Forum 2nd trimester

Pregnant, alone, and now??

53 replies · page 1 of 3

LieveGuest ·
Hi everyone,

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant. My partner and I had been having issues for a while, so we decided to call it quits and end our relationship. But now I'm basically left out in the cold—I'm staying with my parents for now, but hopefully just for a short while. Because I'm still so emotional about the whole situation, I just don't know what I need to sort out right now? Does anyone have experience or tips for dealing with a situation like this? I really want what's best for my baby, but I'm not sure where to start. I hope you can help me out.

Replies

Page 1 of 3

  1. anne Guest #2

    Hey dear,
    I’ve been through this too. I was about 20 weeks pregnant when I ended up on my own. I also moved back in with my parents at that time. Trust me, time will show that everything will be okay.
    You can get through this on your own (with the help of your parents). Your child will grow up, and if things didn’t work out with your partner now, they probably never will. Not for your baby either, and if the parents are fighting, that’s not good for your child either...

  2. linda #3

    Hi,
    Here’s a similar situation. I’m 21 weeks pregnant and when I came home last Friday, he’d already moved his stuff out and told me he was going to live with his parents. Just out of nowhere... Luckily, this is my house so I don’t have to worry about having nowhere to stay. He said all sorts of mean things, that he no longer loved me and had no feelings left. And if I needed anything from him, I should just call him. I couldn’t understand it and was completely upset, especially since it came out of nowhere. But.. the next day he suddenly wanted to come back. He said he was confused and didn’t mean it. We talked but I’m really doubting now, because this isn’t responsible behavior, especially not when a baby is coming. What if the baby is here and things don’t go exactly as he wants? Do I have to accept that he’ll pack his bags again one day? He also said it was all too stressful and that’s why he left because he couldn’t handle it. I’m scared about the future with him if I take him back. And emotionally, I’m all over the place because of the hormones and this situation, and then he just calls me mentally unstable. So yeah, I don’t know what to do right now. But through all the tears, I feel strong because I need to be strong for my baby.
    Greetings, Linda

  3. Lexy #4

    Oh my, that’s so intense!
    A friend of mine went through this during her first pregnancy.
    I’d go to your GP/social worker for an emergency declaration for a house through the housing association...
    Also, the VK might be able to help you during your pregnancy to put things in writing.
    Did your ex already acknowledge your baby, or is that no longer necessary? Maybe your GP/social worker or VK can give you some info about his rights/obligations when the baby is/is not acknowledged...

    Get help in time! Wishing you lots of strength in the coming days!
    Love

  4. Anoniem Guest #5

    Hi Lieve,

    Reading this, my first thought is: try to find some peace and quiet for yourself and your baby at your parents' place. Talk to your midwife and GP and see what options are available. Your (ex) boyfriend should just have to sit with his own decisions and really realize what he's doing right now. It could be (and no, I'm not defending him) that he's scared of all the changes. But you need to focus on yourself and your baby.

    Linda,

    Think about yourself. He's already packed his things. You can give him a chance, but I wouldn't do it under the same roof at first. Tell him you need to find your peace first, and that he's welcome to drop by anytime, but he needs to really understand that if he takes the step to come back, he needs to be truly there for it.

    Girls, I wish you both so much success!!

  5. Dani #6

    I completely agree with what’s written above.
    You can give them the benefit of the doubt, but don’t let them play with you. Let them know what they’ve done, especially for you, Linda.

    Girls, I wish you all lots of strength and wisdom.
    Enjoy your pregnancy and your little ones soon!!

  6. muppetje #7

    hey ladies

    i went through this almost 6 years ago too. and now i'm pregnant with the second one on my own again. only this time i consciously chose to. and 6 years ago i didn't. those men don't give a damn without thinking. after all, they're not the ones dealing with the consequences!
    the advice to go to the GP and then to social services is a really good tip, i did that back then too. and they helped me excellently. they know where you should go and how to get everything sorted. so that you can find your peace again!
    lots of success and we women are stronger than we think, okay! girl power ;-)

    greetings muppetje

  7. * #8

    @Alex,
    What a tough situation. What's going on that she's sending you away? It seems like she can't exclude you. Is there still a chance things will work out?
    Strength during this period, seems not easy..

    Gr, Ju

  8. Dani #9

    Oh Alex, that's really tough...

    You've already tried a lot to make things better?

    I wish you lots of strength, but unfortunately, I can't give you any advice.

    Greetings, Dani

  9. Olivia-Anna #10

    I'd say it sounds like hormones!!
    But yeah, that doesn't make it any easier for you, of course.

