Midlife?

Hi everyone

Lately I’ve been having a midlife crisis (I’m 40), I think. Especially because I became a mom again in late August to my 2nd girl, so now I have two (4.5 months and almost 2 years old).
Since my first daughter was born, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I come across to her. I want to always be there for her, play with her, cuddle, but also have some time left over to get the daily chores done properly (washing, potty training…)
After our 2nd girl was born, I was naturally very busy with her, especially since I was breastfeeding, so I didn’t have much time for the eldest.
I did my best though, and all in all, this period has gone well.

Now I’m going back to work, part-time, so I’ll be home 2 days a week with the kids.
The youngest sleeps well during the day since switching to bottles. Twice 1.5 hours, so I have enough time for my eldest. Now I sometimes feel guilty that I don’t have much time for the youngest, since after the bottle she’s always in the bouncer or park. She doesn’t do much yet, of course, and the eldest then takes up all my time. I’m sometimes short on energy…
Our 2nd girl is also very calm and chill. Everything is just right for her. I still feel weird about it…sometimes I pick her up and she always smiles. Sometimes we play with a rattle or something similar, but that’s it. My husband also rarely plays with her and is more busy with practical things around the house. He helps regularly with the household, does the grocery shopping…
Playing together with her sister is difficult, because the eldest doesn’t know her strength yet and sometimes lies on her to give a kiss. Or she wants to show toys that aren’t appropriate for the baby yet…so we have to distract them as much as possible so her sister is safe.

But to get back to the beginning, I’m thinking a lot about how I come across to them.
Am I assertive enough to be a role model? Am I not too nervous by nature? Sometimes my husband and I have an argument and then I always think ‘stay calm, because children mirror behavior…’
Now I read books about learning to be happy, positive psychology…in the evenings regularly, so I feel a bit better in my own skin. I’m not depressed or anything, but I am tense.
I already have fears about later ‘what if she gets bullied at school?’, ‘what if someone crosses her boundaries’, ‘what if someone manipulates her’ ‘what if she’s not invited’…? Will I have been a good enough role model for her?
I myself am someone who is insecure, but people don’t see it. I still feel uncomfortable in almost every situation, don’t know what to say, stumble over my words…but always laugh so people think I’m positive.
My head is never quiet. I’d rather avoid new situations out of fear of having to step out of my shell. I also take everything very personally.
If someone isn’t very friendly, I get inwardly angry quickly. I then wonder what I did wrong, or how I should have reacted better instead of letting it go.
So I’ve already let quite a few opportunities slip by to do something I really wanted to do (I did all the studies for it, but didn’t have the balls to do anything with it)

I don’t have real friends of my own, except my colleagues. They are mostly friends of my husband, whom I’ve kept since our marriage. We also always go out together or host people at home (especially now with the kids).
I’m also somewhat distant when building friendships out of fear that people will then cross my boundaries, call too much or visit, and I won’t dare to say no…

I’m only myself at home, with my children and my husband.

I like to exercise, play cello (also always nervous about going to lessons…, but I still do it), read a lot, …
Yet I also feel like everyone can do everything and I just do my job, take care of my children, do my household…but nothing special otherwise. I don’t have a special job (I’m an office admin), no special talents, … and sometimes feel like I should do more.
Does anyone recognize this? Or am I being too hard on myself or thinking wrong?