Forum Parenting

Keep or Abort

69 replies · page 1 of 4

IkkeJ
Hi!
I'm 22 now and should have given birth in June, but I'm now wondering if it's wise to keep the baby or not. We don't have our own place to live yet, and I'm still studying, but I've come out of a depression myself, so I also don't know if it's smart to have an abortion.
Are there any people with experience who can give me advice?
Greetings, IkkeJ

Replies

Page 1 of 4

  1. Anne-Mieke Guest #2

    Hi Ikke,
    A tough situation you're in.
    You can find honest information about abortion and its consequences on the websites www.erishulp.nl and www.abortus-info.nl.
    I know that at Er is Hulp, they have the knowledge and ability to help you make the right choice.
    My advice is to contact them. They have experience.
    Warm regards,
    Anne-Mieke

  2. floydi #3

    Hi there,
    What a tough choice. Do you have supportive family or friends who can help you with this decision? Having a baby is overwhelming, especially if your life isn't set up for it, but not having one is also really tough. No one can tell you what the best choice is—you'll have to weigh it out and feel it out for yourself. I wish you all the strength and support. How is your partner doing with this?

  3. IkkeJ started this #4

    Hi,
    It's sweet that you're responding.
    I've checked the sites and thanks for the info.
    My partner isn't sure how he feels about it, but one day I want an abortion and the next day he does. If he wants an abortion, I want to keep it, and vice versa.
    Love, Joyce

  4. Betty Guest #5

    I haven't heard anyone mention one more option yet, namely adoption. You could also look into that..

  5. IkkeJ started this #6

    I don't think I could handle carrying a child for 9 months and then giving it up, knowing it lives somewhere else without me having any influence on it.

  6. IkkeJ started this #7

    I'm at the point where I'd let it go with my head but keep it with my heart.
    Do you follow your head or your heart?

  7. floydi #8

    Honestly, I think your heart. If you listen to your head, your heart will suffer a lot. If you listen to your heart, you'll have to work hard in life, but that's true for everyone, especially all parents I think you can do it, girl!

  8. Bueno #9

    I don't agree. I followed my head, not my heart, and I've never regretted it. You need to have the means and feel like you can handle it together with your partner. If you don't have that feeling, then... it remains a terrible choice. I made that choice at 19. And adoption... well... I don't think I could do that either.

  9. floydi #10

    I agree with you, but you don't want to have to make a choice, and ultimately, the choice is very personal for everyone.

  10. Amy #11

    This is such a tough choice. Can you talk to someone in your family about it, like your mom? Anyway, I'd reach out to those organizations I mentioned earlier and maybe your GP too.

    I totally get how you feel about adoption. I'd feel the same way.
    Wishing you lots of strength as you make your decision.

  11. IkkeJ started this #12

    I told my best friend about the situation. It's not something I can talk about with my family or my friend's family.
    Thanks for your response, Bueno, and you've made a brave choice. But how did you feel after you had it removed? If you don't mind me asking.

  12. Amy #13

    Well. I think it's a very brave choice on your part.
    In my work area, I see a lot of children who are born in "unwanted" situations, and unfortunately, often foster care comes into play. Some children don't have a fair chance, and sometimes I think that parents might have been better off choosing abortion.
    Of course, not every situation is the same, but it's really not true that a child only needs love. Of course, money isn't everything, but children need stability.

    IkeJ. I think it's already very admirable that you're considering both sides, and doing that makes you, in my opinion, a good mother already, whether now or later in life.
    I would try to get in touch with an organization or your GP. Often, a conversation can also be very clarifying.

  13. IkkeJ started this #14

    I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow morning, and my partner is coming with me. We also plan to go to the abortion clinic in Arnhem to have a conversation there.

    Thanks again for the replies and for understanding our situation.

    If we decide to go for an abortion, we've decided to do it before 9 weeks so that we can still use the abortion pill. D&C can damage the uterus, and that's something we absolutely don't want because we really want children in a few years.

    I hope I won't regret whichever choice we make. I'm also really glad that I can just talk about it with my partner and that we're being honest with each other.

  14. Bueno #15

    Nope, you don't necessarily have to go to an abortion clinic. Regular hospitals do it too. I got help at the UMCG (Groningen). I did have a curettage. Lots of strength with your choice! I know what you're going through.

  15. floydi #16

    Strength to you, girl, with your choice. You make it very clear that it's well-considered!

    @bueno how awful that your stepmother made you feel guilty when you're already struggling with the choice yourself. You just need support then. Respect, girl.

  16. Bueno #17

    Hey, thank you so much. Fortunately, it was already 12 years ago. But I'll never forget it. I don't think I'll ever really forgive the hair either. Oh well!

  17. floydi #18

    Makes sense that those painful experiences and people who don’t support you when you need it most are just traumatic.
    Glad to see that you’re now pregnant and wanted – well, congratulations!

  18. BabyBoo #19

    If I were in your shoes, I’d keep the baby. Having a child is special and not everyone gets that chance. I think you might regret an abortion later on, and it’s pretty intense. You could also go for it together and give it your all. Any family support? In the end, everything will work out!

  19. Bueno #20

    Babyboo, with all respect. You're not in her shoes... and you probably never had to make that choice... The fact that you say "you can just go for it together and everything will work out" gives me goosebumps. And that you assume she'll regret it... man, man, man...

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