Keep or Abort

Bueno 2 months ago #21

Thanks Floydi! Sorry, I just skimmed over your message.

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #22

Well, it's sweet of you to say that, but it's not necessary. But I do think there's a big chance I'll regret it if I have it removed. That, combined with the fact that I wasn't even out of my depression yet, is the biggest reason for me to be against abortion in this case.

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #23

Well, I'd prefer to have contact through somewhere else. Do you know a way?

Bueno 2 months ago #24

Hey Ikkej, whoa, I don't mean to say you should have an abortion at all! Not at all, sorry if I gave you that impression. Again, you should do what your heart tells you. If you think you can handle it and your relationship is strong enough for a little one... go for it! If you have doubts... well, then you should think it over carefully.

About your depression... my personal opinion. Raising a baby while you're depressed...? Seems like a bad foundation to me. Your hormones will throw everything into chaos, and on top of sleep deprivation etc., you're going to have a really tough time anyway. Plus, you'd also have a higher risk of postpartum depression. Something to keep in mind.

Do your research and please don't assume that "everything will work out," because that's just burying your head in the sand. And being afraid of regret... you need to think beyond that. It's about the future of your little one and what kind of future you can give that child. A kid doesn't benefit from the word "regret" if they have a crappy childhood ;-)

floydi 2 months ago #25

Small addition: I've been having panic attacks since I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I had some in my youth, but had been symptom-free for 6 years before my pregnancy. There are special maternity clinics for pregnant women with psychological issues. They're also supporting me now. Extra checks for the little one and help for me to deal with the panic attacks.

With bueno, the hormones do crazy things to me, unfortunately bringing up old wounds. They said at the maternity clinic that hormones are just crazy; some women with symptoms are actually more symptom-free. You never know, but my point is: the maternity clinic is specifically there for situations with more than just physical symptoms.

Bueno 2 months ago #26

Oh Floydi, that's pretty intense. I can imagine you're not happy about that either. Did you have trauma in your childhood? I hear more often that events from the past can resurface during pregnancy. It's good that you have help! I've never heard of pop poli before. You see, every house has its cross. The grass is never greener on the other side. But it's really nice that you're pregnant!

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #27

Went to the doctor this morning, and she doesn't want to do a blood test because home pregnancy tests are good enough to determine if you're pregnant. But she will refer me if we decide to keep the baby.
Got an appointment tomorrow at the abortion clinic for a consultation. My boyfriend is coming with me. I'm really curious. Yesterday we both leaned heavily towards abortion. As painful as that may be right now.

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #28

I mean referring to the polio vaccine because of my past, etc.

Bueno 2 months ago #29

I wish you lots of strength and courage with your choice, Ikkej. Hugs

BabyBoo 2 months ago #30

Well, it's great that you've been able to live well with your choice, but there are also people who later regret having an abortion. Maybe I didn't choose the right words, but I mean it purely from my own perspective and in general.

BabyBoo 2 months ago #31

Floydi, what's the difference between a regular GP and a perinatal care specialist? Can you tell me more about that? I myself also have mental health issues and we're currently trying to conceive our first child. I'm also worried that my mental health issues might worsen during pregnancy.

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #32

You can only go to the baby mental health clinic if you have a history of mental health issues, are pregnant, and want to keep the baby. At least that’s what I understood from the doctor today. Because they can’t refer me until I’m sure whether I want to keep it.

BabyBoo 2 months ago #33

That history will turn out fine haha

floydi 2 months ago #34

Hi babyboo, it's a clinic where three different departments work together: psychology, psychiatry, and gynecology. It's meant for pregnant women or women who want to become pregnant and have known mental health issues. Just right for you too.

The referral can be given by your GP or midwife.

They'll also discuss what kind of support you need and what the risks are for you and your (future) little one. In my case, it was about choosing whether to take medication for panic attacks or not. After good counseling, I chose not to. The risks for the little one are substantial, and the benefit for me was marginal. Then I still have the risks from the stress, which means I get extra check-ups to monitor the growth and development of the little one. That's really nice.

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #35

Hi everyone,
I went to the abortion clinic this morning. If I do go through with an abortion, it will be on October 16th. But I'm not 100% sure yet. My boyfriend leans towards abortion but supports my choice, so to speak. But I don't want to be the one deciding whether he becomes a father or not. Is that weird?

floydi 2 months ago #36

Hi Meis, how are you doing now? Have you found a choice you can stand by?

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #37

Hi,
Yeah, I think so. I think I'll do what's sensible on Monday and what's better for my physical and mental health. I just can't handle having this pain, nausea, and fatigue for another 7.5 months.
Right now, I'm fairly at peace with it, but the question is how we'll react when it's really gone because you never know, of course. I hope my partner doesn't mind and stuff.
But my partner hopes again that I won't get mad at him and stuff.
X IkkeJ

Anonymous Guest 2 months ago #38

Just keep in mind that the nausea and fatigue will likely decrease significantly or even disappear (often around 12 weeks). So it doesn't seem likely that you'll be dealing with these symptoms throughout your entire pregnancy.

IkkeJ started this 2 months ago #39

Hi, it could be, but when I look at the stress we're under and its effect on me, it keeps the symptoms going. Plus, I have fibromyalgia, which also makes me more tired and stuff. And fatigue also keeps the nausea going.

Betty Guest 2 months ago #40

Nausea and fatigue are mainly due to the hCG hormone, and it starts to decrease between 12 and 16 weeks.. it really does get better. Around that time, you'll also start feeling your baby in your belly, which makes you realize what you're doing it for.

I wouldn't base a potential abortion on that.

I'd base it purely on the future of you and your baby.

Can you emotionally handle taking care of a little one? You need to make sure there's someone around 24/7. The first 3 months of their life require enormous energy, and while it gets a bit easier after that, you're still tied to them.

Can you financially manage it? There are plenty of support organizations and long live Marktplaats, but if you want to continue studying and working, there needs to be someone for your little one. You can't just do that on the side.

Those are, in my opinion, the important considerations.

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