Mother-in-law

24 replies · page 1 of 2

AnonymousGuest · 2 months ago

Hi! I have a crazy question.

I have a really nasty mother-in-law who's very meddlesome. It doesn't bother me too much right now; I ignore it as much as I can and just do my own thing. But when our baby arrives in a few months, I'm sure she'll try to meddle in everything and take over. If that happens, I'll explode.

When I mentioned wanting a baby, she said I'm still a baby myself, and that I can't even clean properly. So I already know I'll get comments on how I'm going to raise our child. My husband does stand up for me and says something about it, but she just doesn't change. She wants to turn me into a younger version of herself, but that's not who I am, and I never will be.

Does anyone have experience with this or a solution for what I can do best before the baby arrives?

Best!

Replies

Page 1 of 2

Esther 2 months ago #2

Hi Anoniem,

When you have kids of your own, something really weird suddenly happens. That magical thing where grandparents still had a say in your life just disappears for yourself. Your (in-laws) might not notice it right away, but it happens very quickly.

The baby is yours, you decide how it happens and no one else. If you ask or say something about your baby as a parent, it's actually not a question but a statement that it's going to happen this way, whether they like it now or not.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. In-laws really have very little to say once the baby is born!
Anonymous Guest 2 months ago #3

Yeah, I'd say, put a stop to it now while you still can. My mother-in-law took my husband straight to her place after I gave birth, claiming she had no way to get home... Even though the hospital is literally a 15-minute walk from her house. Once they got there, she told my husband that she'd rather he stay over because he looked so exhausted from the birth. My husband called me to let me know he'd be staying and asked me to call back as if I were awake... When I made my first attempt to call, his mother brazenly answered the phone and told me she wasn't going to wake him up... Anyway, long story short, I didn't make an issue of it at first; I wasn't interested in meddling in our marriage. But when her meddling started involving my child, my maternal instincts kicked in... Unfortunately, the toll that instinct and protective feelings took on our marriage was so great that I didn't think clearly about how to react when someone crossed the line regarding my baby. It almost cost me everything. In the end, my husband chose our family, and we didn't see my mother-in-law for almost a year and a half...

All of this could have been prevented if I had set my boundaries earlier.
anoniem Guest 2 months ago #4

Hi everyone, speaking of mothers-in-law, it's all secondary. Just show her that she's not worth risking your marriage over. They always want to know better, even about the kids. I have two boys, and I'm getting another one in November. I really wished for a girl. When she found out I was having a boy, she was very rude and told me to stop having kids, that I wouldn't have a chance of having a girl. She forgot that it's her SON's sperm that's causing me to only have boys. She told me to stop because I was ruining her son's life with my kids...

As for mothers-in-law, you'll always be dealing with them. Just make the best of it with your husband, that's the best way... lots of luck...
miriam 2 months ago #5

I got unexpectedly pregnant by my partner, and we quickly bought a house. She got involved in all the renovations, and then when the little one was born, she told me exactly how I should do things (I had a C-section and ended up with low iron levels afterward, so my energy was extremely low—I even lost two bags of blood). Once we got home, I wasn’t allowed to do anything, so from the start, I was very dependent on my partner. My mother-in-law thought he did too much, saying a man shouldn’t change diapers or vacuum. My mom had to help me. Luckily, my partner does everything out of love for me and our child. Months later, there was still a lot of meddling from my mother-in-law... I got incredibly irritated and told my partner, who made it clear to his mom that we do things our way, not her old-fashioned way.
Now I’m pregnant again, and this time she’s leaving us alone during the pregnancy. I still share everything about the visits to the midwife and OB-GYN.
I’d definitely have a talk with my mother-in-law now, with my partner there to support me. Because if you don’t set your boundaries now, you’ll suffer for quite a while.
Dani 2 months ago #6

Oh gals, what a drama your mothers-in-law are...

Can I clap my hands with my (ex) mother-in-law who sees me as a daughter and is so happy for me that I'm now pregnant with another man.
She really wants to see me and wants to know everything about this pregnancy. My father-in-law too, by the way!

Definitely have the conversation with your husband and possibly together with your mother-in-law.
Be there in time before it takes over your relationship and it's too late!!

