Breastfeeding or bottle feeding?

Hi,
I'm curious if there are any women who have experienced the same thing as I did. I became a mother last June to a perfectly healthy baby. Although it was at 36 weeks, so my daughter stayed on the neonatology ward for a while. I always said before I got pregnant and during my pregnancy that I wanted to formula feed. I had decided this because I heard a lot of negative experiences about breastfeeding and it seemed easier to me. Everyone around me reacted normally to this. Afterwards, I have a lot of regret about my choice. Due to the hormones and maternal feelings I didn't take into account beforehand, I feel like I'm not doing my child justice. Social media and the negative stories about breastfeeding don't help much either. Unfortunately, I can't turn it back, and fortunately, the bottle is going well. If I ever get to be a mother again, I'll definitely try breastfeeding. Now I just hope my daughter doesn't suffer from my choice. Because if I believe the internet, this isn't the best for my child. #an insecure mother who only wants the best for her child

Try to stay calm and put your guilt in perspective. I totally relate to you—I went through this for 2 months and now I'm finally on my period. Since I know how great breastfeeding is, I still get upset sometimes, but hey, being there for your child makes you a good mom. If you're frustrated while breastfeeding or feeding the bottle with love, that's actually better, right! And yes, breastfeeding is healthy and natural, but formula feeding is also perfectly fine nowadays! If it just works out this way, you have to try to let it go. And yes, if you have another baby, you can definitely try again. But also ask the moms around you—some can't do it, others deal with thrush, colic, and other issues. It's not all roses and moonlight, although it went smoothly for me with no problems.

When I start feeling guilty again about not trying breastfeeding, I try to cherish those feelings in a different way and remind myself how well things are going now. It'll be okay!

Hi sweetheart,
Thanks for your message. I'm doing my best with my guilt, but it's really tough. I just feel so awful that I never even tried. If I had known beforehand, my choice would obviously have been different. What I find most painful is that I never even tried—something you and many other mothers have done. That makes it so hard for me to accept. If I had tried and it hadn't worked, I think I could have more easily come to terms with it. Now I'm left with guilt, thinking, "Of course I want the very best for my daughter, why didn't I do this or at least try?" I feel like a bad mother and really blame myself for not researching it properly and for no one ever asking why I didn't try. From now on, I'll always blame myself if my daughter gets anything wrong.

Don't worry about your baby getting sick because you started with the bottle. Sure, she missed out on the antibodies from breast milk, but she had them all that time in the womb, and they didn't just disappear. Eventually, all kids have to build up their own immunity anyway.
Breastfeeding is naturally always perfectly tailored to your baby's needs, but bottle formula in the Netherlands is of such high quality that it's a solid second best. So you're really not doing her any disservice.

First baby was bottle-fed, now pregnant with #2 and want to breastfeed. Finding it quite nerve-wracking... My toddler won't sit still, and I can't exactly chase him around. How painful is breastfeeding actually? What's the chance of getting infections? I think I'll make enough milk, so I can keep going, but I'm going for it and hopefully get good support.

I myself chose bottle feeding. I breastfed my first daughter, it went like a dream but she got eczema and severe cramps and reflux so after 14 days switched to bottles. Went well but again after 3 weeks more eczema from food to food hic. Hidden reflux on top, then tried a different bottle.... after 2 weeks she got bumps all over her body.... oh it was from the start so cow's milk allergy....and my stress on top of all that uncertainty man man then when it was clear, switched to hypoallergenic formula and everything was gone within 2 weeks, you guessed it I had to go back to work. Didn't enjoy it at all! But afterwards made up for it double and triple. Now with the second one we're expecting in December we're choosing bottle feeding, purely to detect an allergy faster. I'm not really keen on a cow's milk-free diet.
You don't need to feel guilty. Is she happy? Is she growing well? Ask yourself those questions? And then just enjoy being with your little one... you only end up with yourself afterwards anyway...

Thanks for your reply, Falca. Did you also get your FV right away, or not?
Hi Anoniem22, I think it's also exciting to do that with a second one. It's new after all, so you can understand that. Did you get your FV right away with the first one, or did you try BV first? And if yes, if you got your FV right away, did you regret it later when you decided to try BV with a second one?

Yes, I gave formula right away and didn’t regret it at the time; I felt there were more positive points to formula feeding. Looking back, the chance of breastfeeding was also small—I had two uterine infections due to a piece of placenta that remained, and I had a C-section. Very stressful labor, almost 28 hours, so no regrets at all. I’m still totally unfamiliar with BF, so I find it incredibly exciting.

Taking a breastfeeding course beforehand will at least give you an idea of what to expect. And as you said, hopefully you'll get good support when the time comes. With proper latching, it shouldn't really hurt. The feeling is quite funny when you feel the milk flowing out.

I switched to bottles pretty quickly after I went back to work because my milk supply dropped. I had started breastfeeding because it was going well in the end. But I couldn't find the peace of mind to pump at work when I returned after 4 months. It wasn't the job itself, but me. My mind was always on everything else that still needed to be done. But since my supply dropped, I started wondering if she was getting enough. So, for my own peace of mind, I went with bottles. I found it strange that many people think you should breastfeed during maternity leave, but once you're back at work and say you're still breastfeeding, some people look at you funny. Under the guise of "isn't a bottle easier when you work?" or "oh, you're breastfeeding for so long, don't you want to wean?"
In short, everyone always has an opinion, and I just do what feels right for me. And if someone else has a problem with that, well, they should go talk to a psychiatrist.