Forum The birth

Also scared of the (painful) birth?

46 replies · page 1 of 3

Katie
Hi ladies,
This is my first pregnancy and I'm already at 14 weeks. Who of you has already given birth and how would you describe the pain? I'm really scared of the pain that's coming; I hear so many stories and every woman I've talked to says it's truly awful (hellish) pain. Now I know no one will answer my question by saying it'll be amazing and not painful, but I'm so curious how and where you feel the pain. Is it stabbing in your belly and back, or how does it feel?
Thanks,
Katie

Replies

Page 1 of 3

  1. Elsje Guest #2

    For me, the contractions feel like really, really, really bad period cramps. It starts with some nagging, then it slowly builds up until it's really painful, and then it goes away again.

    But apparently, it's different for every woman. A friend of mine described the contractions as 'a bit annoying' and thought I was making a fuss :-)

    But I'm not afraid of my next delivery. You really get into a kind of labor mode; you shut everything out and focus on giving birth. Right after a contraction, you've already forgotten about it. Right after the birth, you don't remember about 90% of it, and the next day it feels like you dreamed it.

    And if you really can't handle it, there are always hospital treats... morphine, pethidine... yum :-)

  2. Katie started this #3

    Thanks Elsje, now I hear often that such a morphine/other painkiller is too late and that they don't do it anymore. That happens almost more often than they do it when I hear and read so many stories. Almost all my friends wanted such an injection and in all three the nurse said; it's too late, sorry! So, assuming the worst, I won't get it either.
    I even hear stories from many women that at the moment you think you're going to die (you have so much pain) the baby comes. And out of pain scale 1 to 10 most give a 9 or even a 10!!! Well I really have such a fear of that childbirth, and it has to of course. Now I also know almost for sure that if the baby is in your arms you forget everything....but still....the pain is not something of 2 minutes but a few hours! and if you're unlucky a few days!!! I know no one can "help" me with this....just go for it I think but no choice ha ha ha
    Katie

  3. Elsje Guest #4

    Hi Katie,

    That’s not my experience. With the first one, they just came to ask if I wanted an epidural when my water broke. I didn’t think it was necessary at the time because everything was going fine.

    The pain is only really intense at the peak of each contraction, lasting about 20 seconds or so. After that, you get a few minutes of rest.

    My second birth was a bit more difficult because I started pushing too early and had to hold it back for an hour and a half. I received morphine until the point where I really had to push. 10 minutes later, my son was born!

    Elsje

  4. Lexy #5

    Nowadays they often hook you up to a pump with painkillers...
    Of course, giving birth isn't pleasant and it hurts... But well, you're doing it for a reason!

    The making part is just (in most cases) a lot more enjoyable

  5. Ruth #6

    Laughing going in, screaming coming out!

  6. Esther #7

    And then the birth comes

  7. sharon #8

    Hi there,
    don't let yourself get too scared. I had a hell of a birth and still didn't realize I was having contractions. I had such a scare, but it passed quickly, especially once you see and hear that little miracle.
    My first baby was in labor, and after 30 hours, we finally decided to do an emergency C-section. Maybe it wasn't so bad because it was unexpected, and personally, I found this experience nicer.
    I won't say that giving birth doesn't hurt, but don't let your head get worked up. It's different for every woman.

    Good luck, and by the way, I'm 38 weeks pregnant again and scared again. I think this is really normal; otherwise, you wouldn't be a worried mom in the first place, I think :=)

    Good luck

  8. Dani #9

    Trying not to be scared.
    Of course it hurts, and when I think back to how I explained the pain to my partner, friends, and girlfriends (who have all given birth by now), I think: okay, we'll just have to see...

    When I was about 14 (I'm 40 now), I once saw a birth on TV of a large Surinamese woman... she was screaming, I mean! I was absolutely terrified and of course didn't know that this isn't standard.
    I had then resolved never to do that, and that's been my bad luck.
    Not that you have to scream loudly, but I held myself back very much, and in doing so, I unconsciously held back the birth.
    Instead of my partner supporting me well, she had me flooded with sedatives, and you know what, I only felt the contractions and was otherwise completely checked out.
    Now I absolutely won't let that happen again (will inform my partner) because I hope to experience it consciously now.

