Forum Young mothers

Young and wanting to get pregnant

16 replies

Naomi_forever
Dear people,

I'm a bit tangled up with myself and I hope you can help me a little.

My boyfriend and I have been together since July 27, 2013, we're engaged and very happy. We've also been living together for a bit less than a year and a half. Last January I got pregnant; at that time I was still living with my boyfriend in my mom's attic, so I had the baby aborted.

Now we've had a strong desire for a child for over a year. I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 20 (almost 21). My boyfriend and I really want to start having a baby now. Many people say I should finish my education first, but I'd rather just become a stay-at-home mom.. Just be there for my child 24/7. I had a difficult childhood and because of that I'm more mature than my peers.

Right now my desire for a child is so big that it just makes me sad. I want it so badly. I've laid everything out for myself in a notebook with calculations about costs and it's just doable..

I don't need sermons about responsibility etc., because if anyone is responsible, it's me. I also don't need sermons about how I won't be able to go out and on vacation anymore, because I never do those things anyway :' even without a child hahaha I also love just being at home, cleaning up and soon maybe nicely taking care of my child.

I just want to hear your experiences about becoming a young mother and your opinions; do it or not?

Replies

  1. Naomi_forever started this #2

    No one wants to respond for a bit?

  2. * #3

    @Naomi,

    I'd say go for it. I became a mom for the first time at 23.
    I wish you the happiness of becoming a mom.

    Hope you get pregnant soon

  3. Madelene #4

    Hi Naomi,
    I was 22 myself when I had my oldest daughter and never once regretted it.
    I got some really annoying comments like, "Where do you even start? You're so young."
    "You should enjoy your 20s, go on vacation, go out, and now you're putting all that aside for kids?"
    They thought it was weird, saying your age won't come back.
    Well, I was already 5 weeks pregnant at the time.
    I always knew from a young age that I didn't want to start having kids too late. It was a conscious choice.

  4. Madelene #5

    And honestly, I didn’t really care much about what others thought either.
    Even my mom said she was happy for me, but it was quite a shock. I had really hoped you’d get to enjoy those two years with them first.
    I still lived at home and only moved out on my own with my husband when my daughter was 4.
    It was nice that we were with my parents; she built such a close bond with my daughters.
    Actually, my daughters had two mothers because my mom loved it and helped out so much.
    She put them to bed 4 nights a week.
    Mornings, she had breakfast with my oldest daughter.
    I say oldest because my youngest was very attached to me.
    So it all worked out fine.
    I’d say just go for it if your heart tells you to.
    In the end, it’s about you two, not what people around you think.
    They always find something to say anyway.
    Best wishes, Madelene

  5. Figaroa #6

    If you're sure everything is in order and you're both committed to it, I'd say go for it. I was raised by a mom who was only 19 at the time and did it without a father. It wasn't great because my mom wanted to enjoy her younger years. So make sure you're both really sure.

  6. Monkey #7

    I was also 22 when I got pregnant and gave birth.
    Nothing wrong with that at all. Yeah, sometimes I get looks on the bus because I'm young. But who cares?
    My child is happy, laughs a lot, is a big boy and is loved by my partner and me.
    Everyone says they can see that he is happy.

    If you're ready for it, and your partner is too, why not?
    We can't afford expensive things for our son, his clothes are from the Navy shop or Wibra or second-hand. Nothing wrong with that. We're not lacking in love!

    Last summer we drove to Macedonia by car (2600km) WITH our son. He did super!
    That's how you teach them to adapt to less nice situations. Yeah, there were moments when he really didn't want to be in the car anymore, but with lots of stops he could burn off his energy.
    I often heard 'your life is over with kids' 'you can't do spontaneous things anymore'. We do spontaneous things so often, our son loves it!

    Whatever you decide, as long as you both fully support it and go for it 100%.
    No one has the right to say when you should start having kids!

  7. Jongmama #8

    Go for it!

    I also got pregnant at 17 and have thought everything through. My son is almost 3 and I'm over the moon with my beautiful family in our own little house.

    My tip: if you want to, go for it. No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do.

  8. Jongmama #9

    Btw, I also always got stares, even at the family planning clinic. It's because I'm young, but it's more about my appearance. I'm a bit vain, so people think, how can she have a kid with her porn-star look. I've heard that more often.

    But then I think, my son is overjoyed, what people think doesn't matter.

    In short, what other people think doesn't matter. It's about what you want, not what someone else wants!

  9. hartje #10

    If you can, you should do it.
    But I am curious if you regret the abortion? If you love children and you can handle it now, you could have handled it two years ago too. I was sixteen and gave everything for my girl. Now I would also like to have a second child

    I'll hear it when you're ready..

  10. Naomi_forever started this #11

    Yes, I definitely regret it in hindsight. I felt forced into that position. But on the other hand, our situation is much better now. I really love how much positivity I'm getting here! It's truly wonderful!!

  11. Anonymous Guest #12

    I also became a mom at 22, and now I'm 26 and pregnant with my third.
    It wasn't really planned, and I first still lived with my parents, and my boyfriend didn't have papers, but luckily everything worked out.
    And at least I started living my life.
    I had already stopped my studies, but finding work as a young mom isn't that easy either.
    Here too, the plan is to stay at home until the youngest is one year old, and then see who gets back to work faster; the other stays home until the youngest is properly in school. We can manage financially. We live day to day...
    And a baby really doesn't need to cost that much, if I may say so, now that my boyfriend's teenage daughter is finally with us, that's quite a difference in costs. (In the end, we always paid for her school and maintenance, but still.)
    I'd say if you're ready, just go for it.
    And if you want to, you can really do a lot; even with kids, you just need to organize a bit better and tackle it properly...

  12. Anonymous Guest #13

    Go for it!

    If you have a partner, live together, have a house and so on, and have an income, why not?

    I was 20 when I got pregnant and I'm now 22, and my little girl is almost 15 months old, and I haven't regretted it for a single second.

    And yes, I still go out and have fun with my little one, heading to the animal parks, playgrounds, or wherever.

    And yes, we also go on holiday in the summer, just as a family, enjoying ourselves. You can still sit at the beach and shop, so just do it!

    I haven't regretted it for a second, and I'd even like to have a second one already, but my partner wants to wait a bit haha.

  13. a muis #14

    I'm 22 myself now, but we're going for it too. If everything is stable and you have a good feeling about it, why not? Discuss everything, it's always good to look at your financial situation. If you can, go for it. I don't know if you're still on the pill. Before you're pregnant, it still takes a while. At least that was the case for me.

  14. Naomi_forever started this #15

    @A mouse I have an IUD, I'm still gathering the courage to get it removed

  15. Pien Guest #16

    If you want to, then you should do it.

    I was 15 when I gave birth to my first child and I'm so happy. I'm now 21 and pregnant with the 5th and 6th (twins )

  16. Nadia #17

    @Pien, that sounds really intense. You're 21 and pregnant with twins, that's a lot. I'm afraid the conversation with Naomi might get pushed aside because of that. She says she's still gathering her courage and has an IUD. I don't think it's fair to compare her situation to yours, since you're really at different stages in your lives.

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