Processing the birth?

What a birth! I just want to leave one comment: you are such a strong woman! Enjoy your family and your life—you really deserve it!! You’ve been through a lot, but from what I read, you’re a natural-born mother! It’ll probably take a while to process everything, but with your attitude, you’ll be fine.

I had that too, I had to process the birth. It's such a big event, both physically and mentally, because it's no joke. I especially felt that with my first one.

But besides that, I also had postpartum tears for a while.

I had an easy birth, but I still really had to process it.

So I totally understand you.

Greetings, Madelene

Hey Peachy,

Congratulations on your son! I really relate to your story, but believe me, take your rest.
I also lost 2.5 liters of blood due to a hemorrhage. The blood was flowing through the hospital corridor and elevator, and I even received two bags of blood.
But right now, you're still in a haze from the hormone after giving birth, which makes you feel like you can handle everything.
I didn't take enough rest either, and as a result, I'm still dealing with the effects after 10 months—I haven't fully recovered yet.
So really follow the advice!!
Greetings, A-M

Oh yes, and it's a traumatic experience for you and your husband. He almost lost you and your little boy, and you did too.
We went through that as well, so don't underestimate it. We're 10 months further, but it's still tough.
With a positive attitude, you'll get far, of course.
Take it easy!

Wow, intense story... but you're such a strong woman to have gotten through it!
I recognize some elements. I also had a hellish birth and afterwards I didn't feel like myself...
Eventually, I realized I had suffered a birth trauma - I'd never heard of it before, and even my gynecologist and midwives didn't seem to know much about it (or wanted to). There's some research going on now, and a book by Diana Koster was published last week. But I basically "diagnosed" myself back then via http://stichtingbevallingstrauma.nl/bevalling-trauma-vragenlijst-ptss/ ...so for those who are doubting.
But whether you meet the criteria or not: if you feel terrible, whatever it is... if you feel like something isn't right... talk to peers or a therapist. Don't keep it to yourself; I did that at first too: just trying to push through... it only made things worse.
Sending lots of strength to everyone still dealing with their intense birth. But realize you're not alone!

Love,
Elaine

Stories like yours are unfortunately more common than we’d like: women often really need support to process what happened during childbirth. Everything turned out fine and the baby is healthy, “so why worry, just be happy.” But at the same time, you can’t just let it go.

We have a memory in our heads, and we can use it. At the same time, we don’t know everything about our brains or even about memory itself. Your body also has a kind of memory. You remember certain feelings, intense experiences (think, for example, of phantom pain). Even if you want to process them mentally, you don’t have full control over that. That’s a bit scary, but it’s also normal. You’re far from alone. The only thing that will help in the long run is rest, time, and (in my case) talking. Knowing that many others feel the same way also did me good.

My own birth was a disaster, but in a completely different way: basically, nothing happened. After seventeen hours, I still had barely any dilation, no contractions… nada. Only my waters had broken. So I ended up having a C-section. The feeling of failure, of not being able to do it, of powerlessness—it’s truly overwhelming. I experienced this very intensely, and apparently, many women do. I couldn’t say I had given birth because it didn’t feel like it. It took me three days to realize the baby was actually here, because suddenly a baby was placed in my arms and I felt I had done nothing to bring it about. I didn’t feel like a mom. Ironically, it was the pain that helped me process. I had to rehabilitate for a long time, and in that way, I eventually felt like I had “done my part.” Pain can, strangely enough, also be healing. But in those first days, I could only cry. I also couldn’t watch videos of births.

Stories like mine and yours are (although few realize it) examples of a grieving process. You go through it, stumbling and getting back up. Talk when you need to, rest, listen to your body, and don’t let others talk you out of your feelings. You’re not alone. Your feelings are real, and they’re allowed to be there. In time, you’ll move past this, and you’ll come out stronger because of the experience. The problem is, in 2016, we’re not so good anymore at taking time to understand these mixed emotions. The world moves fast, and we keep up. It’s ironic: we’ve never had so much time, yet we’ve never taken so little time for everything. It’s okay to occasionally step back and not keep up.

This story sounds so familiar to me. Our little boy was born a month ago. He was delivered with the help of a vacuum extractor. Everything had to happen very quickly because his heart rate dropped. At birth, it turned out he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. He wasn't breathing! Before I even realized what was happening, he was taken away from me... Later, on the pediatric ward, he was connected to all sorts of wires and had a cap for oxygen. Our boy was also transferred to a larger hospital in case he needed to be cooled down again. At one point, I completely collapsed... Later, it turned out I had already lost almost 4 liters of blood. My uterus wasn't contracting anymore (it had been at first)... Both our boy and I are healthy now... although mom is still not quite back to normal... but we can say we're lucky to still be here.

My birth went differently, but I do recognize that feeling of having your baby taken away from you. Whether a birth is 'traumatic' isn't about the pain, but about how it felt for you. With us, things didn't go well with the little one; he had to go to the neonatal unit right away. That was already clear during the pushing, but they didn't tell me. I did notice the stress and panic in the room, but I didn't understand what was going on. He was taken away from me immediately, and his father (naturally) went with him. But because of a shift change and some miscommunication, I ended up lying alone in my room for almost 2 hours, shaking and foggy from the birth, without knowing exactly what had happened or how my baby was doing. You feel so vulnerable then. I don't have any issues with the birth itself, but just lying alone in a room without my baby and without knowing if he was okay really got under my skin. This is my second child, and with the first, I could keep her close right after birth and was immediately in a lovely baby bubble. But with this birth, it was completely different, and that makes all the bad memories stick around much more, or something. I've talked about it a lot; I really needed to get it out. Some people have heard my story 10 times. And then I felt bad again because, in fact, everything was fine again the day after the birth. But my postpartum care worker assessed it well and talked to me about it. She also spoke to the midwife here about it, who advised me to report it to the hospital as well. I did that, explaining how awful I found it that they left me alone without any information. They took it very seriously and asked if I wanted to make an official complaint so they could really address it with the team. That gave me a good feeling. For me, this showed that from postpartum care, the midwife, and the hospital, it's acknowledged that it's important how you experience the birth, separate from 'the physical facts'. So even if you feel physically okay again fairly quickly and your baby is doing well, you've still gone through something intense, and you really deserve the time to give it a place. And maybe to reassure you: I screamed for weeks that I would NEVER give birth again because it was so hellish. And yet, I'm going to again soon Eventually, it gets its place, but give yourself time!