Greetings, Dani
Anonymous Guest 2 months ago #7

The tricky thing with my mother-in-law is that she only speaks French and Arabic, and my French isn’t good enough yet for me to have a conversation with her, so my husband has to do all the talking.. She also told my husband to just buy no baby stuff because she would do it, but I made it very clear that’s not happening! We’re now slowly making it clear to her that I decide what clothes I wear, how I clean, and how I cook.. Until a week and a half ago, I still laughed it off and ignored it all, until she ruined my wedding day by screaming that with my strapless wedding dress I might as well go naked and that she wasn’t getting enough attention.. On top of that, she was 45 minutes late, so our whole schedule went down the drain.. This weekend I have to go to her again because we’re getting officially married in Paris (where she lives), and you’d think, well, she lives far away, but when you visit, it’s for a whole weekend, and that’s about once a month, and she also comes to visit us (you never know how long she’ll stay, could be 2 days, could be 2 weeks).. She also wanted us to send a photo of the dress I’m wearing in Paris, to see if she agrees with it.. Well, I obviously didn’t do that, so my husband explained what it looks like, and of course she started screaming again because my arms are bare.. But I’m definitely not buying another dress, it’s about me being happy with my dress! I’ve decided not to go to Paris anymore after this weekend, maybe then she’ll finally get it that I don’t like how she’s acting. Luckily, I’m only 16 weeks pregnant, though of course I’d love to hold my baby already, but I still have quite a few weeks to make her understand!

Greetingsss
Anonymous Guest 2 months ago #8

Mothers-in-law who only have sons and are therefore not used to girls are the worst! Besides being a bad mother-in-law, she's also a bad grandma! When I visit with my husband and daughter, and my 4-year-old knows beforehand that she's not mama's grandma, I have to listen to all the complaining and whining the whole way there! She doesn't consider children at all; there's absolutely nothing to do there. Even going to the playground for a bit is a huge effort for her.
Honestly, I'm glad she turns out to be a bad grandma too. Now my husband sees with his own eyes that it's not me complaining for no reason. Men often don't want to see their own mother's flaws, but when it comes to their own flesh and blood, their paternal instincts kick in...
Dani 2 months ago #9

Hi last anonymous,

Your story is so relatable...
My sister-in-law is also married to a man from a family with 3 boys, and his mother... is a terrible person, really!!!!
She treats her sister-in-law and her kids so badly, they don't count for anything, it's disgusting just to be such a mother, yuck!!

By the way, I've experienced something similar where my grandma also favored others over us. Now she's got bad luck because she hasn't seen us in many years. You just have to be fair and not favor anyone or leave anyone out.
Gosh, people can make things so incredibly difficult......
Florencea 2 months ago #10

Hey Anoniem,
What the girls here are saying; if I were you, I’d definitely show now that she can’t just walk all over you! It’s not just her son, but also your man, and like you are, your man has approved of you. My mother-in-law is luckily a treasure, and I can set boundaries with her well, but my father-in-law is really a nasty man. Luckily, my boyfriend puts him in his place when he feels it’s necessary, and I can bite back quite hard..
Tineke 2 months ago #11

Oh, such a crybaby, really. There are indeed limits to that spoiling, I think.
It's your child and that mother-in-law should accept that!

Too bad your relationship with your partner is falling apart and he's taking his mother's side so much, pfff. I don't have experience with this, but I can believe that this is far from pleasant!

I can only wish you lots and lots of good courage and hopefully you'll get some tips from people who are going through something similar.

Love!
Aradia 2 months ago #12

Oh my, what a story. How awful, such a mother-in-law. I don't have any experience with that either, I'm currently pregnant with our first child, and my mother-in-law is a treasure of a woman.. (although she only has sons )
What might be the worst of all is that your (ex?)partner stands so firmly behind his mother.... terrible, that he doesn't support his partner and the mother of his child....
I wish you lots of strength and wisdom in this situation.
Anoniem Guest 2 months ago #13

Glad I'm not the only one! My MIL has come up with something new again. She asks everyone for money every month (even my husband; she once gave him a piggy bank and told him to put 50 euros in it every day and hand it over to her at the end of the month). We really need the money ourselves right now (moving, setting up the nursery, and all the baby stuff), so my husband said we don't have any money at the moment, so I can't give you anything. Then she wants to check all our bank statements to see how much we spend! Anyway, she claims she has no money, but now she's found a holiday home she wants to buy (even though she doesn't have the money for it either). She told my husband to sell his motorbike so he can give her 10,000 euros so she can buy that house. I almost exploded! He worked incredibly hard for that bike, and now she wants him to sell it because his mother, who has been too lazy to work her whole life, wants to buy a holiday home! Of course, he said no, but the fact that she even says something like that makes me so angry! Phew! That's a bit of a relief! Until the next time she's being annoying!

