also let the household chores slide a bit (not that it was dirty, but that I let "my tasks" slip). Because of that, he had to do more earlier
    Now I've found my power again and I'm tidying up extra things to make space for our second child, in case I get pregnant.

  20. Chelsea #60

    Hihihihi I totally relate to that. I try to be "the perfect housewife" by keeping everything tidy, cooking delicious meals, and being loving, getting things he likes, with the quiet hope that good behavior will be rewarded hahaha. I'll stick with the puppy comparison for now (a)

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