Forum 2nd trimester

My husband doesn't get it at all!!

62 replies · page 3 of 4

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  1. Anonymous Guest #41

    I completely agree with you!!

  2. Monkey #42

    @ Anonymous,

    We didn't really choose this together. He wanted kids, but preferred to wait a bit longer. I was totally ready for it, right then and there.
    When we got pregnant, it took him a while to get used to the idea too.
    Recently he even used this as an argument during an argument: 'Yeah, didn't you want a child so badly!'
    Ah, great..

    Just back from the supermarket, everything gets dropped in the kitchen. And mister turns on the TV.
    Am I supposed to put everything away in the cupboards, hang out the laundry, do the dishes AND take care of my son at the same time.
    Soon he's going to cook, so if the kitchen isn't clean he'll start complaining.
    Unfortunately, I'm not an octopus..

    I have to say that I (before I posted my reply here) always thought I wasn't doing enough, or that I said something wrong to him which made him so nervous and lose his patience every time. I'm glad I'm not going crazy, but that you all also think he should have more patience/respect and offer help.

    @ Lenita,

    I have that opinion too, and I can be quite a bitch.
    But I really don't feel like arguing all the time, and certainly don't have the energy for it.
    I think I sometimes do it the way Olivia-Anna does. Because then he says, 'You're home all day and you haven't done anything.' Well, if you can do it so much better, then do it yourself.

  3. Lenita29 #43

    I'm also home all day.. due to too many complications. My guy works himself to death and never hears him complain. And of course I make sure as much as possible happens at home. But what doesn't work.. well, it doesn't work. I understand you don't want to argue all the time. But you definitely shouldn't let people walk all over you. But you both need to work on it together... Back then in bed you were also together So not just the pleasures for him...

    I just have a hard time with the fact that women are treated like this.

  4. dammie #44

    My man also works a lot. He has his own business with his dad. And he helps out at home too... he even asks what he can do. He'd rather do everything, but I find it hard to let go. Our pregnancy was a surprise because the chance was actually really slim. So we were kind of like, "oh well, next year..." and then suddenly I got pregnant really fast hihihi. The first few weeks we just let it wash over us, and now we're just getting more curious hihihi. And we find it exciting.
    We did have a bit of a fight at first, understanding was difficult, and he was scared he wasn't ready yet. But when he saw our little one on the 12-week ultrasound, he was super proud. Now we're at 23 weeks... so we're already past the halfway point. Hii, I find it really exciting now.

  5. Maaike Guest #45

    So relatable! My boyfriend wanted to wait a bit, but I really wanted a baby because I felt ready. And now that I'm pregnant, if I just complain about having sore legs (for example), it's immediately, "Oh, you wanted to get pregnant, didn't you?" Well, thanks for that reaction! Mr. doesn't take me into account either because I clean every day and tidy up everything, and he messes it all up again like it's nothing. Pffff.

  6. zwijgt #46

    Even though this is super relatable for me, it's different for me. My boyfriend is really happy about the pregnancy. But as for him doing so much and having a short fuse—that's very relatable, but it was also like that before the pregnancy.

    His list: (he's unemployed)
    he cooks
    does the groceries 1-2 times
    waters the plants
    since I've been pregnant, he's been doing the cat litter boxes
    we do the big cleaning together on Sundays

    My list:
    I'm studying
    I'm applying for jobs for my boyfriend (every day)
    I (have to) assist with cooking
    I do the groceries 5-7 times
    I take care of the cat food, refresh the water, and give wet food
    I do 1-2 loads of laundry every day
    I do the dishes
    we do the big cleaning together on Sundays

    But he always complains that he does so much and that I should do a bit more haha

    And that short fuse is very relatable. My boyfriend can sometimes really not take anything or get angry out of nowhere. It often depends heavily on his mood, but you always have to think carefully about what you say, how you say it, and how you behave. He really needs a manual! But luckily I can usually handle it well but I also have a high temperament that I have to swallow 9/10 times with him, because it's hopeless anyway. But sometimes it does come up, and then it's BAM!

  7. Monkey #47

    @ Maaike,

    Sounds so familiar! I just got the kitchen spotless, and then Mr. has this fantastic idea to have a big meal, leaving everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) behind.
    Throwing that empty jar of tuna salad in the trash is such heavy work!

