Forum Single mothers

My ex wants me to have an abortion.

25 replies · page 1 of 2

verdrietige mamaGuest ·
Hi, I found out a few days ago that I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. This wasn't planned, as the title already says. My ex and I just broke up because he had someone else. Now I've told him I'm pregnant and that I don't think I can handle an abortion and that I don't really want one either. I gave him the choice to let me do this alone because I can't and don't want to force him. He feels obligated and because of that wants me to have it terminated. If I were to keep it, he wouldn't be able to continue his studies (which I think is nonsense) and his girlfriend would leave him. So I'd be ruining his life (literally what he says). He even threatened to blackmail me. But I can't and don't want to. Are there more girls in this situation who have tips?

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. * #2

    Dear sad mama,

    What your age is and what your ex-boyfriend is doing is manipulative.
    I would, if I were you, carefully consider what you want.
    An abortion is very intense and can haunt you for years..
    If I were you, I would let it continue within yourself..

    And definitely don't have an abortion for someone else..
    I read that you don't want it..
    But the decision is also yours.
    Big hug and I hope you keep your baby

  2. Anonymous Guest #3

    Hi ladies. Thanks for the replies. My ex and I are both 24, so I'm sure we're thinking beyond just the baby phase. My parents are both aware and support whatever choice I make. I don't live with them anymore; I live on my own. He is indeed trying to manipulate me! Which is really heavy for me. I've told him I want to do this without him because I'd rather have no father than a father who doesn't love his child. If I follow my heart, this baby will simply be born. But then I get those nasty messages again, and the doubt creeps in. He also doesn't want me to keep the baby away from him once it's born. Something I would never do. Which makes it even more complicated.

  3. * #4

    Can't you block him on your phone? That way you'll get some peace from all his manipulations.
    He didn't want anything at first, by the way. It's nice that your parents support you.

  4. mama250 #5

    What a heavy, sad mom. But still, I want to congratulate you on your pregnancy and the new little wonder growing inside you.

    Know that you will always regret an abortion, sooner or later. Don't let anyone pressure you into deciding.

    I want to point you to Siriz http://www.siriz.nl This is an organization that can help guide you and also has a telephone helpline you can always call (anonymously).

    I hope you become happy with your baby and get support from your surroundings or from, for example, Siriz.
    There are more possibilities than you think right now!

    Love,

  5. verdrietige mama started this #6

    Thank you so much! My decision is already made. But now I'm wondering whether I should tell my ex or not. He'll completely freak out if I do, and I already have enough stress without his nagging. It's so sweet that you're all so positive. It really helps me a lot! :-D

  6. Toesie #7

    Dear sad mama,

    It's good that you've made a decision for yourself. For now, you don't need to involve your ex anywhere; he has indicated that he doesn't want to be involved. He might also need some time to adjust to this change.

    Take good care of yourself in the coming days and weeks. Unnecessary stress is never good for your pregnancy or the little one.

    Try to take some distance and enjoy yourself.

  7. Anonymous Guest #8

    I've blocked him and I won't talk to him until he treats me with more decency. :-) Now I'm going to enjoy myself immensely!

  8. * #9

    I can now call you a happy mom instead of a sad mom

  9. Anonymous Guest #10

    Not quite yet, but I'm a relieved mom! ;-) That happy feeling will come. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet on my phone and Facebook, and in my head, immensely. Let the enjoyment begin!

  10. * #11

    Okay, you're a bit more relaxed now, mama. Enjoy yourself, and if something comes up, just give us a shout

  11. Ingeborg #12

    Dear sad mom

    In December, my boyfriend also told me to GET RID OF IT! (I'm 35, he's 40) We had a lot of fights and he stayed away from me for two weeks.

    In the end, he said he was going to go for it.

    We got married on February 13th!

    In April, he still left me.

    I'm now alone with this.

    If he had said this earlier, I would still have our house...

    I only got more problems because of his dishonesty.

    I hope you make it! Strength, girl.

  12. Anonymous Guest #13

    Hi Ingeborg,

    I absolutely don’t want any relationship with my ex anymore, so I’m not going to make that “mistake.” But I completely understand your decision. I think he’s allowed to be part of our child’s life, but I don’t think he wants that. I don’t care either way. Fortunately, I have so much support from friends and family. I hope I’ll manage to get through all of this. Did you regret your decision? Or are you still happy with your choice?

    Best wishes,

    Sad mom

  13. Ingeborg #14

    Hello sad mom

    I really wanted to go through with this planned pregnancy. He didn't. I had my house and my kids and thought I'd just do it alone!
    He crawled back and even decided to marry me. I canceled the lease. We got married in February.
    And after a big wedding celebration on day 1, he still decided not to go through with it.

    I don't regret my girl! I'm 30 weeks pregnant now.

    I do regret believing him.

    I'm now dealing with all the problems. No house. Kids are sad and I have a very difficult pregnancy.

    If you want, we could get in touch?

  14. verdrietige mama started this #15

    That sounds nice to me. Since we're in a similar situation :-)

  15. Ingeborg #16

    Hi sad mama
    Sorry for my late reply.
    I'll quickly create an email account so you can reach me. Or can I find you somewhere?

  16. Blije mama Guest #17

    Here I am again! Today was the first ultrasound due to SSRI use. A beautiful little beating heart. Estimated at around 7 weeks, but they'll check that out next time. I'm so happy!!! Ingeborg, can you also send private messages or something like that via here :-)

  17. * #18

    So nice to read, happy mom,

    Ingeborg, I already sent you a PM.

  18. Faile #19

    Wow, what a story! It's so sad that your ex is trying to manipulate you into having an abortion. I think it's incredibly brave and strong of you to follow your own feelings. The other decision would haunt you for the rest of your life if you didn't stand by it yourself.

    What you could do, since I read that you want to go through with it, is give your ex an ultimatum. I read that you don't want to keep him away from the child, even though he thinks you're ruining his life with this. I would suggest that you formally renounce your parental rights. (Don't get me wrong, I think it's truly awful what he's doing to you, but what does he want... he doesn't want the child because he wants you to have an abortion; if you keep it, does he suddenly want to be involved?)

    Once he formally renounces his parental rights, he doesn't have to pay child support, I believe. You'll get full custody, which he'll never be able to contest. That might be a nice sense of security for you. He can move on with his life without you "ruining" it (which is truly disgusting of him to say).

    When the child is old enough, you can tell them who their father is, and the child can choose whether or not they want to meet him.

    You're a powerhouse. I really respect that! Hope you work things out!

  19. Blije mama Guest #20

    He’s already given up his parental rights. I gave him the choice myself. So I’m the sole guardian and appointed my sister as the alternate guardian (she was in tears). The nausea is getting pretty bad, but otherwise I’m feeling good! :-) I’m also becoming more and more proud of myself!!! And I’m getting so much support, even from unexpected places. His family is completely on my side and can’t understand how he can live with the idea that there’s a child of his out there that he doesn’t see. And they’d also like to be part of his/her life. He did agree that I’ll tell the little one who the father is. Which I find a bit weird, but okay. I’m so grateful for all the help I’m getting from everyone! On July 7th I’m getting the second ultrasound, so exciting!!! I can’t wait to see him/her again. :-D

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