Forum 2nd trimester

so unsure after a premature birth

16 replies

Kim
Hello dear people,

I'm Kim, 23 years old, and last October I gave birth to identical twins, Elif and Esma. Unfortunately, they were born way too early at 20 weeks, so they didn't make it.

I'm now pregnant again, around 21 weeks, but I'm so unsure despite having had my 20-week scan last week and everything being fine. I'm under the care of the VU in Amsterdam, where they're really helpful. But every time, I'm just so scared, naturally because of what I've been through.

My friends and family keep saying it'll be okay, that I'm well looked after, and that I shouldn't stress too much because it's not good for the baby. And I know all that, but I just can't enjoy my pregnancy.

I was wondering if more people have experienced something like me or if they have any tips for me.

Thanks in advance!

Kind regards,

Kim

Replies

  1. Natalie #2

    Hey Kim,

    I haven't experienced what you're going through, but I want to wish you lots of strength. Being so worried is more than normal in my opinion. Once you're 24 weeks along, you might feel just a little bit more at ease; my sister was born at 24 weeks, and that was 25 years ago! There were some complications at first, but now she's a fantastic and perfectly healthy woman!!!

    Good luck and stay strong!!!

    Love

  2. Kim started this #3

    Hey Nathalie,

    thanks for your message!
    Yes, indeed, around 24 weeks they are viable. I was just a month before that, so my girls couldn't make it.
    It's nice that your sister did survive, though, at 24 weeks.
    I also just live from scan to scan. And indeed, I'll be happy when I reach around 24, 26, 28, and then 30 weeks.
    How is your pregnancy going? Is everything okay?

    Greetings

  3. Natalie #4

    Hey Kim,

    Oh, that story really touches me. Things like that happen in life, but it still doesn't leave me unaffected, so having to go through something like that... pfff... I can well imagine you're cautiously happy right now and living for every ultrasound. A few more weeks and you'll be 24 weeks!

    I really hope everything goes well for you!!!

    I can't complain about my pregnancy. It's my second child, we already have a little boy of 2.5 years. I've been really tired lately and have a lot of lower back pain. But I guess those are the usual ailments. So I shouldn't complain, I have a nice pregnancy. If I can sneeze occasionally, it works out fine ;o)

    How is your pregnancy going, besides the uncertainty? Do you have a lot of ailments?

    Love

  4. Nicole Guest #5

    Hi Kim,
    I really understand your story. I had a miscarriage later on myself and couldn't truly enjoy the pregnancy until after 24 weeks. Now everything is going well, and we're already in the viability stage.
    I can only say try to stress as little as possible, but it's oh so normal. I hope you'll be able to enjoy your pregnancy soon. And that a beautiful, healthy baby will be born.
    Lots of strength!

    Nicole

  5. liena #6

    hey kim.
    i totally relate to your story. it took me 5 years before i got pregnant for the first time. we didn't do any fertility treatments because we just let it happen naturally. after a while i lost hope and suddenly i was pregnant. we were so happy. but at 24 weeks the joy turned into great sadness. my placenta had detached and i had a cervical infection. our girl didn't make it. after a year we started with fertility treatments and in the second year i got pregnant spontaneously again (we had to pause treatment because of vacation). after 8 weeks i had a miscarriage. :s right after the miscarriage i was pregnant again and was very insecure until 24 weeks. the baby might be viable then but that doesn't always mean it will actually work out. i was so insecure too. especially because i had bleeding in the beginning of the pregnancy, i did nothing but google to try and understand my symptoms. calling the gyn and whatever. but because we went through all that we got good follow-up care. but what is good follow-up care? they did check some extra things but you had to point it out. especially because in our hospital they often have a different gyn. now i'm 34 weeks pregnant and everything is still going well. but i only started enjoying my pregnancy when i was 27 weeks.
    lots of strength
    liena

  6. Kim started this #7

    Hi Nicole,
    Thanks for your message! It’s tough to hear that you also had a miscarriage in a later stage, but it’s nice that after 24 weeks you could finally start enjoying your baby. And now you’re in the term of viability, that’s really great! How far along are you now? I try to stress as little as possible, but it’s so hard for me. Thanks for your kind words.
    Love, Kim

  7. Kim started this #8

    Hey Liena,
    That's so sad to hear that you went through the same thing, and at 24 weeks too. Is it viable then? Of course, it's still very small, but I guess you secretly still have that hope that she'll make it.
    And then immediately a miscarriage after that, that's intense.. I completely understand that it must have been very hard for you to start enjoying your baby, and then also to believe that this time everything will go well. And then with bleeding on top of that, that doesn't make it easy.
    I have to say that they really keep a close watch on me at the VU in Amsterdam, I come in for checks and measurements every week, internally checking my uterus to see that labor doesn't start too early.
    Last time, during my appointment, I unexpectedly already had dilation, and after lying in the hospital for a long time and doing everything possible, unfortunately my waters still broke. I knew then that it was over, that nothing more could be done, and that I would have to give birth to my two beautiful girls. Oh, so difficult!
    That's why I'm just so scared! But well, I am indeed well under control and now it's a singleton, so of course a completely different pregnancy than a twin pregnancy.
    That's great that you're already 34 weeks pregnant!!! And I completely understand that you could only start enjoying it around 27 weeks. I hope I can really do that too!!
    Do you already know if you're having a girl or a boy? And do you have a lot of complaints now that you're so far along?
    Love, Kim

  8. Nicole Guest #9

    Hi Kim,

    I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and we're expecting a girl.

