Always grabbing and wanting mama

I can kind of recognize that behavior in my son, he just turned 2.
I'm also pregnant (19w) and I'm already noticing it's getting harder to pick him up.
Screaming for poop and pee is also common here. But usually when he needs to sleep, at night they're really full diapers when he calls out.
Maybe she needs some quality time with you? Sometimes I go out with my son alone and he really enjoys it. Afterwards, he can more easily play on his own or do something with papa. And I'm stubborn, if I can't pick him up (while cooking, doing the dishes, ...) I don't pick him up either.
I do notice often that he just wants to help, so I put a stool next to me and he 'helps' with the dishes. Maybe your daughter wants that too?


Anyway, good luck and congratulations on the second pregnancy!

I don't have any experience with this, of course. I do know that every child goes through an egocentric phase. Something along the lines of 'my mama', 'my book', ... Maybe with your daughter it's not so much expressed in words (mine, mine, mine, ...) but rather in actions. Especially now that she feels she won't have 'her mama' all to herself anymore. As far as I know/learned, this is a phase she'll grow out of. Maybe try involving her in daily tasks now. Let her help with cooking, washing dishes, ...

However, sometimes you also need to be able to say no (and I don't mean this as criticism). If you can't pick her up, then don't. She also needs to learn that she won't have you all to herself soon and that she can't always get her way. Children understand much more at that age than we think. Try explaining it to her and involve her even more during those last weeks of your pregnancy.

Good luck and big congratulations from my side!
Love x

Hi Yelina,
so relatable! I was pregnant with my youngest when my oldest was almost 1 year old.
It was awful. I felt tired, sick, dizzy, but she constantly needed attention too. She had so much energy, was so hyperactive.
I sometimes feel guilty because I couldn’t give her much attention during the pregnancy. And I didn’t consciously witness her first steps either, since I was so preoccupied with the pregnancy and feeling so awful.

I think it’s not so much about mom grabbing her attention or necessarily the game itself that matters, but rather about getting your attention. I think you, without realizing it, are already going through changes during your pregnancy, consciously or unconsciously, and she feels that. Kids often sense that changes are coming before they can even really understand it.

There’s that tension. And she picks up on signals from her mother that you can’t do as much with her or that you get tired faster. She picks up on those things and tries to pull even more of your attention.

I think you could hold her on your lap a bit more. It doesn’t have to be intense playtime, just some extra cuddles and sitting together. So much is going to change for her soon, so try giving her a bit more attention now. If it doesn’t work out in the form of a game, try cuddling more.

Or maybe your mom—I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with her—but maybe she’d like to spend more time with your daughter so she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out too much on attention.

If you’re also tired from the pregnancy, it’s natural that you can’t be as active with your daughter. I know all about that; I experienced it too. During my pregnancy, I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be for my oldest.

So maybe it’s a good idea to ask your mom to give her some attention too, so not everything falls on your shoulders.

We had an au pair, and my husband and my mom took over a lot when I felt sick during my pregnancy and my oldest asked for attention. But it still hurt my mom’s heart that I couldn’t give my girls that attention or play with her. I couldn’t be the mother she deserved.

Because she was still so little herself, she didn’t even notice my belly getting bigger. There’s exactly 1 year and 9 months between my girls. I underestimated that age difference. It was so hard, pffff.

But anyway, try to put yourself in your daughter’s shoes. Try to empathize with her in everything. She’s still little and needs her mom a lot, and she unconsciously senses that changes are coming. Try to handle that calmly and let her gently realize that you’re still her mama.

Cuddle your child more regularly. Maybe that will help reassure her.

One more tip for when the baby arrives: try not to see your oldest as big right away. She’ll seem big because the baby is small, but don’t forget she’s still little and needs attention too.

Greetings, Madelene

That's nice, Yelnila, to hear that it's like that for her too. Pleased.
What a good idea, letting her get used to the doll.
I completely failed to make my oldest daughter clearly understand that a baby was coming.
She didn't even notice that my belly was getting bigger.
I always used to carry her around to rock her to sleep.
When that no longer worked with my big belly,
I put her in the swing cradle and rocked her to sleep with the cradle. Really a great solution.
When the baby arrived, she immediately thought it was a doll
It really took a long time before she understood that she had to be careful and that it was a baby, not a doll.
We always had to be nearby because she treated her sister like she was a doll.
She didn't realize at all that it was her sister.
And that she had to be careful with her. Pfff, it was exhausting. But also cute because she was still so small herself, which my husband sometimes forgot.
Wishing you lots of luck with the baby soon
Greetings, Madelene

