Becoming a housewife

Snoepjes 3 months ago #21

Spoiler alert btw! Social contacts aren't just found at work. Sports, the kids' circle, old friends, and family. Being a housewife doesn't mean knitting 24/7 on a bench like it's 1920. It's all about how you make it and how you structure your life.

Anonymous Guest 3 months ago #22

Snoepje indeed. You are so. But the topic starter isn't.

Tooby 3 months ago #23

Anonymous (Guest), you think it's young, but for me it wasn't young at all. You're not for me or vice versa. You don't know the topic starter inside out to make such statements.

I mean, you type 'idd' and your sentence structure is really not something I'd say 'yes sure, that person has really developed in a good way'.
In that regard, you're lagging behind, so if I were you, I'd keep those remarks to myself.

I'm doing fine in life, working 1-2 days a week really doesn't add anything for me, apart from some extra money I don't need. Maybe you'd lose your whole life if you didn't work, but not everyone is like that. A bit of 'open-mindedness' is really okay, it's also part of development (where you might be lagging behind).
But well, everyone has their own opinion. Being a housewife isn't for everyone, apparently not for you. If it were an easy job, everyone would do it, but it's worth it for me.

Hormoon vrij Guest 3 months ago #24

Good luck with the hormones, Tooby.
I have to agree with the anonymous poster. What a weird, intense reaction from you. What does sentence structure have to do with being a housewife vs. a working woman? The same could be said about you.
Good luck, ladies! What fiery people around here. You'd almost think they feel personally addressed

Falca 3 months ago #25

I think some people still believe that because in the past the division of roles was such that the woman stayed at home, this is a form of oppression nowadays.

Nowadays, the norm is that as a woman you have to want to do everything, be a career tiger, a jack-of-all-trades as a mother/head of household, not to mention the bedroom.

What is sometimes forgotten is that we are all individuals who make our own choices based on our own experiences.

People also often look askance when, for example, the man decides to stay at home instead of the woman.

Let everyone decide what works for them. Some people find happiness in paid work, others don't. As long as you're happy, your choice is never wrong, regardless of what someone else thinks.

But it can't hurt to have a backup plan in case your family situation suddenly changes due to disability, death, or divorce.

Good vibes only 3 months ago #26

I’m indeed a happy stay-at-home mom too, but my husband seems to really enjoy it as well. Once I’m no longer pregnant and have stopped breastfeeding, I’d love to go back to work and have him stay home full-time for a while. Isn’t it wonderful, if it’s possible? It brings so much peace and warmth!

Anna Guest 3 months ago #27

I'm a mom and work the two days a week mentioned anonymously above. We could actually afford for me to stay at home too. Personally, I find it nice to work two days. It keeps me feeling up to date, and I'm saving this salary for my child's savings account.

Exactly as mentioned earlier, it's nice to already be part of a company, even if it's just 16 hours a week. You never know what might happen, and having a CV is always in the pocket.

I have to say that I find the combination of working and being a mom quite pleasant. And no, our house isn't a mess, and no, the weekends don't consist of ironing or cleaning like was previously mentioned in a derogatory and dismissive way.

For my child, I also think it's a good example that I work.

Not working doesn't mean being submissive. But personally, I find it positive in many ways to work.

And there are thousands of opinions like this.

I also read about a 23-year-old who would stay at home.. topic starter? I also think that's too crazy for words. The one or two days that were then suggested by someone else don't seem so crazy to me at all. Especially with having a CV in mind and thinking about the future.

But of course, that's just an opinion. Something to think about for the topic starter!

Anonymous Guest 3 months ago #28

I said I don't want to work, I find it lazy... not being a housewife...

Anonymous Guest 3 months ago #29

Nice description, Anna.

I’d probably be a housewife if I didn’t have to work out of necessity. But even then, I’d still work if I could. Now I’d choose to work less but not stop altogether, if I have the option.
It’s precisely because I’ve noticed that just staying at home after pregnancy really shrunk my world. Even though I do sports and other social activities.

Tooby 3 months ago #30

Hormoon free (guest), she said that housewives at a young age fall behind in development.
Well, if you come with remarks like that, you can expect it to be returned.

I've been a housewife for 18 years now and I'm not at all behind in development. There are more options for social contacts, development (at any level), and having a good CV isn't everything either.
My mother also stopped working around that time, her mother did too, her mother too... Why would it suddenly be weird if I didn't do it, just because "it's normal nowadays that everyone works at least 1-2 days per week".

Some women want to work 60 hours a week, some 0 hours a week, and the rest is everything in between. It's a bit childish of some 'ladies' here to then say that young women who don't work fall behind in development.

Tooby 3 months ago #31

Oh, and thanks for the "good luck with the hormones" and "hormone-free (guest)" comments. I'm really happy with the changing hormones I'm experiencing.

Kinderachtig Guest 3 months ago #32

Oh my, I hope this isn't what your own child will learn in sha allah. Because that comment about sentence structure is completely off-base, of course. But well, we're unfortunately used to those weird comments here on your forum.

Falca 3 months ago #33

Tooby is also not weird, that's a choice you've made with your family because it fits you. You don't need to give anyone else more text and explanation about it. After all, you don't need to justify yourself to strangers. (And not to acquaintances either

)

Lot 3 months ago #34

Omg! I'm so happy I can go back to work... those 12 weeks of maternity leave were more than enough! I went completely crazy... Some women want to work 60 hours and others 0... those others want to marry under community of property and then, upon divorce, get half the house, half the savings account, and later on a share of the pension... just act normal... you can't contribute nothing and leave with half... What, you have a right to it? I work my hours AND run a household, so please stop acting like housework is a full-time job... otherwise no one could do housework while working...

