From Baby to Toddler
A dream start
Anonymous
A dream start after birth means staying skin-to-skin on the mother’s chest for at least one hour immediately after birth. This allows the baby to adjust gradually to the transition from darkness to light, from 32 degrees inside the womb to 18 degrees outside. It gives the baby time to get used to the new environment while hearing the mother’s heartbeat, which they’ve been familiar with for nine months. The baby also recognizes the mother’s voice, which they’ve heard throughout pregnancy. If the father was involved during pregnancy, the baby may also recognize his voice. This calm setting helps the baby naturally begin crawling toward the breast to feed and make their first eye contact with the mother.
Isn’t that beautiful? This automatic start of the baby happens all by itself once placed on the mother’s chest, given the right amount of rest and time. It’s programmed into the baby to meet their first life needs independently. This provides a sense of safety and love. The baby’s stress levels drop immediately after birth, which is also very stressful for them. So it’s crucial that the baby has time to recover and experience their first hour outside the womb with their most familiar people. This is the first positive experience outside the womb, creating a huge impact.
Of course, this doesn’t always happen smoothly. Sometimes the baby needs immediate breathing support or was born via cesarean section. Or they might need to stay in an incubator. These are often life-saving measures, so it’s good they exist! However, this can lead to a frightening and stressful start for the baby—being separated from parents and not knowing what’s happening. This leaves a strong impression on the baby, shaping how they react to new situations later in life. Are they shy, anxious, awkward, or overly active? They may not know what a calm, safe environment feels like because their first experiences were stressful.
Babies can only absorb experiences and show behaviors (crying, restlessness, sleeping, waking). Every experience leaves a deep impression because they couldn’t run away, crawl to their parents for comfort, or protect themselves. They had to endure it. That’s why these early experiences have such a big effect on their behavior. This is why the influence during the first 1000 days is so significant. Understanding this helps you support your child instead of pushing or correcting them.
Your child’s behavior is shaped by genetics and epigenetics. Epigenetics refers to the impact of events during the first 1000 days. You know your genes, which come from you and the father, but epigenetics is influenced by this early period.
Understanding this helps you deeply understand and support your child. Is your baby, toddler, or preschooler struggling with hyperactivity, tantrums, extreme shyness, poor sleep, picky eating, or other behaviors you don’t know how to handle? Consider booking a session with me where we’ll review their entire birth story together in an online session!
This is based on scientific research and the method "Je Geboorte In Kaart" (Your Birth in Perspective).
See www.coachinghetgoudenhart.nl for more information or to sign up for the newsletter.
And schedule a free, no-obligation consultation with me.
0657250929 or [email protected]
Warm regards,
Romelia Simon
Coach at Coaching Het gouden Hart, Clarifying Behavior.
Isn’t that beautiful? This automatic start of the baby happens all by itself once placed on the mother’s chest, given the right amount of rest and time. It’s programmed into the baby to meet their first life needs independently. This provides a sense of safety and love. The baby’s stress levels drop immediately after birth, which is also very stressful for them. So it’s crucial that the baby has time to recover and experience their first hour outside the womb with their most familiar people. This is the first positive experience outside the womb, creating a huge impact.
Of course, this doesn’t always happen smoothly. Sometimes the baby needs immediate breathing support or was born via cesarean section. Or they might need to stay in an incubator. These are often life-saving measures, so it’s good they exist! However, this can lead to a frightening and stressful start for the baby—being separated from parents and not knowing what’s happening. This leaves a strong impression on the baby, shaping how they react to new situations later in life. Are they shy, anxious, awkward, or overly active? They may not know what a calm, safe environment feels like because their first experiences were stressful.
Babies can only absorb experiences and show behaviors (crying, restlessness, sleeping, waking). Every experience leaves a deep impression because they couldn’t run away, crawl to their parents for comfort, or protect themselves. They had to endure it. That’s why these early experiences have such a big effect on their behavior. This is why the influence during the first 1000 days is so significant. Understanding this helps you support your child instead of pushing or correcting them.
Your child’s behavior is shaped by genetics and epigenetics. Epigenetics refers to the impact of events during the first 1000 days. You know your genes, which come from you and the father, but epigenetics is influenced by this early period.
Understanding this helps you deeply understand and support your child. Is your baby, toddler, or preschooler struggling with hyperactivity, tantrums, extreme shyness, poor sleep, picky eating, or other behaviors you don’t know how to handle? Consider booking a session with me where we’ll review their entire birth story together in an online session!
This is based on scientific research and the method "Je Geboorte In Kaart" (Your Birth in Perspective).
