Forum 1st trimester

First pregnancy questions.

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  1. linda Guest #21

    And I would have held it against my mother if she had kept smoking like that during my pregnancy.

  2. linda Guest #22

    Babies that shrink up in the womb because they're choking on mom's smoke and can't get any air. I find it heartbreaking that you treat the uterus as the baby's little house, welcoming the baby, but then pollute it with nicotine shit and carcinogens. I really lay in bed with the curtains closed for 2 months, didn't watch TV, was sad, felt confused without cigarettes, but couldn't bear the thought of damaging my baby in the womb. That's how I fought that nasty addiction. After the ultrasound and hearing the little heartbeat, it got better and better. Then I knew what I was doing it for. After a few months, I forgot about the cigarette and always thought my baby gets lucky air and doesn't choke. I could later look her straight in the eyes and say, "I did it all for you." Greetings, Linda

  3. maris29 started this #23

    Everyone should decide for themselves, but openly calling someone a bad mother is too far for me. It's true that smoking can cause damage. But when I say it can, I mean it really can.

    Cancer runs in my family, especially lung cancer. Recently, I got a call from my cousin. She has lung cancer. She has never smoked a day in her life; she even dislikes cigars. Now I hear you all thinking, "Well, her mother must have smoked." No, her parents have never even touched a cigarette. Genetic testing showed that this form of cancer is hereditary. She has now had 3 children of her own. Is she now also a bad mother for exposing her children to this disease by not smoking?

    Or am I, along with other mothers living here, also a bad mother because I can't bring myself to leave Geleen, since the DSM (Dutch Social Security Bank) there also carries health risks.

    And are pregnant women in the Randstad area bad mothers because they expose their babies daily to our wonderful cars? Exhaust fumes are also bad and can cause cancer later in life. And so on.

    Apparently, we are lucky to live on a globe where others have it so much better, allowing someone to be humiliated in public. I'm so glad that we no longer have to or can respect anyone. I'm happy to share this with this oh-so-nice world. This is meant very naively.

  4. linda Guest #24

    Look at those exhaust fumes and all that. You wouldn’t choose to shove a cigarette in your mouth either; that’s a conscious choice.

  5. linda Guest #25

    and when you have a choice to make, you do it yourself, and if someone gets cancer due to hereditary reasons, okay, but you can live with the fact that you'll never be sure if it was caused by your cigarettes or just happened on its own. Well, I don't think so. And apart from that disease, it's also true that a baby in the womb is constantly suffocating, and apart from that disease, you're damaging a lot more of that baby's kidneys, liver, or brain because they get less oxygen due to the cigarettes.

  6. linda Guest #26

    The blood vessels of your baby and every puff of a cigarette gives the little brain less oxygen, and that's actually so important. You're causing a lot of damage to the body without even realizing it. Seems like no relaxing to me. Everyone has their own opinion, and you know that exhaust fumes and factories are not something you choose to buy cigarettes and smoke instead. That's a conscious choice. You can't shut down factories. I find this a very childish example. A bit disappointing for an adult to bring this up. Greetings, Linda.

  7. cleare Guest #27

    Hi Linda, I happened to smoke during my pregnancy with my twins, and now I feel so guilty because both of them have some health issues. I don’t know if it’s just coincidence or if my smoking caused it, but I’m really worried that my cigarettes might have had an impact. And now, what makes me feel even more guilty is...

  8. cleare Guest #28

    because after my twins I had three more pregnancies and healthy children, and I didn't smoke during any of them because I felt so guilty about it after the twins. I think there is a link between smoking and a sick child, but luckily I didn't smoke for my other three. I asked for help from my GP. Greetings, Cleare

  9. maris29 started this #29

    Well then, go ahead, amuse yourselves calling someone immature or a bad mother. I find it deeply sad that I had to communicate with such adults. I won't engage with this anymore. I'll keep my dignity. I wish SandraHGV a pleasant pregnancy.

    I'm leaving it at that and will avoid this part from now on. I stand by what I've said.

    RESPECT FOR EVERYONE AROUND US, WHETHER THEY'RE NICE OR NOT. RESPECT ALWAYS STARTS WITH YOURSELF. AFTER ALL, THAT'S WHAT WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN, RIGHT?

  10. trotsemama #30

    I totally agree with you, Maris!!!!!!

  11. Dreamer #31

    Wow, what a discussion here.
    I think it's mostly about the way things are phrased here.
    Anyway, it's clear here that the non-smoker stands straight in comparison to the smoker.
    I think it's very important to respect everyone, but also to be able to tell the truth honestly. And some truths you can't make prettier or sugarcoat.
    Sandra asked for reactions here herself and thanked everyone (positive/negative reactions).
    If it makes you, as a reader, angry that a smoking mother is called irresponsible or a bad mother, then that says something about yourself, I think. Apparently, you feel addressed, and I wonder why? Do you also feel that you're not doing well?