Cheers!!
* 2 months ago #14

@Bangerikje,
What a story, is there really no one who can help you?
Did you even take your medication?
I personally wouldn't enter into a co-parenting arrangement unless there was proper guidance.

What a strange woman, your mother-in-law.
It seems like she wants to control everything.
Maybe you should have stayed with your parents back then, but well, you love someone...

But in this way, it seems like they're making it really difficult for you.
Are there any organizations you could turn to? I imagine you're feeling really bad about yourself right now.
And don't forget your son, who has witnessed some harsh situations that you'd rather not expose your child to.

Warm regards, Ju and stay strong, hopefully, a good solution will come up.
stefanie.b. 2 months ago #15

Hi everyone, I'm shocked that so many people are going through this. I thought I was the only one back in the day ( I even lost two children because of my ex-mother-in-law. She beat me and injured me purely out of jealousy. She claimed I was taking away her child. Pfff, really frustrating. Luckily, I never see her again. My life came to a standstill for a while. Now, I definitely shouldn't complain about jealousy or happiness in this regard, but there's always something with a mother-in-law, I think. What you can do about it? Not much, I think. Only your husband can react until she opens her eyes and realizes it herself, but in most cases, that doesn't happen. So just focus on yourself and live your own life!!

Wishing you all the best,
Love, Stefanie
Ster 2 months ago #16

Hello ladies,
I was already happy with my mother-in-law, but now I’m sure I have an angel as a mother-in-law. We don’t always agree, but I can talk to her about everything.

I wish you all the strength and love you need in this battle.

Love, Nynke
Mommy-Of-Nyana 2 months ago #17

Wooow ladies, what stories I'm reading here...
Good grief, what a ***** of a mother-in-law!!
I'm so glad about mine.. she says or does nothing except SMOKE which I can't stand but honestly after reading this I really feel like clapping my hands together..
Well ladies, good luck to all of you and feel free to vent about your mother-in-laws if things aren't going well with them!!

@Bangerikje
It shouldn't be so simple for you now, girl, to be kicked out from one day to the next... and all because of such a **** mother-in-law!! I just can't wrap my head around it!
Now girl, lots of strength and I hope from the bottom of my heart that you get full custody of your son! Because he indeed deserves a stable upbringing! And not one where everything is just thrown into the lap or where he comes into contact with bad things like alcohol/drugs!
Keep us updated and feel free to write from time to time, okay! You can only benefit from letting things out!!

Lots of love, Daphne
Anonymous 2 months ago #18

@ Anoniem and Bangerikje.
What incredibly nasty stories... terrible to have to deal with people like that They're not mothers-in-law, but mothers-in-law from hell!

I myself have a very lovely mother-in-law who, despite having two boys of her own, is crazy about her daughters-in-law and grandchildren. My daughter has a different father, and from the very beginning she has been treated exactly the same as my two grandchildren from my pregnancy and sister-in-law. So the prejudice that women with only sons make bad mothers-in-law and grandmothers is absolutely not true in my case.

I think it's really awful what you both have to go through, and I wish you both lots of strength.

I'm curious how things are going for you now.

Love, Sandra
mandy Guest 2 months ago #19

Unfortunately, I also have a mother-in-law like that...
When I was just pregnant and we told her, she was already 100% sure it was a boy... Bad luck for her, but we have a beautiful daughter.. But it already cost her so much effort to accept that it was a girl, and it caused me a lot of pain that she wasn't happy about having a granddaughter.. There have been many more things like this (I could write a book about it) And now that our daughter is almost 1, all I hear is how SHE used to do it differently in the past.. She completely ignores what we as parents want for our child (because she did it that way back then) And when we confront her, she acts like we're hypocrites..
My mother-in-law makes it clear that her will is her law, imposing it on our child..
And unfortunately for her, but we've had enough and she won't see her grandchild for a while..
doorzetterke Guest 2 months ago #20

Hey scaredy-cat, I'm in exactly the same situation as you right now. There's alcohol and drugs involved, and that mother-in-law is really a nasty woman.

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