See www.coachinghetgoudenhart.nl for more information or to sign up for the newsletter.
And schedule a free, no-obligation consultation with me.
0657250929 or [email protected]
Warm regards,
Romelia Simon
Coach at Coaching Het gouden Hart, Clarifying Behavior.
Replies
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Susanna #2
Often, these are the people who watch from the sidelines—shy kids, anxious kids, or on the other hand, very clumsy and hyperactive in their interactions. They don't really know what a calm and safe environment feels like. They only know unsafe, new situations.
I feel I have to respond to this... I could only see my son after 2 hours due to general anesthesia for a C-section, but he is anything but what you describe above... -
Anonymous started this #3
Hi Ananasje,
It’s great that you replied! There are 37 patterns (C-section, general anesthesia for the mother, pain relief for the mother, prolonged labor, breech position, NICU stay after birth, resuscitation, ventilation, star-gazer, getting stuck during birth, being taken away from mom right after birth, etc.) where the effect/impact on behavior has been studied. I obviously can’t write about all of those here, that would be too much. So it’s very specific, and pregnancy also plays a role in the impact. That’s why it’s so important to look at a unique birth story in combination with this scientific material. But it’s a fair and good question!
What I do notice in your story is that there was indeed no contact between you and the baby in the beginning, but your baby probably came into the world okay, without ventilation, NICU, etc. That’s the example I’ve used here instead of a calm start. Is that correct?
There’s no right or wrong in everything, but it’s good that there are interventions, but they do have their effects, and that’s what I’m mainly trying to explain above.
Thanks for your reply!
Kind regards,
Romelia -
Susanna #4
My son didn't want to come down because he was way too big (missed during the ultrasounds...). My daughter was a star-gazer and stayed away even longer due to complications from the C-section, but she's also nothing like what you're describing. -
Anonymous started this #5
Hi Ananasje,
Wow, what intense births you two had! But do you experience behavior in your child that you find hard to understand or difficult to guide at the moment? With premature babies, it's important for parents to restore the bond between parents and child well. Perhaps you've already managed that yourselves! Which means the impact on your daughter is fortunately less significant now. Kudos to you both! The most important thing is: do you experience behavior that is hard to guide, or do you suspect a behavioral disorder or high sensitivity? If so, also look at the birth story with this knowledge before accepting a diagnosis; it can reveal so much and provide so many tools.
But pregnancy complications also play a role. It's a story from the desire for a child until after birth, the first 1000 days which have a big impact, and I investigate it all. I do this by sending parents a digital questionnaire, and I discuss the answers with the subject matter using a very nice, understandable card set where the subject matter is incorporated. Afterwards, you receive the birth story and the tools digitally and by post, so it becomes a beautiful reference work that you can use many times. As your child develops and grows, you can rely on this at every stage.
Warm regards, Romelia -
Susanna #6
It took 32 months after a miscarriage before I was pregnant again, and there was no known cause, but the pregnancy went smoothly. I was happily walking around until 42 weeks. -
Anonymous started this #7
Hi Ananasje,
Oh, a mega-wanted girl, and wow, that’s intense to hear it took so long to get pregnant again.
Super busy, yeah, I can totally understand that in light of a birth chart session. Indeed, you can only diagnose ADHD when they’re a bit older. With hyperactive behavior or other behaviors, your child is trying to tell you something. They just can’t communicate it yet. Through the “Birth in Chart” approach, we can make sense of it. I also work with requests like: “Why does my child have such extreme hyperactivity?” and then we examine her beginning and focus on your question. This is very important because I want you to really move forward after the session with me! So you know what she’s trying to tell you and can support her in her busy behavior.
Thanks again for your response!
Kind regards, Romelia -
Susanna #8
But what else could you mean? -
Anonymous started this #9
Hi Ananasje,
Unfortunately, the child health center isn't familiar with this subject yet. Too bad!
I assume Youth Care isn't either. I swear by it: you always have to investigate and find out the origin story, and then you'll discover what your child is trying to tell you through their behavior. I can help you with that. And help you with advice on what you can offer her.
I've worked in Youth Care and postnatal care myself, and this subject is still applied very little, but it's becoming more and more common, thankfully. Youth Care and the child health center often look at what's wrong and advise you on that; they don't look for the real origin. Behavior is always logical; there's a logical explanation for why she's so active, and I can help you find that explanation so you truly know what's going on and what she needs. Follow-up support is possible afterwards. But I really expect that you'll get very far with an online session "Mapping Your Birth". I aim for parents to be able to move forward after that, to avoid long drawn-out struggles. Parents want handles and solutions for their child, and that's what I offer with this method!