    What I'd do is: !!Nothing more!!!
    No matter how hard it is, have you tried that already?
    I think she doesn't have a need to be chased right now; give her the chance to come to her senses.
    There's plenty of time for that until September 12th.. give her some peace and quiet.
    Give her the chance to reach out to you in the end!!
    No matter how unfair it might seem to you at the moment.
    Well, that's what I'd do!!!
    Strength!! Glad you can stay with your parents, even if it's a meager comfort..
    Love, Olivia..

  10. aap22 Guest #11

    Same here..
    Finally we were pregnant and then the guy suddenly flew off the handle. Two weeks ago he packed his things and a week ago he wanted to come back. But it's not the first time I was 'put aside' for a bit and he later regretted it (3rd time).. What should I do? Choose myself and my baby? Or give him another chance after all? It's so hard! I can't turn to my parents right now because the room is occupied by a brother. It's choosing between heart and head and that's so incredibly difficult! :-(

  11. * #12

    @Aap22,

    I hope you find a solution..
    Is this the third time you're pregnant??
    Or the third time he leaves you and wants to come back..

    Don't make hasty decisions, but look at what's possible
    in terms of possible care for young pregnant mothers and whether agencies can help you further.....

    I hope you figure it out, you can always share your story here..

    Greetings Ju and maybe MavanMi

  12. Anonymous Guest #13

    I really need to share my story too. I'm now 33 weeks pregnant with our third child. I already have a daughter who is 4 and a son who is 1. Three weeks ago, I discovered that my now ex-boyfriend has been in a relationship with someone I thought was just a friend, even before I got pregnant. He wants to move in with her as soon as possible. So we have to sell our new house. I really don't understand any of this anymore. How can they be so awful? She's a midwife by profession, of all people. The worst part is that he didn't want the baby and even took me to an abortion clinic. He just didn't see the connection of going from two kids to three. Now the truth is coming out, and I should have let him take our child away from me.

  13. D.C.B & G Love♥♥♥♥ #14

    Pfff... that all sounds absolutely terrible, I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my second right now... I can't even think about it!!

  14. Anonymous Guest #15

    It's a real hell I've ended up in. I still can't wrap my head around it. I just hope my little boy won't be left with anything from the stress and the kilos I've already lost. He's not making it easier for me now either. He sends lots of texts, looks for me, follows me around just to see the two girls.

  15. * #16

    @Anoniem,

    Can you maybe get out of my house???
    I hope you find peace soon to prepare for the birth..

    Wishing you lots of strength during this difficult time..

    Love Ju or well MavanMi

  16. Wat nu Guest #17

    I'm facing such a big dilemma.. I'm just 4 weeks pregnant.. not with my husband or my boyfriend but with a regular friend.
    This is the 2nd time I'm pregnant, I had an abortion done with my 1st because everything wasn't going well. I went on the pill and now I got pregnant despite taking the pill.
    I told that so-called friend but he doesn't want anything to do with it and tells me to have another abortion. I won't be able to handle that mentally but I'm so scared of having to raise this baby alone.
    I could use some support from you ladies, love n

  17. Karen Guest #18

    Hey,

    I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant.
    I'm still messing around with my partner (the dad) but fear this is hopeless. He's totally uninterested in my pregnancy and our baby. The relationship is going really badly.
    I haven't figured out yet what's best, whether to break up or not.
    Despite the bad relationship, I still like him and he likes me too.
    Anyway, I understand what it's like to feel alone and what it's like to have to handle everything on my own, look for things on my own, etc.

    Are there any others here going through the same? I could really use a good chat.
    Greetings, Karen

  18. Goldiegirlke Guest #19

    I'm 4 and a half months pregnant now, and my boyfriend cheated on me during my pregnancy. He was using drugs, and I had no idea. I'm absolutely furious that he could do this to me, especially since the baby was wanted. Now he even wants to beat me up because his parents want him to get rid of the baby. As a result, I haven't been able to go outside for 2 months now????

  19. Linda #20

    There are so many women (and men) who are treated poorly..

    Every situation is of course different, and when you're in the middle of it, you usually know what you should do.. even if your heart says otherwise.

    I've been through a worthless relationship, and when I read your stories, it always reminds me of that.

    Even though I knew deep down that things were completely wrong, you still try to make the best of it and defend him to friends and family.

    I know it's easier said than done, but choose yourself. Especially now that you're pregnant. A baby needs a stable environment, with or without a dad. It feels hopeless right now, like the world is crumbling, but everything will turn out okay. If there are people in your circle who have your back, please listen to them and lean on them.

    They're often a bit more detached and usually know how to give you good advice.

    To the dads: fight for your child, not for your wife. Now is her time to fight for you.

    I wish you all

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