My husband doesn't get it at all!!

Hi Anne,

Wow, that sounds really intense. It sounds a bit like you're also struggling with yourself, or am I reading that wrong? If that's the case, it naturally affects your relationship.

On the other hand, your husband should NEVER just start yelling at you. That's not okay and you don't have to put up with it. You need to make that clear to him in one way or another. It's not good for your baby either once the little one arrives. Your husband really needs to learn quickly how to resolve arguments without yelling.

Hi Anna,

I can read the frustration in your story. And I certainly understand it to some extent too. May I ask how far along you are in your pregnancy? I'm 37 weeks now and I simply have no energy left and I'm still carrying a baby. My husband thinks he does a terrible amount around the house... I wonder what he actually does haha. Meanwhile, I'm busy with my little lady, nesting, doing housework, making sure all the groceries are in the house before the little one arrives, etc. etc. I'm also busy with the last little things that need to be done around the house. And then I hear someone sighing that he's tired... terrible. And when I say I'm tired, he says you're home all day!?!?!?!?!?!

If I had worn clogs, they'd be broken by now ;-).

It's really hard for a man to understand, I've found out. But what your husband really needs to do and perhaps learn is to respect you. Because from how I read your story, his respect for you is missing. And shouting is really not good, not for him, especially not for you, but also not for your baby inside. The baby experiences everything.

Also, I have a question: do you feel happy? Because it can happen that due to hormones you feel a bit down or even depressed. If you only go to the midwife, discuss this with her, this is oh so important!!!

Girl, lots of strength and let me know how you're doing. Take your rest where you can, just take it!

Lies, Nicole

Hi Anna,

Oh my! That's absolutely not okay! If my boyfriend did that to me, I'd kick him out of the house immediately.

You really don't have to accept that! I also think he should show some respect for you and your unborn baby.

I assume you also have a say in what happens in your home, and staying over for one night is fine. But a whole week right now, in your situation? Girl, I really hope he'll accept that hormones and tiredness are part of pregnancy, and that you have feelings too.

Good luck and stay strong!

Hi Anna,

That doesn't sound like a nice situation for you guys at all.

I think it's indeed very hard for men to understand this. You say you're also really struggling with your hormones and can be mean. Maybe he just can't handle those changes... Anyway, shouting isn't nice and really shouldn't happen. I'm lucky that I haven't had much trouble with those hormones so far. I did talk a lot with my boyfriend and sort of warned him about what might come and what he might have to look forward to (don't mess with a pregnant lady ;-) ). I regularly shared things I read about pregnancy with him. Right now I'm very calm and so is my partner. If I do get angry, I fear my partner wouldn't handle it well either. I don't know if he could really fully understand this. I think it's very important to keep talking to each other. I hope you two figure it out soon and that in the future you'll have less trouble with those evil: hormones and your boyfriend can show some understanding.

Love!

Hi Anna,

That's not really nice if your boyfriend reacts like that. Does he really mean it like that, or do you just pick up on his comments like I do? He doesn't mean it at all, and I immediately feel attacked . But if he really says it like that, then it's really rude, and if he has problems with it, shouldn't he just do the cleaning? You're already busy enough with being pregnant.

I find it a bit strange that he pays so little attention to you and your pregnancy. Maybe you could give him the book 'Help, I got my wife pregnant' (or something like that) so he can try to empathize a bit more with you and how you're feeling. Good luck!!!

Hi Anna,

You deserve your rest. You're pregnant and your body is working hard 24/7 to grow your little miracle so big that it can be born in a few months...

I agree with most of the ladies that the way your partner is treating you right now is crazy. If I were you, I'd have a long, good talk with your partner to get things straight. Maybe even with one of your parents around, or make it a topic during a visit to the GP... Just do what feels right.

You should do something about it, because otherwise, this could get pretty unpleasant, even after you give birth... Then you'd have to deal with your partner's sister, when it should really be the other way around..

Hang in there, girl,

Love, Ju

hey girls, thanks for your replies!
I'm not tangled up with myself, no, I'm just really tired and have just gotten through a pretty stressful period. I've been very busy planning our wedding for the last 6 months. This wedding was spread out over 3 days because he has family and friends all over Europe, you know.. and not 3 days in a row, but one day one month, then another day a month later, etc. After the wedding in the Netherlands, his mother then screamed at me because she didn't like anything that day. On top of that, we have problems in our house (it's full of mold due to a leak) and the landlord won't do anything, saying it's our fault because we hang our clothes inside to dry after washing (I think everyone does that when it rains outside, but apparently our landlord finds this very weird). Now we have to leave our house by the end of this week and we don't have a new place yet, so we're moving to a temporary place at the end of this week, but that means we'll have to move again in 1 or 2 months. And then my husband wants to go to Paris for a week before the end of August (to see the whole family, so not just a cozy quiet time with the 2 of us) and another week to Tunisia where the rest of the family is (to get married again). And then I just sleep really badly, all in all it's just become too much for me. I've talked about it again, but he just doesn't get it. Then he says things like how can you be tired when you're home all day (I don't have a job, but that doesn't mean I do nothing all day, not at all). And regarding the sister, now half the family has arrived, so I'm in a 75 square meter place with also mothers (who generally give me stress anyway), another sister and her husband, well, try to relax then, I can't do that. Sorry for the long story, thanks for your replies! love, anna

Hi Anna,

This is not normal indeed. Like Katie, I wonder what culture this is. Are you Dutch yourself and is your husband Arab? If it's already like this, you can expect it to only get worse...