You couldn't work and didn't want to work... one of these two is the choice of a housewife, not needing to falls under not wanting... because if you didn't have to (like me) you could still want to!

I really hate those women who are housewives and then pick their ex clean when things go wrong... because well... I didn't have to (didn't want to!) go to work so well... then he has to support me now because yes... after so many years at home I naturally can't get back into the workforce... blah blah

Be ashamed! If you consciously choose to be a housewife (no problem, really not!) Then also marry under prenuptial agreement and leave with what you brought in and divide what you've acquired together... then, and only then, are you fair and honest to your partner..

Anonymous Guest 3 months ago #35

Wow, that's quite a harsh reaction in my eyes, Lot.
There are also people who get paid to raise children (childcare providers / foster carers) and teach things (teachers), and people who clean spaces (cleaners) also get paid.
If you look at it in black and white terms, what a stay-at-home mom does at home is also work. It's just that because it's your own house and your own child(ren), you're expected to do it unpaid. It won't always be a full-time job, no, but that depends on the makeup of your family. More (small) children equal more mess. So don't say that a stay-at-home mom doesn't contribute anything. Not everything can be measured in money. And if you work, you also have days off to just relax and do nothing. Everyone has the right to that.
And there are also plenty of women who look for work after a divorce and don't set themselves up as dependent until the end. So generalizing isn't fair.
Let everyone decide for themselves without passing judgment. We don't know what's going on behind closed doors for everyone on this forum. Telling someone they should be ashamed? Why? Does it bother you that people you don't even know or meet in everyday life do something differently?

Lot 3 months ago #36

She’s asking for an opinion, for how we see it, for advice... well... you might find this harsh, but this is my response to her post.. Also, I can well imagine her parents' reaction; I would be deeply disappointed if my daughter became a housewife at 23..

Again, being a housewife is not a full-time job, not even with 2, 3, or 4 kids.. It only becomes a full-time job when someone has a family where work and housework can no longer be combined.. There are plenty of large families where the mother also works and keeps the household running (my girlfriend works 24 hours, has 4 kids, 3 of whom have different hobbies, so after work and school she has to drive them to their various clubs... if she manages that, combined with work AND keeping the household running, don't tell me that being a housewife is a full-time job..

If you don't want to work now, don't later pick your partner clean and marry under a community of goods regime.. Any decent man wouldn't do that either, because he knows that not everything lasts forever...

I work in a household where we earn almost the same, and yet we are married with prenuptial agreements.. I have mine, he has his (we both brought a decent trust fund along with our own savings), and everything that is/is bought jointly will be divided fairly if it ever comes to that.. Because you say 'until death do us part', but nowadays unexpected things can happen that are more unexpected than death, and you can never know that in advance.. Better to have it sorted out well than to cry later..

I absolutely don't lose sleep over people who do things differently; I can only laugh inwardly at the stupidity of some people, and then I move on with my life because, fortunately, we have things well sorted out in ours..

Anonymous Guest 3 months ago #37

Totally agree with Lot and Gwen.

Puck 3 months ago #38

I never really get why young women want to set themselves up as so dependent. I'd never feel completely equal if I didn't work and lived off my husband's salary. Plus, you're just taking a risk if you end up alone in 10 years. You can say your ex will take care of you then, but you don't get divorced for no reason. You shouldn't assume your ex will voluntarily and neatly share everything if it ever comes to that. After all, many divorces are accompanied by arguments. Besides: do you really want to become dependent on someone you might not even like at that moment? For your future, it's simply the smartest to have and keep work experience.

Besides, I'd feel like a huge impoverishment of my life if I didn't work. Yes, I can also just do my household chores, have a social life, exercise, and take care of our daughter. Plus, I have a job, and that's perfectly combinable if you want to.

So, in broad terms, I agree with Gwen and Lot. Plus, kudos to the people who post under their own accounts! It's childish to react fiercely under another name.

Good vibes only 3 months ago #39

What a load of bullshit, Lot. Seems bitter to be so embittered in life.

Emptying out? My husband and I plan to grow old together, of course we're married in community of property! We're building a life together, which consists of so much more than just money.

A little mutual respect seems appropriate.

We think it's important to take care of our children ourselves instead of putting them in daycare or with a babysitter/grandparents etc. Personally, I don't think daycare is a place for a baby and would recommend staying home at least the first year. If you 'can't even think about that', why on earth start having children? For fun on the side?

But hey, that's my personal opinion. If you get very happy from working, then by all means do that. It's not for me to judge. All our children will turn out fine, whether we work or not. Let's all follow our own hearts, then we'll be the happiest.

Try to think broader, life and a family consist of so much more than money, work and material things. Time for each other is also very valuable. Might make you a slightly nicer and less judgmental person!

Good vibes only 3 months ago #40

Also, it’s been the other way around for us sometimes. When we came back from our first world trip, we were flat broke, and I had a new job right away, but my husband (we weren’t married yet) didn’t. We lived off my income. Never made a big deal out of it; it wouldn’t even cross my mind! And now we have little kids and live off his income. Half of our savings account is still from my contributions when I was still working.

I can already see it: we should have put on paper what he contributed and what I contributed, and whether we both earn enough and contribute enough... Seems particularly exhausting to me! I’m very glad that we both don’t care about that at all and that it’s just natural that everything is ours together as a family!

Becoming a housewife

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