    I think that if you consciously smoke/drink/use during pregnancy, you're being irresponsible. You should put your child and your child's health above yourself and your own addictions.
    Otherwise, don't even start!

    And yes, irresponsible behavior can also be described as immature or being a bad mother. Personally, I find the term "bad mother" quite harsh, but if you don't provide your child with the proper care they need, you're also not a good mother. Every child deserves a healthy environment! Your baby can't say stop smoking/drinking/using, and the consequences of your addiction or weakness can come back to haunt your child throughout their whole life.

    So I also think you should respect everyone, but the truth is the truth, even if it doesn't sound nice to some and they feel addressed by it!

  12. sabrina Guest #32

    Hi ladies,

    I'm 4.5 weeks pregnant, but besides being tired and very emotional, and having sore breasts, I don't have any other symptoms. I really wish I felt nauseous—it's probably weird, right? Then I'd really feel like I'm pregnant.

    When did your symptoms start?

  13. trotsemama #33

    Dreamer,

    I absolutely disagree that I'm a bad mother or irresponsible. Everyone is aware of what they're doing during pregnancy. Everyone wants the best for their baby. Once the baby is born, it's exactly the same story.
    As a parent, you'd go through fire for your child and give up your own life as long as it's good for your child.
    It's a love that's indescribable towards your baby.
    Everyone makes choices. And one thing is certain: a mother who smoked during her pregnancy doesn't mean she's a bad mother. It's possible she does more for her child than a mother who followed all the rules during pregnancy.

    Hope this finally stops the discussion about smoking!

  14. trotsemama #34

    Hi Sandra,

    It's not weird at all that you want that. You're looking for reassurance. From what you've written, you already have some symptoms. And that indeed starts around this time. It's possible you won't feel nauseous at all.
    When is your first ultrasound? Then the real realization will hit you, and you'll really start feeling pregnant.

  15. SandraHGV #35

    On January 10th we're doing a pre-scan (before the announcements) and on January 21st the ultrasound and chat at the practice.

    Response to all the other messages...

    I didn't expect to get such reactions. I know it's not good to smoke during pregnancy (that was already clear in the first few replies). But maybe it would be a better idea to help me with advice, tips, and/or another solution instead of calling me a bad future mom or being stubborn/arrogant.

    ?

    I understand some of the reactions, but some opinions could also be expressed differently.

    I'm asking for help with questions here, not to be put down.

  16. Anonymous Guest #36

    trotsemama

    I can go to the OB-GYN on Jan 7, so still a little while to wait
    I took another test today just to double-check

  17. krista Guest #37

    I’d also like to chime in. I’m a doctor and I’ve seen up close how much a baby suffers in the womb from secondhand smoke. Do you have any idea what that looks like? Personally, I think you smokers deliberately switch off that part of your brain so you don’t have to think too much about the consequences of smoking and what it means for your baby. You push that feeling away so you can keep smoking—because if you really thought about it, you’d never be able to keep smoking. Sorry, but I think a mother who smokes while pregnant isn’t worthy of motherhood. I don’t find it harsh or mean-spirited for me to say this honestly. I actually feel so sorry for your baby, who truly has no choice. I completely agree with Dreamer and Linda—you’re not the pitiful ones here, it’s your baby. I could show you pictures of what it looks like: a baby in the womb of a smoking mother. I bet it would turn your hearts upside down.

  18. sabrina Guest #38

    trotsemama

    I can go to the OB-GYN on Jan 7,
    so still a little while to wait
    I took another test today
    just to confirm again
    undefined

  19. sonja Guest #39

    I can't believe my eyes. Do you think it's bad to be called a bad mother if you smoke? The baby chokes and has less and less space in your womb, and it shrinks up. The baby protests, shrinks up to escape the smoke, which doesn't work because it's in your womb. At some point, it can't go anywhere, so it chokes little by little. Imagine a room, a small room with little space, and 60 or more people smoking there. You'd choke too. What would you do? You'd squeak out of that little room and gradually get some air. But the baby can't get away and just keeps choking. I'm not a doctor, but I've seen images on YouTube, and I used to be a smoker. I smoked one pack a day, but when I saw those images, I could do nothing but quit.

  20. sonja Guest #40

    and how happy I was when my baby was born that I hadn't exposed her to carcinogenic substances. So happy! I still look at her now; she's 2 now, and I look at her sweet little face and think, God, thank you that I had quit smoking and that she stayed in a clean womb and didn't drink dirty amniotic fluid with nasty nicotine and other toxic substances from cigarettes. By the way, I think it's a great example of someone here who wrote: "You do want your baby to stay in a clean womb, right? It's not a warm welcome to pollute your womb like that, where your baby stays! Would you want to stay in a dirty room and drink dirty water with toxic substances in it? No, right? Your baby definitely doesn't either. And shame on you if you mind being called a bad mother. I really have nothing good to say about it. Greetings, Sonja"

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