Biechthoekje
You think that non-moving sperm isn't a problem.
Buuvke
Ugh... after trying naturally for a year, we started the first tests last September. My tests came back fine; my uterus is tilted, but that barely reduces the chances. And wow, on the exact day my husband handed in his sperm sample for testing, I found out I was pregnant! My world was pink! Unfortunately, it ended in an early miscarriage, and I haven't gotten pregnant since.
The result of the sperm test back then was: everything was OK, just a bit slow with swimming. The doctor prescribed 3 months of extra vitamins etc., and said everything would be fine.
Naive me, I took that at face value. Now, 4 months later, another test, and what do you know? The swimmers aren't slow; they don't swim at all! My husband was advised to live a healthier lifestyle, and we have to go back to the gynecologist for alternative methods to get pregnant.
The problem is, I feel deceived. There's quite a difference between slow and not moving at all. On top of that, he hasn't lived any healthier in the past 1.5 years (I've done everything I could to stay as healthy as possible), even though the doctor had already said this after the first test. To top it all off, he equates his non-swimming sperm to my tilted uterus! I think he just doesn't want to accept that the problem lies largely with him.
I understand he can't do much about it, but a 'hey, let's get my lazy floaters to fertilize my egg' would be nice. Looking for solutions instead of ignoring or shifting the blame.
I don't know if I want to continue with someone who won't put in the effort and has absolutely no insight into where the difficulty comes from! I feel incredibly alone in this situation, and as long as he doesn't want to see that non-moving sperm is a problem, there's little to talk about.
I'm so afraid that in a (few) years' time I'll be childless and hold it against him. And I blame myself for not looking for someone who was motivated to have a baby with me.
The result of the sperm test back then was: everything was OK, just a bit slow with swimming. The doctor prescribed 3 months of extra vitamins etc., and said everything would be fine.
Naive me, I took that at face value. Now, 4 months later, another test, and what do you know? The swimmers aren't slow; they don't swim at all! My husband was advised to live a healthier lifestyle, and we have to go back to the gynecologist for alternative methods to get pregnant.
The problem is, I feel deceived. There's quite a difference between slow and not moving at all. On top of that, he hasn't lived any healthier in the past 1.5 years (I've done everything I could to stay as healthy as possible), even though the doctor had already said this after the first test. To top it all off, he equates his non-swimming sperm to my tilted uterus! I think he just doesn't want to accept that the problem lies largely with him.
I understand he can't do much about it, but a 'hey, let's get my lazy floaters to fertilize my egg' would be nice. Looking for solutions instead of ignoring or shifting the blame.
I don't know if I want to continue with someone who won't put in the effort and has absolutely no insight into where the difficulty comes from! I feel incredibly alone in this situation, and as long as he doesn't want to see that non-moving sperm is a problem, there's little to talk about.
I'm so afraid that in a (few) years' time I'll be childless and hold it against him. And I blame myself for not looking for someone who was motivated to have a baby with me.
Replies
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Emmy #2
Tough situation! I can kind of relate. I had all the tests done for 2.5 years with unpleasant medication, while no problems were found with my 8-month-old, and my husband didn't want to get tested. Then it turned out the problem was with him
I also doubted our future. In the end, it turned out he had a lot of anxiety and uncertainty behind it... I would suggest having a conversation, possibly with family or friends present. -
Anonymous Guest #3
Could it be that they still swim at first? After all, you were pregnant too!
A healthier lifestyle, what could possibly cause their swimmers to not work anymore? I think you'd really, really, really have to live an extremely unhealthy life for that to happen.
You two don't sound like a match. I'd put a period behind this relationship. This is never going to work out, it's sad to see a child become the victim of this. -
Anne #4
I’d have a good talk with him. I think it’s also about pride for men
if things down there don’t work exactly as they should. You should mainly discuss the desire for children—does he want it just as much as you do? If not, what chances does he see for the relationship since it’s very important to you? But give him a chance too; I think it’s really hard for a man. I don’t think I’d even get mine to the point of donating sperm, luckily it’s never been necessary. It’s important to be honest and make a future plan together. Maybe you can help him live healthier or process the news? -
Anne #5
In what way does he live unhealthily? I have the impression that you really have to live very unhealthily for it to do harm. Especially regarding phones there or warm laptops on them... my husband smokes, sometimes even weed (unfortunately), sometimes a beer, and when I'm out for the evening he eats pizza, for example. Not exactly the textbook example of healthy, but still just fast swimmers (very grateful). -
Buuvke started this #6
The Dr said it hadn't changed compared to the previous scan. I confronted my husband about it too, but all I got back was, 'Oh well, they just need a bit more time to reach the goal, so does it matter if they're standing still or moving slowly?'
He doesn't live super unhealthily either. It's not pizza and cola every day (despite him being an IT guy), but he does zero sports, drinks quite a bit and regularly, smokes cigars, and eats pasta and meat. I know it's not everything, but the fact is he doesn't make the effort to change his lifestyle.
@anoniempje138403 weren't you ready to burst your seams in those 2.5 years that he didn't get himself checked? My gynecologist was very clear: either both get checked or neither. So luckily he did get himself checked. -
Emmy #7
Of course, I was angry and frustrated for those 2.5 years, but in the end, he turned out to have cancer... so there wasn't time to be angry. -
stff48 #8
Why would you be mad at your partner? He can't do anything about it anyway... our bodies are weird sometimes, believe me...
We promised to stick together in good times and bad... The swimmers are also the problem here, but there are solutions, right? And yes, we have to keep going with the MmM now, but I'm sure everything will work out. My man eats healthy, works out a lot, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke... there were tears shed here too, but ultimately it's a choice you make together and about which you should be able to talk... -
plezierig #9
I think it's harder for men to accept if it turns out the issue is on their side. Somewhere deep down, they feel their masculinity is being challenged, and that's not easy to accept, of course. Your husband can't really do anything about it, but if doctors say a healthier lifestyle could increase your chances of getting pregnant, I'd definitely talk to him about it. And apparently, there is some movement in his sperm after all, since you did get pregnant at least once. Don't lose hope, I'd say
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