    @ Moedernatuur,

    Yeah, we’ve made lists too. His is always much longer than mine, according to him.

    His list:
    Cooking
    Mowing the lawn (in the summer then)
    During big clean-ups, vacuuming and mopping

    My list:
    Doing laundry
    Loading/unloading the dishwasher, washing dishes that don’t fit in the machine
    Cleaning up the kitchen after he’s cooked
    During big clean-ups, tidying rooms/living room/kitchen, dusting, cleaning windows, ...
    Watering the plants
    Plus, I have to feed my son every 3 hours (breastfeeding) + change diapers + prepare the diaper bag when we go out.. (And then he gets mad if I’m not ready on time..)

    We do the grocery shopping together, because he never feels like doing it alone, or sometimes I do it alone.

    They should swap places with us for a day; I think they’d only then realize how fast they think they’re doing ‘enough’!

  8. zwijgt #48

    Actually, I should probably laugh that they don't even notice it themselves . I mean, just listing them makes it pretty obvious, right? But yeah, maybe they're a bit less smart or they're pretending haha . Otherwise, I don't know either .

  9. Maaike Guest #49

    Hahaha, how hard we have it here. Exactly the same thing: I should have asked if he wants to clean up, and I get snapped at immediately. And the final score? He forgets to clean up, and it's still lying there! And yes, who has to clean it up? ME!

  10. onbegrepen Guest #50

    Dear Anna,

    I totally get what you mean and you're not the only one, you know..
    The "not taking it into account" is what I find the worst. I'm almost due and I'm experiencing everything I missed out on in terms of nasty ailments from the first trimester.
    Is Mr. Angry that I don't cook.... (that's my job around the house because he doesn't know a thing about it)
    I'm extremely nauseous and tired . Instead of him giving me the massage he promised two months ago... or doing things like assembling the crib or vacuuming....
    He says "when the baby is hungry later on you'll jump up anyway, right?? Or should he make a sandwich too..." Well, I cry of course and tell him he's being mean. Mr. Angry gets mad because (it's a boy) and hup, he goes outside again and I'm angry at home.

    I think I am more sensitive to certain remarks, but he should take that into account too. And even if he apologizes later, I really can't stand those kinds of remarks. I tell him this and then it's sorry, but a week later it seems like he has pregnancy amnesia and it's all different again..
    I'm busy doing and preparing for when the little one comes and he thinks I just watch TV series all day. I've been cleaning all day and then I say I'm going to sleep and he gets mad, saying "well, I could have just watched a movie/football at ........."
    I'm really sick of this constant guilt-tripping talk.
    Hello, we got pregnant together, you know. Fatigue and nausea come with the package.

    I'm staying strong despite my tears, but one of these days I'm really going to lose it and then I'll really put on one of those pregnant outfits... with all the smells he doesn't like...
    Let's see if he still has such a big mouth then...

  11. madelene #51

    Lucky for me, I never experienced this myself. My husband actually loved diving into my pregnancy. He read a book about women's emotions during pregnancy and what it does to them. So he understood me really well and supported me, helped me. It feels so lonely when you feel like you're going through it all alone. I'd say try involving him in the pregnancy; maybe he'll better understand what it means for you. My husband went to every ultrasound too. Wishing you all the best, greetings, Madelene.

  12. LR Guest #52

    Hi everyone! I'm 30 weeks pregnant now and I'm finding myself worrying about so many things. Lately, I've also been sleeping poorly. My boyfriend snores too (he has a condition that keeps his nose constantly blocked). I wake up at the slightest noise or movement, especially because he likes to cuddle up against me, which I really can't handle right now. I'd even prefer to sleep separately at this point, but that's not possible...

    Often when I'm awake in bed, I notice the baby is awake too. I wonder if this is because I'm so restless?

  13. karima #53

    Hi lovely ladies, I've read your stories one by one and was completely shocked that some of you let yourselves be belittled and humiliated by your husbands. I'm married to a Moroccan man and I can tell you he's a real treasure; he treats me like a queen day and night. I couldn't imagine him coming home and saying, "Go clean up or is the food ready yet?" That would show a total lack of respect! And when I was younger, I went through so much that I won't let any man treat me like that! We women aren't here just to do the laundry, cooking, and cleaning, right? And if some men don't realize that, they should just pick up their lazy butts and do something themselves instead of treating their wives like that—it makes me so angry! And ladies, stop letting yourselves be treated like this; you deserve so much more, especially more respect!