Kind regards, Romelia -
Susanna #10
I didn’t know that the birth could also be related to it. Maybe I’ll go ahead and accept your offer after all. -
Susanna #11
Yeah, that might be a bit easier and also more private since everyone can read everything here. I'll send you an email. -
pingu #12
Sorry about the typos. -
Anonymous started this #13
Hi Pingu,
Yeah, that’s indeed a shame. I have dyslexia and I don’t always have someone around me who can proofread my texts before I post them.
My dyslexia also stems from my start; I grew up with a very stressed-out mother. My mom couldn’t do anything about it; she was under a lot of stress when she was pregnant with me. But it did make it harder for me to absorb information at school because I was in my survival brain instead of the learning brain that takes in educational material. I’m also exploring this in sessions with parents. The earlier you notice this sign in your child, the sooner you can help them avoid or improve it!
Warm regards, Romelia -
Susanna #14
I recognize several of the traits you describe in my daughter.
P.S. I’m not sure yet if I’ll take you up on your offer, but could all of this be related to her being born as a star-gazer and having an emergency C-section at 42 weeks? -
Anonymous started this #15
Hi Ananasje,
That's fine, take your time! We're going to look into the period of pregnancy, birth, and the time after.
We're also going to explore which part of her brain your daughter is currently experiencing everything through. I suspect she's in alert mode, which often also leads to hyperactivity, and there are reasons for that from the start. The first 1000 days of our life have the biggest impact on our body but also on our behavior (the brain), so all the behavior you see now has its origins there.
Even genes are influenced during this period. So the answer to your question is yes. I'll walk you through this subject step by step in simple language so we can find out the exact cause of her busy behavior.
That will reassure you and help. You haven't done anything wrong as a mother. It went how it had to go. Always! But this information helps us understand her behavior and help her. Being this busy probably doesn't feel nice for her either. But she doesn't know any better, and there is a reason for her behavior. And she needs you to help her. Children ask for help with their behavior. And you, as an involved parent, can feel whether her behavior is normal or out of proportion.
Kind regards, Romelia -
Susanna #16
I had a lot of stress during her pregnancy because I was working for an employer where I wasn't happy. Maybe also important to know. -
Anonymous started this #17
Hi Ananasje,
I ask for all these details via a digital questionnaire for the online session, and you’ll also get a very detailed introductory explanation from me before the session. Stress can be a cause of hyperactivity, as can hungry babies. But there are more causes. Besides knowing the cause, the most important thing is how we can help her and meet her needs. Because when children act out, they’re always asking for help. They want to tell you something.
In my opinion, behavior is always logical! So there’s always a logical explanation behind it, and if you know that, you can provide your child with what they need. A general example: “Mom, I’m so restless because I’m keeping an eye on everything. Once I know where that comes from, after my coaching I’ll explain to her that she’s always watching everything, so she can learn to relax more and won’t have to keep watching everything anymore.” Calming down will really happen when we understand her behavior; then she literally feels understood. And what happens to you when you feel understood? You feel relief, i.e., relaxation. So it’s a very logical reaction; we’re just not used to looking at behavior this way in our society.
It’s too much to explain in detail here. That’s why every birth story is so unique, and I can offer appropriate explanations, advice, and help in one session. I’d be happy to offer a no-obligation introductory meeting online or by phone; that’s always possible.
Don’t feel guilty, dear Ananasje, as a mother that you did something wrong; you absolutely didn’t! Things unfolded as they did. As a pregnant woman, but also as a human being, you don’t have life in your hands. Stress and difficult situations often arise suddenly, and there’s nothing we can do about that. But this does give us information we can probably use to explain your daughter’s behavior. And that’s also very nice because then we can help her well now.
That’s what it’s ultimately about: addressing your concerns about your child now and resolving them! For that, we use the birth story.
Warm regards, Romelia -
Susanna #18
But then she went through the pre-toddler puberty and changed like day and night. And no, it wasn’t a phase because she’s now over 4 and it’s still like this. -
Anonymous started this #19
Oh, that's tough for Ananasje!
She clearly has trouble with feeding. Then there wasn't the right amount coming through the umbilical cord either. So she experienced imbalance, and that's what she's still showing. That can only be resolved if you explain to her why she has such trouble with feeding. That has to be known first by looking at her birth story and investigating it.
Kind regards, Romelia -
Susanna #20
I gained about 20 kg during my pregnancy. My daughter had a normal birth weight but was very small.
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