Ugh.. and then comes the blow?!?!

Hi hi,

I have kids from a previous relationship. Recently, I got to know a new guy and we had a really nice time until one day he decided he wanted to take things a bit easier. That’s fine in itself. We still had very regular contact and did lots of things together. It was a bit of push and pull, but then we got closer again, and due to being busy with both of us, there was some distance again. We had unprotected sex, but because of a medical condition, it was impossible for me to get pregnant. After a lot of fatigue, emotional ups and downs, and nausea, I took a test 3 weeks ago and it was very positive. I immediately called the father and told him, and he was completely taken aback. He also didn’t want kids anymore, had thought about getting help but hadn’t done it yet. The ultrasound photo a few days later made him doubt whether he wanted the baby or not. We’ve had quite a few evening conversations since then, and we only knew each other for a short time. For me, it was pretty clear—I enjoyed the pregnancy, but he kept hesitating. Last week I sent him a message saying I wanted to make concrete arrangements about the little one and sort things out. He came over for a talk and casually told me that for now, he decided he doesn’t want to play a role in the little one’s life. His reasons are that he has a kid he cares for, he works a lot, and he’s just not keen on it because of his ex, among other things. I naturally told him I can’t accept this, he always said he’d be there for us, and now he’s running away. I got angry, and he shut down. I left to let the tears out. I made it very clear to him that this isn’t okay, that he can’t deny the little one the chance to know a father. I asked if he expects me to keep it a secret... He said no, but from the way he acted, I got the impression he’d rather it not become known. I naturally told him I won’t keep it to myself. Here he shut down again, and not much came out. When leaving, he promised to think about it again, put everything in writing, and send it to me—you guessed it, this hasn’t happened. He had really thought through all the details, another home, finances, etc., etc., and for weeks he talked about the possibility of living together, and now this... I sent him another message with a very long story about how I see things... but unfortunately, no response so far.

I’m not looking for "I told you so" reactions... or reactions that completely tear everything apart... I’m more interested in positive responses with tips and guidance on how to handle this.