experience with unplanned pregnancy at a very young age

5 replies

SillaGuest · 2 months ago

Who has experience with being very young (think 15, 16, 17, 18) and unexpectedly pregnant, and raising a child?

I found out a few weeks ago that my 16-year-old daughter is pregnant...........
I was very honest at the beginning and told her she only had one choice, which was to have an abortion.
But she really doesn't want to do that.
Now I kind of feel like I wouldn't have done it myself if I were pregnant at 16.

I just don't really know what to do with this. She wants to raise the child herself, but I really think she's too young for that and she also doesn't have a sense of responsibility. I let her babysit her little 2-year-old brother once, and we ended up in the hospital.
We've already talked about a teenage mother house, but I really don't want her to move out yet. I'd rather help her raise the child myself than have a stranger do it.
HELP, what should I do..... I really don't know anymore.
Abortion, Adoption, Raising the child herself, Teenage mother house?
How should I handle this?

Another problem is that we already have a fairly large family with 4 children, and every weekend 1 or 2 people stay over. I'm afraid it's going to get too crowded in a not-so-big house.

Replies

Hartje 2 months ago #2

Hi! What I can say about it is that she’ll probably grow up pretty quickly; I think she’s already growing into that phase. Maybe temporarily moving to the teen room could be an option so she can learn responsibility there?

I’m not very structured myself, but since my son was born, I’ve fallen into a routine—I have to! I’ve grown into it. She’s a bit older than your daughter, though.

I think it’ll work out fine, even with space. We don’t live in a huge place either, and we have lots of people over, but it’s totally doable! It’s actually quite cozy. During the first year, you barely notice the baby is there anyway; they sleep a lot, and maybe she could sleep in your daughter’s room?

Though I do think you’ll take on more responsibilities yourself, yes. Your daughter will probably start some kind of training or education soon, right? Advice, etc. I call my mom regularly; you’ll see everything up close if you’re there, which isn’t ideal in terms of distance. But if you’re both committed to it, I think it can definitely work. It’s a pretty intense period for you both!
spirit 2 months ago #3

My man had a daughter when he was 14 years old. His girlfriend at the time lived in a teenage mother's home. He was allowed to visit once a week. Because he could barely see her, his then 2-year-old daughter's mother said he wasn't allowed to see her anymore until she was 15 years old. So think about it: if she goes to a teenage mother's home, the boyfriend will likely have much less contact with the baby. Are they still together? If so, maybe you can arrange for the baby to sleep at the father's house for half the nights a week. Just some rest for your family.
Bloem Guest 2 months ago #4

Got pregnant myself at 17 and gave birth when I was 18.
It was really tough, but I knew right away that I was going to keep the baby.
I stayed living at home because I just didn't have the money. Now I'm almost 22 and my son is almost 4. I have a new relationship and bought a house together last year.
The father of my child was out of the picture pretty quickly. Also because of a few things that had happened.
Looking back now, I'm really glad I didn't have an abortion. I think I would have had so much regret.
My parents helped me a lot, which was really nice, but my mom often wanted to take over the parenting, and that clashes.
My tip is: let her raise her own child and support her when it becomes too much. At that age, you naturally need your parents, but don't take over too much and let her make the decisions about her child.
Of course, assuming it's a good decision.
I can only say.. my son has a very good bond with his grandma, and that's worth a lot!
Good luck! And especially enjoy it!
Anonymous Guest 2 months ago #5

I don't have experience with this, but at that age you don't have the financial means to raise a child, especially not if you want them to complete their education so they have a chance at a good future. There are allowances she can apply for, but that's not enough on its own.

If you want to keep your daughter at home and help her care for her baby while also building a future for both of them, you'll need to financially support her with the things the baby needs so she doesn't have to drop out of school. Additionally, childcare will be needed when she returns to school after her leave. If you're also working, that would have to be with a nanny or daycare or something similar.

Furthermore, she needs to face the consequences of her actions and take responsibility for her child. It's a baby, not a pet, and she is the mother. It's your choice how much you want and can help her with that.

The Siriz website has lots of information and helplines for this situation.

But as mentioned above, maybe your daughter will naturally grow into the role of a mother, and who could better guide her through that than her own mother?
Deborah Guest 3 months ago #6

I became a mom myself when I was 17, it wasn't planned. My mom didn't react very nicely, which is logical. But I wasn't allowed to stay at home because my stepdad didn't see it as a good idea to have me and then a baby around. They considered teen mom housing, and we went to look at one, but it wasn't nearby. I didn't want to leave my friends and life behind. My mom's friends had offered that I could live there if we couldn't find anything else. I lived there for 10 months, but let me tell you, those are exactly the moments when you need your mom the most. I felt abandoned by my mom. And now, 15 years later, I thought I had gotten over it, but writing this here brings all those old emotions back up. So what I'd recommend is to be there for your daughter through thick and thin. I was still a kid too, and people thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. Once he was born, I grew up and took responsibility, but don't take over for her—let her do as much as possible on her own.

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