Forum Parenting

My mother-in-law

6 replies

mama26j
Well, I'm having issues with my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been together for two years now. At the beginning, I had no problem with her at all, and we actually got along very well. The problems started when my partner and I decided to get married after a year... It was too fast, she was completely against it, she didn't want to be part of it... etc... Then, when I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant, we decided to just get married at the city hall with just the two of us... I also had a very difficult pregnancy from the start: high blood pressure, had to rest, etc.... That's when the problems began... At Christmas, she started shouting at the whole family that I was crazy and asked if I thought it was normal that we were getting married without her, and so on... The next day, the stress made my blood pressure struggle even more... The baby meant absolutely nothing to her... In the end, I did invite her to the wedding, where she commented on everything all day long... We also asked her if she wanted to babysit the little one one day a week, no strings attached... She said no unless we paid her... Later she wanted to do it anyway, etc... From then on, she was calm enough, except for the usual gossip about me, but I can live with that... Now, the biggest problem... Since our little girl was born, she's interfering with everything... Nothing I do is good enough, and she always thinks she knows better... She also goes against my wishes and does things with my child that I've specifically asked her not to do... Small example: she thinks my little girl should sleep, but I clearly told her that's not the case (we even got a comment from the family doctor that she sleeps too much at grandma's), so she took my little one out of my arms and rocked her to sleep anyway. Or, I'm against walkers, so she bought one and is going to use it, even though I'm against it because I have a premature baby and I'm convinced that a walker causes developmental delays... The worst part is that my husband completely supports her and says I'm exaggerating... and that I just have to accept it because she means well and he only has one mother... This constantly causes fights between us... Now I'm pregnant with my second child, and I really don't see how I can handle this anymore... Has anyone experienced this?

Replies

  1. * #2

    @mama 26 years old,
    It's a shame that your partner isn't supporting you. In my opinion, your mother-in-law doesn't give enough attention, and your husband leans too much on his mother and barely supports you.
    I would suggest getting a social worker or someone similar to support you or just talk to if I were you.

    But also make it very clear to your partner what the consequences are of his mother's behavior and the little support you get from him.
    What about your own family, friends, or acquaintances?
    I don't have personal experience with this myself,
    but I do with family members of my partner, though that has been resolved for now.
    But it's always lurking around the corner, so I can definitely understand that meddling.

    My ex-mother-in-law meddled in everything, but I don't have that problem anymore. I was too dependent back then, so part of it was on me too. Well girl, I hope you can do something with this,

    Strength with everything, hugs Ju

  2. Lexie #3

    Yes, mothers-in-law and their sons... it's always such a tricky situation. It's really awful when your husband doesn't see at all what you're dealing with, so you constantly feel like you're hitting a wall. As a mother, you know what's best for your child, and it's incredibly frustrating when someone else doesn't listen to you and even does things you really don't want.

    Maybe you should be clearer with her or with your husband. I think you should point out the issue the moment it happens and stand your ground. So if she wants to rock your child to sleep when you don't want that, don't hand over your child and clearly say that you're the mother and therefore in charge. Otherwise, I wouldn't know what else to do...

    Good luck!!!

  3. mama26j started this #4

    Hey thanks for the reply... I myself have a good relationship with my mom and two sisters... we're also currently living with my mom... but luckily I have a mom who always asks permission before doing something, etc...
    I think I'll indeed talk to someone about this... I'll manage to sort it out for my second child anyway...

  4. mama26j started this #5

    Hey, thanks for your reply...
    I've now clearly stated that I'm the mother and that they need to respect my decision, and if they don't, I won't leave my child with them anymore... But now I've gotten a response saying that I'm just being difficult, exaggerating, and trying to take away her grandparents...
    I'm completely losing hope over this...

  5. * #6

    @Mama26j,
    I understand that you're having a tough time, but I find it pretty difficult to give good advice in this situation. I think it's a shame that your husband is so clearly taking his mother's side. Like Lexie said, you're the boss and you're the mother, and you know very well what's best for your child(ren).
    Otherwise, maybe consider visiting a social worker.
    Good luck, and I hope you find a solution for that interfering mother-in-law..

    Kind regards, Ju

  6. Amanda86 #7

    Mama26j
    wow, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
    I can totally shake your hand over a terrible mother-in-law.

    My boyfriend tries to fix things between us two as best he can, which is totally not going to work.
    I'm completely done with it, and yeah, he also says it's on me and that I'm being difficult.

    I was just very clear and maybe a terrible woman at that moment.
    But I managed to reach my point: she doesn't look after the little one, she barely even sees him.

    When we visit and she holds my little one, my hair stands on end.
    But anyway, it's hard to say how I could help you, everyone is different and I'm a bit more intense on that matter than someone else would be.
    Hopefully he'll come to his senses one day.
    Because I can understand that this puts extra pressure on your relationship.
    Sending you tons of strength.

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