Forum The birth

Who was with you at the birth?

31 replies · page 1 of 2

kimjoy
My mother-in-law (really a sweetheart) asked if she could be present at the birth. My husband isn't sure, thinks I could use the support, but I'm leaning towards no. We made the baby together, so we should finish it together too, if you know what I mean! But I'm still doubting?! What do you guys think and what would you do?

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Sanne Guest #2

    I’d want so few people around, just my husband... There are already plenty of people around your bed in the hospital.

  2. sietske #3

    Not in my life... I wouldn't even want to think about it. I can totally imagine you not being keen on it either.

  3. kimjoy started this #4

    thanks girls!

  4. * #5

    @ Kim,
    During my delivery, my partner and just the obstetrician and 1 nurse were there, no one else... I made it very clear in my birth plan. I had also discussed it with the obstetrician and she gave her approval. I definitely did NOT want my mother-in-law there or any other family members... No thanks...
    You have to decide for yourself, of course, Kim..

    @ Sanne,

    Maybe an idea to write a birth plan? No worries, but you mention that there will already be plenty of people around you in the hospital. You decide that, and no one else.

    @ Sietske,

    Totally agree with Sietske, Kim.

    Love, Ju

  5. kimjoy started this #6

    pff it's still tricky

  6. Tineke #7

    I just want my husband there and the minimum staff.
    I think I'll discuss this again with my hospital.

  7. Lynn #8

    Hi girl,
    My sister was there during my birth! I really wanted it that way and got a lot of support from it! I'm convinced you should have someone there who makes you feel good in that moment... and if it's not your mother-in-law, I wouldn't do it!
    Love, Lynn

  8. * #9

    @Tineke,
    Maybe you could write a birth plan!

    Gr Ju

  9. kimjoy started this #10

    I feel really good about my mother-in-law, but I'm still leaning towards us doing it just the two of us.

  10. Lynn #11

    Tough choice, then only you can make! Good luck!

  11. Lexie #12

    Personally, I can't even think about having anyone other than my husband there (and of course the midwife/gynecologist/nurse). I don't even want my own mom there! Especially not my mother-in-law... no matter how sweet she is.

  12. kimjoy started this #13

    I thought about it again yesterday and want to ask my mother-in-law if she'd like to come to the hospital with me. And then, if I'm allowed to push, we could do it together, or is that weird?
    Love, Kim

  13. louise #14

    From my own experience, I know I don't want anyone else around. I really shut down during labor, and any distraction is too much.

    I think it's really sweet of you to think about your husband and your mother-in-law like this, and you can certainly give it a try. Who knows, it might work out for you too.

    I'd tell your mother-in-law that you're not sure if you'd enjoy it and that there's a chance she'd be asked to leave.

    If you only want to push with your husband, I think that's totally reasonable. I guess your mother-in-law can at least hold your hands!

  14. kimjoy started this #15

    Thanks for your reply, that makes me feel good!
    I've already expressed my doubts to her! And she understands that, fortunately!
    My mother-in-law is really a sweetheart; she even mentioned at work that she wants a week off after I give birth (she lives 2 hours away from us) so she can be there optimally for me, my husband, and the little one. She'll also be staying with us. We have a fairly big house, and she'll have her own spot in our guest room!

    And I'm going to suggest this to her tonight, and I think she'll be really happy!

    But more opinions are always welcome.

  15. * #16

    @Kim,
    Are you also thinking about what you want instead of what everyone else wants. Keep in mind that it's your first baby and that's something you really should share together.. Of course you have to decide for yourself but if she's there right after birth then it's good too.
    Or am I seeing this wrong...

    Love Ju

  16. kimjoy started this #17

    hmmm food for thought, I find it really difficult! Especially because she has to come from far away!

  17. * #18

    @Kim,
    Yeah, and then she has to come from far away. Isn't that her first grandchild? She should be willing to put in some effort, right? She'll be a treasure, Kim, but really think about just the two of you. Maybe even write down in your birth plan how you want things to go. Take my word for it—you really don't want your mother-in-law there...

    Because this already happened to me during the second birth, so I really know what I'm talking about... She was also a sweetheart, but while I was pushing, she was in my you-know-what looking around, and it made me feel completely weird. So think twice before you start...

    Love, Ju

  18. kimjoy started this #19

    to be continued! I'll think about it again! Maybe she can come to our house then! I can just give her a key to my house and have her wait there!

  19. * #20

    @Kim,
    Good idea... Can she wait for you both at home :-)

    Love, Ju

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