  14. * #54

    @Karima,

    I completely agree with you..

    Love Ju or well mavanmi

  15. karima #55

    Hi Emily, oh my, what a story! Personally, I would never go to a doctor like that, just straight out, because I don't believe in it. I have my beliefs, and I hold on to them. If my husband did what your husband did, it would be over and done with, because that's unforgivable! This is just my opinion. X

  16. karima #56

    lenita30, I find it scandalous that people try to make money off someone else's problems if the story isn't true. Those people should be ashamed. X

  17. karima #57

    hey dear anonymous, i think it's awful that you have to feel this way about yourself, especially during pregnancy, which is a time when you crave love and affection even more. i personally have the luck of having my husband always there for me, but that doesn't mean i don't understand you, sweetheart. stay strong on your feet and let no one, absolutely no one, give you such a rotten feeling—you don't deserve that. after all, you're the mother of his children, so respect should be more in order here. have you talked to him about how you feel? i can imagine that being together in this way is anything but ideal. you shouldn't let yourself be treated like this, and you're certainly not a slave. stand up for yourself, sweetheart. no matter how big the love is, you don't sound happy at all. maybe you're reading this because the situation has improved a bit—that would be wonderful. if not, you'll always find a listening ear here. lots of love.

  18. Fanny Guest #58

    My husband goes for walks alone every week and thinks this is normal! He blames me and has already given me a hard time. Right now, I feel like everyone is selfish and I feel so alone with my little girl pff

  19. Hannah Guest #59

    Hi Anna,

    This sounds so familiar. My husband wants me to keep doing everything around the house, and he just sits there drinking coffee while knowing that the smell makes me want to vomit immediately. Like, do I expect him to stop drinking coffee? Of course I do; I find it shocking that he doesn't just stop on his own when he says he loves me.

    He keeps saying my priorities are wrong because I work half-days. But I do that work from home, because going to the office just doesn't work for me right now. And he doesn't like that either: he wants me to go to the office AND put the housework first, above work. So that can't happen at the same time! If he has to cook one evening because I can't stand the smell of baking and roasting, he just gets angry and grumbles all evening. Even now that we agreed he cooks 3 times a week and I do the dishes on those days, he does it max once a week and still complains, even beforehand trying to get out of it!

    In the house, he only does something if I do something first (while I basically can't do much right now). I have to do everything, even on days I work. But he doesn't do anything on his days off, which are the days I do work. And if I have a day off, he gets mad if I've "only" done the laundry. He measures with two different standards, except where there are currently two standards because I feel so terrible from the pregnancy. We talk about it every day, but he doesn't get it. He doesn't want to get it unless the outcome is that he only has to do the things he likes – and he doesn't even do those things.

  20. Anoniempje Guest #60

    Mine can be a bit much too. I've been busy all day, and since Mister just started work, he's really grumpy. And yeah, then I forgot to take the laundry out of the washing machine, or the last bit of dishes is still sitting there, which I'll do tomorrow. I get pillows thrown at me, like "just sleep on the couch," because when I didn't have a job yet, I did everything for you too.

    I'm going to school (almost done), I'm pregnant, and I'm tired too. It's the first time for me that all the tasks fall on me, and I have to find my way around that.

    Meanwhile, after a day like this, I've already washed myself, hung up about 3 loads of laundry, done the dishes, vacuumed, used the lint roller to pick up hair from the couch, cooked, and done the dishes again.

    And then, indeed, having such a big mouth at those moments... I really want to say, "I'll do it all alone," but there's no appreciation for what I do, for the things I have done?

    Disrespectful shouting at the woman carrying your child.

    Yeah, it makes me pretty pissed off, and I'm going to let him know about it now.

    I was looking for something to write down to get it off my chest, because I can't talk to him about it, and I'm not going to talk to the cat.

    My emotions, yeah, they run high. Do you have absolutely no respect then?

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