    Love, Nicole

  9. Kim started this #10

    Hi Nicole, that's so nice, congratulations! Enjoy it. Greetings

  10. liena #11

    I have gestational diabetes, which is basically the only thing I’ve had this pregnancy. With my first pregnancy, I was really tired and often felt dizzy. This time, not at all. I haven’t been nauseous either. So actually, I have nothing to complain about, apart from the bleeding.
    We’re expecting a little boy this time

    Greetings, Liena

  11. Natalie #12

    Good morning Kim,

    I’ll be 27 at the end of this week. So I was 24 with my first son. There will be exactly 3 years between them; our son was born on November 2nd and now my due date for our girl is October 17th.

    I can well imagine that you’ll only feel truly 100% at ease when you can hold your baby in your arms. Every mom feels that way, especially after what you’ve been through—I really understand that.

    Still, I hope you can enjoy your pregnancy here and there, feel those little kicks from your baby saying everything is fine!

    It’s good that you don’t have too many complaints either, right? If those were added too...

    Oh, you still work too? How long are you going to work and when exactly is your due date?

    I still work too, but I work as a clerk, so it’s not physically demanding. Just the commute to and from work is quite a lot, but hey, it is what it is. I’m also going to work as long as possible, until the end of September. I did the same with my first, so I can stay home longer afterwards. But that’s obviously still to be seen if it’s feasible.

    How was the check-up today?

    Love,

  12. Kim started this #13

    Hey Nathalie, sorry for my late reply, I just saw your message. It's nice that you already have a little boy and are now having a daughter, and the age difference is nice too. My sister and I are about 2 years apart and that's really nice. Ah, your due date is October 17th, mine is 3 days later. For the past 2 weeks I've indeed felt little kicks and that's a nice feeling. I'm still working and want to stop 6 weeks early. I work with a disabled girl and it's quite hard work, I'm going on leave on September 6th. Being a nanny also seems quite demanding, right? You're probably often flying back and forth, I think. It's nice that you can stay home longer though. My check-up was all good again, my cervix is still long and the little one is moving plenty. I'll keep coming weekly until I'm 26 weeks, that feels nice, I have to go again next Thursday. When do you have another ultrasound? Love, Kim

  13. Anonymous Guest #14

    Hi, I can totally relate to your story. I’ve had two miscarriages at 7 months, and now I’m pregnant again at 30 weeks. I still have those fears, but you really need to try to enjoy it. I’m also under care at Dijkzigt in Rotterdam, but that fear always comes back—hoping everything stays well and continues to go well. I really hope you can start enjoying it too.

  14. Anonymous Guest #15

    Hi everyone, I read your stories here and it makes me very sad. I haven't gone through it myself, but my daughter has. So I know I don't really belong here, but I can't find any forum for grandmas who have experienced this. I've been struggling with it for almost 15 months now, grieving for the baby and grieving for my daughter.

    She's now a few weeks pregnant after having two miscarriages. So I really relate to that insecurity and fear.

    My question now is, how did you mothers experience it?

    I wish you all a very prosperous pregnancy with a beautiful, healthy baby as the result.

    Grandma N.

  15. Jolanda Guest #16

    Hi Kim,

    We also lost our little girl last year at 24 weeks of pregnancy. You don't wish anything so terrible on anyone.
    I'm now over 20 weeks pregnant and everything looked good. But I really relate to your nerves. I have to come every week and talk to a psychologist from the hospital. As I get closer to 24 weeks, I notice I'm getting very tense.

    I wish you a good pregnancy and hope you also have moments where you can enjoy it. Because there's really a little miracle growing in our bellies .

    Greetings, Jolanda

  16. Sylvie #17

    Hey Kim,

    what you shared sounds so familiar.
    I myself gave birth after 23 weeks in my first pregnancy, my son was too small to make it. The doctors don't know what went wrong, I had been checked a week before and everything was fine. Because I had an infection, they gave me antibiotic courses one after another until something worked, the labor itself lasted almost 20 hours, super heavy all around.
    9 months later pregnant again, but had a miscarriage after 2 months, had nothing to do with the first time said the doctor.
    Now I'm 15 weeks pregnant and constantly worried. When I found out I was pregnant, I went to the gynecologist every 2 weeks.
    My first external check-up was at 12 weeks and now the gynecologist says I have to come back at 16 weeks, so it's constant worry until that check-up is over.
    No matter what family or friends say, you just can't do anything about it, that worry just stays. But I think that's not abnormal after everything you've been through.
    I just really try to follow all the doctor's advice perfectly, stopped smoking, put in anti-biotic cream every week to avoid infections, etc. etc. etc.
    You can't blame yourself, if you know you're doing everything possible, then you can only assume it will go well this time....
    I wish you all the best with this pregnancy, and if you want to talk about it, just let me know.
    Greetings,
    SYLVIE

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.