Mother during childbirth?

Those question marks were supposed to be smileys,

I have a really close bond with my mom—we're truly very close—and I've had three births already, but all without her.
I think it's quite personal, but I really feel like birth is something just for the two of us. I wouldn't feel comfortable having her there...

I had my mom with me during the birth 4 months ago and really enjoyed it
I actually needed her more than my partner haha!
She was there for me when I needed her and stayed nicely in the background at other times. Plus, because of her presence, I also got some really nice photos of me, my partner, and our little girl...
Yeah, if you have a good bond, I definitely recommend it!
My mom herself also found it very special to experience and says she regrets that her own mother wasn't there for her birth.

Good luck x

Hi Mandy, I really wanted my mom to be there for my birth, and of course my husband.
When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter,
my mom and I have a very close bond; she’s really like a friend to me.
I really wanted her there too,
but she found it really hard, even very difficult.
She said she found it hard to be there because she couldn’t bear to see me in pain. I hadn’t expected that she wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I kept asking her, please, would you come?
And eventually, she agreed.
I was really glad she was there.
My husband and my mom were there,
and my little sister, which I actually didn’t want,
but she really wanted to come, and I felt bad saying no since she was still young, only 11.
For my second birth, only my husband was there,
but that felt different to me because it was already known; I had already experienced it and knew what to expect.
So I just wanted my husband there.
Since it was my first time and I was anxious, it felt better to have my mom there because she had also been through births and had endured the same pain.
It was actually funny; my husband was the only one who helped me through it best. He panted along with me and showed me how to breathe calmly between contractions. So sweet, so good and kind of him.
The midwife wasn’t much help; she just sat at a desk and kept writing.
She was still training, not yet a qualified midwife—terrible.
My husband even got tears in his eyes; it affected him so much. I never expected those tears
That’s my experience and how it went for me.
I’d say ask your mom to come; it’s such a special moment to share with her, I think.
Your mother is the most important person in your life,
so it seems logical and nice to have her there.
And she’s felt the same pain, so she knows what you’re going through. It makes it extra special to share that experience of your birth with her, it seems to me.
But well, you have to decide for yourself, of course.
That’s how I see it.
Best wishes, Madelene, and good luck with your baby soon

Thanks for the comments so far.
I've discussed it with my husband because I really feel good about it. We've decided to talk to my mom soon about how she'd feel about it. It would be nice if she could be there, but if she doesn't want to or can't, I won't keep asking or forcing her. I think if she wouldn't feel comfortable because she can't bear to see me in pain, I wouldn't feel comfortable either.
And besides, I don't want any other people around, even if they themselves would like to be there.

That's lovely, Mandy, that you and your husband decided to ask your mom
And of course, if your mom isn't up for it, don't force her. Just let her feel comfortable.
I know I can do that with my own mom.
We're much more than just mother and daughter; we're really close friends. Even during my childhood, she was both a mother and a friend to me.
It depends on the bond you share with your mom—whether you can keep asking or if you accept a "no" the first time.
I know my own mom, and I know that if I keep asking and explain how important something is to me, and want her there, she'll eventually give in and won't be able to say no.
My sister, well, wasn't too happy about it because I personally didn't want it. But since she was 11 and still young, I also felt bad sending her away.
Besides, I was afraid I'd regret it if I didn't let her be there but sent her away.
That's why.
Now I'm curious how your mom reacts to the question of whether she wants to be there?
Now that I have kids myself and have experienced two births, I can imagine my mom would have had trouble with the idea of being there and watching me suffer.
I suddenly think that maybe I'd also have a hard time watching and being there if my girls went through the same pain I did and I had to be there for it.
It's different when you've experienced it yourself.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your baby soon
Best, Madelene

Just to be clear, I didn’t force her, but I did beg her to please be there—that’s two very different things. I’ve always been like this with my mom; she’s used to it from me.

Great band and now the description is even better.

But personally, I think childbirth is something for two.

Plus, you also have the VK and postpartum care or in that case the hospital gynecologist, etc.

We could let the birth come naturally, that's how we did it.

Do you mean that now that she's a grandma, the bond is even better?

