Forum Parenting

Rebellious toddler

13 replies

Tucky
My daughter will already be 2 in March. She's at a sometimes difficult age, or just going through a tough phase. She doesn't really talk yet; she knows some words but doesn't realize she can use them to tell me things. So now it happens almost daily that she gets frustrated when something doesn't work out, and then she starts screaming and throwing things really hard. This makes me pretty grumpy every time it happens again. My question is, how do you deal with such outbursts? If she goes too far and keeps throwing things or even starts hitting, I put her on the hallway for a few minutes. Usually, this has an effect. She's been at daycare for three weeks now, and the caregivers also say she has these outbursts and that they don't really know where they come from either.
And the fact that she doesn't talk yet, should I be worried? I do notice that she's getting more words, but it seems like she's not interested in talking.

Replies

  1. Mama vanJ #2

    Talking will come naturally... don't worry about it! And as for the tantrums, that's pretty normal for her age. She gets frustrated because she can't clearly express what she wants, and also because she can't do what she wants to do.

  2. Betty #3

    Are you a talker yourself or not? And your husband?
    I chat away a lot with my son. Just about everything I do and see. Eating, drinking, coloring, names, songs, stories, types, animals. But I notice that it helps. Our son will be 3 in May and already speaks quite clearly and in sentences. My husband also talks to him regularly. More in an adult tone, it's funny that difference.
    I also address such behavior with him, by kneeling down, making eye contact, and telling him in a low voice what I saw and that his reaction isn't okay. They don't talk much yet but understand a lot.
    I wouldn't worry too much yet because he is progressing, but I would pay some extra attention to it by consciously naming and practicing as much as possible.

  3. Tucky started this #4

    I'm not really a talker, though I can be quite chatty with people close to me. I also try to talk a lot to my daughter, telling her what I'm doing or will do, for example. "Mommy is going to cook dinner now, then we'll have a nice meal later." "I think your pants are dirty, come on, let's put on a clean pair." And I do this with everything that's going to happen during the day. And then suddenly, a word pops out. Recently while eating bread, I said to her, "Is Emma going to eat yummy peanut butter on her bread?" And she actually said "cheese." She's never called me mom. She knows the word, but she doesn't call me that. Even though I constantly refer to myself as mom.
    As for those tantrums, they sometimes make me so incredibly tired. And because we both end up frustrated, the atmosphere doesn't get any cozier. I'm also full of tension right now since we're about to sell the business.

  4. Anonymous Guest #5

    She doesn't know her feelings yet. She doesn't know what happens to her if things don't go as planned. It's strange that childcare doesn't understand that either.

    It's really the hardest for her. When she gets angry because something doesn't work out, go to her in time and tell her what's happening and what she might feel—angry, sad, frustrated. Try asking if you can help. Reassure her about the emotions that overwhelm her.

    At that age, they usually don't talk much yet. At 3 years old, they should use 3-word sentences. She's not even 2 yet. No worries.

  5. Tucky started this #6

    Thanks, I really needed to read this.
    That's exactly it, I don't really know how to deal with her frustrations. And then I feel like I'm failing as a mother because I have no idea how to handle this. I've never really known how to deal with small children either. Sometimes you see people who handle it amazingly well without seeming to put in any effort.
    Going to her and trying to talk about what's going wrong and what she feels, I can try that, or rather, try to approach it differently. I'm trying it now too, but usually she screams so loud that I give up on having a decent conversation and just let her vent.

  6. Betty #7

    Well, you're already chatting away with her! That's absolutely great and so lovely when she says something back and you can have a nice little chat.
    You can always come back to it later. And point out what happened or didn't work, and that she's allowed to get angry, but not allowed to throw things. And then let it go again, okay?
    It's a feisty age, but just be patient for a little longer, it's moving very fast right now.

  7. Anonymous Guest #8

    Comfort her when she's so sad. Hold her close and let her cry. She doesn't understand it either, just like you do. She feels your frustration too.

    It's not always smooth sailing with those moms either. Look up the age online. It's bound to be full of "aha" moments.

  8. Anonymous Guest #9

    Oh, the perfect parent doesn't exist, does it?

  9. Tucky started this #10

    Thanks, anonymous and Betty. I'll definitely look up some info on her age and how best to handle it. It's silly, really. When she was really a baby, I read every month about what to expect and how to respond... But somewhere along the way, I stopped doing that.

  10. Beagle #11

    I’ve had good experiences with baby sign language. My daughter is 13 months old now and already uses quite a few signs, even though she barely speaks. Sometimes in the morning when she’s sitting at the table, she gets upset and really doesn’t want to eat her bread. Then she makes the sign for drinking, wanting to drink first, and after that she’ll eat her bread.
    Or when she sees a dog, she makes the dog sign. That way you get a bit into her world without her being able to talk yet.
    The older they get, the faster they pick it up. Maybe it’ll help you
    Speaking will come eventually. Maybe she’s developing another skill right now, which is why she’s not focused on talking yet.

  11. Anonymous Guest #12

    Good tip, gebaren. We did that too here, not official, just common practice.

    Have you been able to apply it yet?

  12. deb95 #13

    Oh my! I could have written this. My son is from July 2017, but as we always say, there's a huge head start on him. One day everything is fine, and the next day he's screaming about everything and throwing things on the floor, leaving me pulling my hair out. Here it's mostly a communication thing. He wants something and doesn't understand why he can't have it, or he wants something and we don't understand him. I'm afraid it's just part of the age and that we just have to push through, but it's not exactly fun! The health center always comes for a home visit at 18 months, it's really a village haha, and they said it's very normal toddler behavior. He actually showed it during the visit too. By the way, I don't think you need to worry too much about talking, really. Does she already say anything? I think they only need to be able to say a few words, and for the rest, it's important how much they understand. And even then, it's just an average... and I already hate that anyway ;-)

  13. Tucky started this #14

    I could really look into those signs a bit more, just so communication becomes a bit easier. Haven't been able to apply many tips yet, my daughter is currently under the weather and on an antibiotic course, so she's extra clingy anyway. I do try to keep my 'cool' when she starts screaming while learning to walk. This morning was no exception; she wanted out of bed. So my morning started off quite irritable haha
    @deb, I think it's indeed mostly about the age, and I'm glad to read that I'm not the only mom who sometimes doesn't know what to do with it. She already says a few words but doesn't really use them to communicate yet. She mainly shouts them out completely random For example, during diaper changes, she might suddenly start shouting words, especially 'cheese' and 'apple' are her favorites.

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