Do you even have a say in anything... I hope you find some peace soon amidst all the chaos. If I were you, I'd also inform your own family about these circumstances.

This isn't good for you. You need your peace, girl.

Strength and go for you and the baby because this seems like a hell you're living in right now...

Love and lots of strength, Ju

I agree with what's been said above. This is not normal, you know.

Hi Anna,
All these women are right, but you're not the only one. I also have a man who sometimes doesn't understand me at all, and I'm not allowed to be grumpy. If I do, he ignores me for half a day, and whenever he does something, I have to forgive everything. We also have a housing issue; I'm currently in a private two-room apartment that's very damp and extremely cold in winter. I keep doing my best to look for houses and apply for urgency requests, but when things don't go my way, I get emotional, and his response is just "yes, it'll be fine."
So it's not good what they're doing, but lots of strength to you!

Hi Chaniiej,

You too, lots of strength! What on earth is going on with those guys, seriously.. They should be supporting you right now through thick and thin... Well, stay strong and I hope that the men of Anna and Chaniiej will come to their senses soon... And that the women in question will stand up for themselves a bit more. You don't just have duties, you DEFINITELY have rights too, don't forget that..

Strength Ju

I just want to emphasize once more that this reaction has little to do with culture. I myself am married to a Moroccan (born and raised there), and he understands it better than my Dutch mother, who never had any issues during her pregnancy. We are also in a stressful situation: my mother is seriously ill, my husband's employer went bankrupt, our house needs renovation, and my employer doesn't want to renew my contract because I've been home for 7 weeks due to pregnancy-related illnesses (flu, fever, sore throat). Although this, combined with hormones, naturally causes tension, I receive a lot of support from my husband. He does all the housework and takes care of me while I'm sick on the couch, and that's how it should be! As soon as I shed a tear because the symptoms after 16 weeks still haven't gone away, he comforts me and says calmly, "Take it easy for the baby." Don't ignore this and think about yourself and your baby, so take the rest you need, while also showing understanding for your husband's family ties; otherwise, it will only backfire. I am now in Morocco after many delays, feeling sick again after feeling better for a bit, and I feel bad that I can't help my mother-in-law and my husband can't go anywhere with me. Plus, I can't keep anything down, and nothing tastes good, yet I don't force myself. Listen to your body and try to make it clear to your husband what you're feeling, as often as necessary. Wishing you lots of strength.

I totally get you, it's your hormones or maybe a bit of stress. I'm also dealing with a lot of it right now, especially the stress part. For me, it's because my first pregnancy wasn't exactly a walk in the park, and all that stuff is coming up again. Luckily, my husband is understanding and lets me do my own thing. I also prefer to be alone right now; I can't handle crowds. I think your husband or partner should show a bit more understanding, since you didn't ask for this, right? Wishing you lots of strength!

Wow, that’s intense!!

It’s exactly the opposite for us. My man is suffering terribly from his hormones!! Nausea and vomiting!!
It’s often really funny, but recently I sort of encouraged him to go out with his friends (I thought it would be good for him to get some relief; he hadn’t been out of the house for months).
But he came home drunk (which I can handle), but he was mean!! He yelled at me, saying everything all at once!!!!
He even said I forced the baby on him or something like that. Out of nowhere.

Now, I’m someone who doesn’t take crap, so the next morning, while he was still sleeping, I calmly packed a bag and left for a few days. I stayed at a hotel and with good friends.
He had no memory of it at all and was shocked by what he had said. He earnestly begged me to forgive him and made it clear that our daughter is more than welcome.

Everything is calm now. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder where this came from??
Normally, he’s incredibly caring, especially if I so much as frown or need to sit down for a moment..

@olivia-anna,

I didn't get why I hadn't heard anything from you via PM. But I get it now, well.
You had other things on your mind...
How awful to have to deal with that....
People who sometimes act so weird out of nowhere... truly a "leaf on a tree" reaction.

Good for you that you left.

How are you doing now?

Love, ju

Hi Olivia-Anna,

Oh my, it's good that you left so calmly, really.
I think that makes more of an impression than going back to shout, right?
I know I can react very differently because of my hormones right now; would that also apply to your husband, even though he doesn't have those hormones?

I hope things are getting better for you both,
Warm regards, Dani

Hey Olivia-Anna,

That’s quite a lot.
I happened to read an article last week about a man (http://www.telegraaf.nl/buitenland/12890160/__Brits_stel_samen_zwanger__.html) who is pregnant along with his wife.
The article was actually quite funny, but from your story you can see that there’s also a downside to it

I think you did the right thing. I really hope it was a one-time thing and that he’ll be sensible enough next time out not to drink so much. Good grief............. speaking of a drunk guy.....
Wishing you lots of success and strength.

@Gerda,
What a funny article...
Only in stark contrast to Olivia-Anna's story.

Love, Ju

Hi, I'm back!!!

Yes, Ju can also be quite funny (topic, "man with pregnancy symptoms," remember?)
Thanks for your concern!!

But this was the flip side, which fortunately has completely turned around again!!
Indeed, I can't shout back and know that I then come across as very controlled by calmly picking up my things..
I always say: You have to react in the opposite way of what is expected, then they get confused and it worked:

He just helped paint the baby room, lovely like that just the two of us.
And when I'm busy with the wall painting, he brings me something nice.
And now he's also having a chat with his little daughter in the evening..
This morning he went over the sink and toilet again!! hahaha!! what a pancake!
It's really one extreme to the other, isn't it..

But I really hope it stays this way!