My mom was there for the birth of our three awesome kids and also during the miscarriage. I really appreciated having her there. A mother just gets what you're going through and can really support you.
Of course, we discussed everything with my husband. He also found it really nice. Men sometimes don't know what to do when they see their wife in so much pain.

That's so sweet that you want your mom to be there. I don't really think about it that much, I just want my partner there. She'll obviously be the first person I call when our little cloud arrives! Good luck with your decision, luckily you still have a little time

I personally think childbirth is something between me and my partner. I wouldn't want anyone else there. But that's of course different for everyone. I think it's best to just talk openly about it with your husband and mom and then come up with the best solution together.

Anonymous, you might experience it that way, but my husband was a huge help when I was in pain during labor and contractions. He was the only one who really helped me through it, not my mom and not the midwife. He even shed tears, he felt so connected to me, he said. He panted along with me, showed me how to breathe calmly without too much pain. He set that rhythm perfectly too. I was surprised by that, didn't expect that from a man, but I relied on him the most. Greetings, Madelene

Hi Mandy, with my first I even had both my parents and my cousin there to take photos. That was of course because I was partnerless, but I was so glad that they adjusted their holiday so they're on vacation in the Netherlands around my due date and thus reachable! Also because of my boyfriend's fainting practices!! I'd rather do it together with him, but that's probably really not going to happen.. A drop of blood, a syringe or too many medical terms and he's out!! And I experienced it while I was lying naked at the gynecologist.. my stress goes up then and that's maybe not so handy during a birth.. Hahaha..

So that's why I find it really special that both your parents are there. I couldn't imagine having my dad at my birth—I wouldn't want him to see me like that. That would be so embarrassing. I think he wouldn't be able to handle it either, seeing his daughter like that. My dad has never seen me naked either; I don't even want to think about it. But yeah, everyone's different, of course. It might feel comfortable for you. Oh, I can't even imagine it, just so you know, Mrs. D. With all respect, of course Just wanted to say that I found it quite unusual. Greetings, Madelene

Oh, that's not so handy if your friend faints so easily, Mrs. D. My husband is a bit scared of that too, but he doesn't faint at the gynecologist and such, so I think it'll be okay.

We're also going to do the joint childbirth course, so he knows what to expect and what might happen. Hopefully, he'll be better prepared then.

It's quite special that your dad was there the first time too. I never hear that much.
I wouldn't want that either. It would be too overwhelming for me if there were more people around, and I have a very good relationship with my dad, but it feels different with my mother. She experienced it herself, so I'm glad she's there.

Just to clarify.. My dad sat in a chair next to me during the contractions, talking to me with his warm, soft voice.. I stayed very calm throughout.. He didn’t watch the actual birth.. I can’t even remember exactly where he was standing at that moment.. But he didn’t want to. It’s a bit weird, indeed, to see your daughter naked..

Seeing him naked isn't even a problem, I go to the sauna regularly and my parents do too, so we're used to it.
But my dad is really a bit of a wimp when it comes to me and my mom. I don't think he can handle seeing me suffer in pain and that he can really be a support to me.
He can happily take care of the cat while we're in the hospital, that's a nice task for him, hihi.

My mom just left... I actually wanted to talk to her today but my head wasn't in it. The uncertainty about my husband's work isn't helping at all and there are all sorts of rumors going on in the background. He came home with that last night and just before mom arrived we actually had an argument about it because I think he should go after it himself to find out what exactly is intended for him. He's very passive...
I'm now on the couch with a pounding headache from the tension while he and dad are putting together the furniture.
I'll try to talk to mom this weekend. Hopefully the tension will have subsided by then.

Mandy, even over that nakedness thing: I think seeing people naked in a sauna is quite different from my dad seeing me naked. But yeah, it's all about how you look at it, of course. And I mean, personally, for a birth, the idea of having my dad there just gives me weird thoughts. He's very modern and still young himself; we also had a free-range upbringing at home, but I never felt comfortable with those kinds of things. It never even crosses my mind to want my dad there. He's far from being a pushover; he can handle seeing me in pain just fine. But yeah, it's nice to read about others' experiences and see how different everyone views and experiences it. And Mrs.D, that's only great if you have that kind of support from your dad and it helps—why not? For me, though, it would just be nothing. Greetings, Madelene