    Every pain you feel brings your baby a little closer, you have to get through it, and there are people around you (partner, OB/GYN, family, dad) who also take care of you and your baby.

    Greetings, Dani

  9. Olivia-Anna Beekman #10

    I try to listen as little as possible to (the negative side of) what others say about their births.
    1 thing is certain: They all survived!! So did you!!
    I'm pregnant with my first baby, but I'm trying to enjoy my pregnancy even more, gathering energy for later..
    Staying positive is so important!!!
    Your baby feels your fear and picks it up.
    Personally, I would never take pain relief because of the high risks it brings. (Look it up!!!)
    I agree with Sharon: Don't let them get to you.
    My sister had a very difficult birth (everything on tape)
    and the only thing she clearly remembered was the humor she used...
    and her baby boy in her arms..

  10. Mieke Guest #11

    I've had a lot of kids in the world, both at home and in the hospital, and the end result is always...BLESS...

    The positive part depends solely on yourself.
    Good advice, don't panic, which leads to breathing differently.
    Make sure you aim for the breathing you need, and if the feeling comes: "I can't take it anymore," then the baby is here very quickly.

  11. Anoniem #12

    I’m also incredibly scared of giving birth. My first was a C-section, but I didn’t feel like myself psychologically. Now that I’m pregnant again, I’m afraid of a recurrence. I’m allowed to have a normal delivery now, but I’m scared of the birth and my mental state—maybe it’ll go the same way as before. My whole pregnancy went well until the C-section; after that, I wasn’t happy about anything. That’s why I can’t really enjoy this pregnancy either, because I’m afraid of what’s coming.

  12. Verwijderd #13

    pff I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I'm incredibly scared!

  13. Mommy-Of-Nyana #14

    Hi ladies, I'm also expecting our first. And honestly, I'm not really scared of the birth yet, I'm about 32 weeks... and everyone says to stay calm, while my boyfriend is already worried that he won't be able to handle it... I don't want any pain relief either because of the risks for both the baby and the mom... since my friend was almost paralyzed by the pain relief when it was injected incorrectly. Now this happens very rarely, but I actually want to consciously experience the pain that comes with childbirth. I assume our grandparents all had to do it without it, and when I ask my grandma, she always says, "Sweetheart, there's nothing as beautiful as going through this, and the pain is nothing compared to the little miracle you get in return." So ladies, don't panic, our babies need to come out, and a birth can't happen without pain, but as the experienced ladies say, you forget it all as soon as you hold your little one. And worrying or stressing doesn't help much; you just pass it on to your little wonder... Lots of love.

  14. selina Guest #15

    Hi everyone

    This is my second delivery too. I'm 15 weeks now and still feel a bit apprehensive about it. Not because of the pain, though: that's just 1-2 "heavy" days in your life and you actually forget it pretty quickly once you look at your beautiful little miracle.
    I can't quite put my finger on what exactly I'm apprehensive about.
    I do know that I'm making a plan for how I want things to go, and I want to let nature take its course and use gravity, so I plan to give birth on a birthing stool. With nice, calm music and incense. Things that help me relax!!!

  15. bebis #16

    There are people who will never get to experience childbirth, and yet people are complaining about being afraid of a painful delivery?

  16. Anoniem #17

    Some have already had a traumatic birth experience, and this can have a huge impact on them. One person deals with it this way, and another that way. And people don't whine—it's fear, and there's a difference between whining and fear.

  17. Anoniem #18

    Some have already had a traumatic birth experience, and this can have quite an impact on them. One person deals with it this way, and another that way. And people don’t whine—it’s fear, and there’s a difference between whining and fear.

  18. Mommy-Of-Nyana #19

    Totally agree, there are people who can never relate to this for various reasons... which I'm sure all the women here find really upsetting! Because I think as women, we all reach a certain point in our lives where we're afraid of never being able to have our own children...

    But that doesn't mean the people here who do manage to conceive shouldn't share their feelings... They're scared of giving birth, which I can totally understand, especially if it's their first baby! And as Karina says, some have had a traumatic birth, which can have a huge impact... Everyone processes their birth experience in their own way.

    And nagging and anxiety are indeed two different things; they're worlds apart.

  19. Anoniem #20

    Well said, I completely agree!

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