Oh, that helps then she'll also learn to get along with different kids at daycare
my little girl was at home we have a babysitter who comes to our house and she also went to grandma's regularly
but she really didn't understand anything yet couldn't really explain things to her either
She really loved climbing and they always tried
to climb over the garden fence pfff
on the playground near our house they always ran away so exhausting especially when I already had a big belly.
I found the first period quite intense after the birth of the second one. It was also hard during the pregnancy.
but I had help from our au pair and my husband also helped a lot and my mother helped a lot too
just because she loved my oldest daughter and was crazy about her still is by the way.
But thanks to that I was able to keep working and it wasn't too bad
I could then in the morning and afternoon still recharge from the night feedings I gave 7 months so the night feedings were on me.
the au pair and my mother kept the oldest busy during the day so I could recover from the nights and also get some sleep with my youngest.
sleeping with the baby during the day.
but it hurt me that my oldest had to get used to it at first she kept saying mama to mama
but then the au pair and my mother distracted her with fun things.
I must honestly admit that if I hadn't had that help I think I would have experienced the age gap much more heavily and then my husband and I probably would have had 4 or 3 years between them.
but well it's actually only fun now so cute they are always together looking for each other in class always to play together according to the teacher.
they are now really best friends have secrets for papa and mama so cute
I think it will be very nice for your little girl.
greetings madelene

As long as you keep in mind that the oldest is still little, because that's something that gets forgotten quickly with a baby. I sometimes think that if I had started with a second child later, I could have given the oldest more of my attention for longer and built a stronger bond with her earlier. But well, that's hindsight now, and it doesn't matter anymore. I'm catching up now on what I missed with her back then.

Yes, that's so true.
It's indeed not that easy to manage a 2-hour distance,
but it's nice to know you can always rely on them if needed.
We live just 2 streets away from my parents, so that's already convenient.
And I think the advantages of a small age gap
are that they can really share more things together and are more in each other's world.
One of the disadvantages is that there's more competition and more fighting for attention,
which you'd have less of if the oldest was a bit older, because then she'd understand earlier that mom and dad need to divide their attention between the little one.
But luckily, my oldest didn't feel much of the shift in attention when her sister came along, because grandma and the au pair were there for her.
Except for what I already mentioned before: she did have to miss my attention for a while.
As a result, she unfortunately formed a stronger bond with the au pair and started seeing her more as a mother figure.
But luckily, that's already better now.
Now that they're both preschoolers, I'm really enjoying the small age gap.
Now it's really fun.
But well, that's my experience with it, how I've felt about it.
How old is your daughter when the little one is born?
Greetings, Madelene

No worries, sometimes you just need to let it out
I have a younger sister myself, we're 13 years apart.
I always really wanted a sister, but my parents needed to recover after me because I was a crying baby, never really slept through, and there was never a set routine. My parents were exhausted from the sleepless nights. On top of that, I was a very difficult toddler with really bad tantrums, and even at 1 year old, I woke up crying around 7 times a night. So my parents didn't dare have a second child. But after 13 years, I finally got a sister. My sister was exactly the opposite of me, very calm and slept through right after 3 months.
And she was a calm toddler.

But yeah, when she hit puberty, she was really hard to deal with, which was a shame. We clashed a lot too.
She also has a completely different personality from me, so you don't really understand each other much, unfortunately.
She is and always will be my sweet, cute little sister in my eyes, but unfortunately, she hardly ever comes to see me, practically never, and our age gap is too big to really share things with her.
She has her own friends too.
When she needs money, she knows how to find me
I can never refuse her; she remains my little sister, much to the annoyance of my husband, because he always says she never comes unless she needs something.
2 years is a nice age difference, I think.
My girls are almost 2 years apart. They are exactly 1 year and 9 months apart.
I can completely understand that it's very exhausting and difficult, as you describe it with your sister.
That sounds really unpleasant to me too, pff.
Especially when they think they know everything and just push their own ideas.
Unfortunately, I sometimes say, you don't choose your family.
Doesn't matter, just let it all out, that's nice about this forum. I completely understand you
Greetings, Madelene

Try to think of it like this, even though it's hard for you too. Try to think that you're doing it for your daughter. Later on, she'll have a lot of respect for you because you had the strength to keep the connection between her and her father.
The difficult part is often that you remain connected to each other through your children.
And every choice or decision between two adults always affects your children's lives.
Later on, she will understand and respect you for how you handled things in her favor.
I do admire how you put this across here.
And how you think about your daughter despite everything, even though it hurts your heart inside.
That you still put your daughter's happiness first.
She'll only appreciate that later on.
Greetings, Madelene

Oh wow, that’s really intense.
I can totally understand why you don’t like it. Having your daughter shared so easily on Facebook wouldn’t feel right to me either.
Thanks for your understanding about how things went in my past, by the way.
It’s such a mixed-up feeling, I get that.
It’s definitely nice, especially that they’re so good for your little girl.
But everything else around it isn’t easy, of course.
I can completely relate to that.
Try to relax as much as possible and focus on the baby growing inside you.
Try to think like this: no one will bring me down; I rise above everything.
Maybe emotionally it doesn’t always feel that way, but the more you tell yourself this, the more you’ll start to feel it.
And your daughter’s happiness is why you’re doing all this.
Strength for when those tough moments come, and hopefully, it gets easier for you every day.
Warm regards, Madelene.