After 8 months, still not pregnant

Oli,

I really relate to your story. It took me 7 months (9 cycles) to get pregnant myself. At the last cycle, I was thinking about going to the GP to check if something was wrong.

And after 9 cycles, it finally happened. Now I think, wow, 7 months? What was I talking about? But back then it felt like an eternity, and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting pregnant. It turned out I had a very late ovulation, and I only caught it during the last two cycles thanks to ovulation tests, so keep hoping!! Those things are super handy. Get them at Action; they're super cheap there too, so you can use plenty every month!

The funny thing is, even now that I'm pregnant, the nerves, pressure, and restlessness are still there. I still don't dare to look at pregnancy tests because I'm afraid I might miscarry anyway. And you know how long it takes!! You thought the waiting was killing, but you should see those first few weeks!! It drags on so slowly, seriously! Ohhhh, it feels like an eternity has passed already, and I'm only 10 weeks in. I still have 30 more to go!!!! (hopefully)

Little tip to make your social life a bit more fun: Just drink!! Keep drinking your alcohol!! In the first period, the babies have nothing to do with your blood etc. The embryo is still "landing" and its "tentacles" are looking for your blood vessels in your uterus. But that takes about 2 weeks. I'm not saying you should go crazy drinking, but you can just have your little drink!! And you'll be free from your friends' nagging too;-)

I hope you get pregnant soon. Keep your chin up, keep writing here on the forum (and write it all out), and it will happen! Everyone will soon be blessed with a little human, maybe with a little help here and there.

Good luck with trying to conceive.

Greetings,
Louise

Been at it for 8 months/7 cycles here too. And I totally recognize that feeling. I find the tension every month absolutely terrible, even though I've tried to get less involved and live healthier. Tried with ovulation tests and without. Unfortunately had an irregular cycle too, but luckily it seems to be stabilizing. Almost everyone in the area seems to be pregnant in no time. And my ovaries have been rattling for years, which doesn't help either. My partner has a hard time with me being so focused on getting pregnant, so I try not to bother him with it. (But I do anyway)
And of course there are couples who have been trying for years, so then I think, what are 8 months anyway. (Not that that thought helps, they probably went through this phase too, I guess)

Thanks for the sweet replies.

My husband has had his swimmers checked out. I can call tomorrow for the results.

MavanMi; I hope I never have to deal with a miscarriage, because I can imagine how terrible that is! How far along were you already?

louise: Yeah, those ovulation tests are a great invention, but still no result 3 times in a row. One time I think I had a failed implantation, because my breasts were very painful at 9d, and then when my period came, it was very intense (I'll spare you the details, but I'd never seen anything like that before!).
I understand your fear of a miscarriage. Still 1 week to go and the worst is over. I'm already crossing my fingers that everything goes super well.

As for that drinking: Alcohol can also affect a woman's fertility. Plus, you have a higher chance of miscarriage if you drink in the period around your ovulation. So I'll keep it to a minimum :-).

Lorrain: I indeed think that for most couples, the doubt starts to set in after 'so many' months. I'm also a perfectionist and a planner. And this is something I have no control over and can't plan. :-(

That's so sad :-(! I hope you'll have some good news soon!

Lots of love!

Hi ladies,
I completely understand how you feel. Still, from my perspective, I’d say... keep hoping, and try to stay calm. Just keep doing what you normally do, no matter how hard it is. But don’t let it consume too much of your thoughts. It really helps! I used to smoke my cigarettes on weekends and have my little drink too. I felt like going all out and quitting completely was too much for me... Now, of course, I’ve stopped.

The uncertainty is frustrating, and sometimes really tough... but there’s a good chance it’ll happen suddenly, especially when you least expect it.
It took us 14 months here, and then suddenly it happened, just like that. My husband had a check-up in month 10, and everything was fine.

You only ever hear from people who got pregnant in no time... You don’t hear from those who took half a year, or even a year and a half. Sounds cliché, but it’s true.

Wishing you lots of luck, and hoping it happens soon!

Hi! I’ve had an irregular cycle for as long as I’ve had my periods. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for 7 months now, but nothing yet. In April, it’ll have been about a year of trying, and then the gynecologist wants to help. I hope it happens naturally in the meantime (within 4 months).
I also hope it works out quickly for you.
Good luck!

Hi,

I totally get how you feel. We're on our 7th round for our first baby. The first three months we were relaxed, but after that I got impatient and started focusing on timing and stuff. Which I actually didn't want to do, because I always feel like it happens faster if you don't think about it and don't put pressure on it. But how do you let go of that? How do you do it?

I've installed an app to track my cycle after reading about it online. It probably doesn't make things more 'spontaneous', but I did read good reviews about it online..

Hi hi!
I totally get how you feel! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 8 months now, and it's just not happening. Because of our past, we've decided to see the doctor. We wanted to wait a bit longer at first, but after talking about it a lot with our friends and family, we decided to take the plunge.

Our GP told us to keep trying for now and come back later. She wasn't aware of my medical history. Once I explained everything briefly, she said, "Okay, we'll refer you." We had to go to my GP, but she's so busy that I switched to my husband's GP. After registering and handing over my file, she sent a referral letter. Now we're just waiting for a letter from the hospital!

We're still hoping it won't come to that.

Wishing you lots of luck and hoping you'll get pregnant soon!

I read your story and it really touched me, because I know exactly how you feel. The lack of understanding and especially the ignorance of many people makes this process even heavier. Unfortunately, for many people it’s still taken for granted that you stop taking the pill and *poof* you’re pregnant. With one of my friends, this actually happened twice. A lot of people also have no idea that they need to adjust their lifestyle and deal with it very consciously.

My husband and I have been trying for two years now without success. A year ago, we got tested at the hospital, and unfortunately, we both have fertility issues. We’ve started with IUI and hope it’ll finally work out now.

My advice, which has helped me a lot, is that it might be useful to draw energy from stories of people who are in the same situation as you. So, keep talking to others in the same boat on forums, etc.

And maybe you should consider getting tested at the hospital to see if there’s anything wrong. Anyway, it gives some peace of mind to know what’s going on. It takes away the restlessness of “why isn’t it working?” and you can focus on “it’s not working because of X, so let’s go into this process to give it a chance.”

No matter how hard the process is, don’t give up! Talk about it with your husband and loved ones, and be open and honest. Explain what it does to you when people around you make comments that make you feel uncomfortable or sad. No one understands this terrible feeling until you’re in it yourself.

I wish you and your husband lots of strength in this long and exhausting journey! And I really hope you’ll succeed in having a baby.

Best, Bianca!

Hey Oli,
What a sad story you're writing. Unfortunately, I recognize it myself too. I've already been at it for 8 months. And I have very long cycles, always exactly 47 days. I wonder if I even ovulate at all. And I'm really doubting whether I should go to the gynecologist again. Last time she told me everything was fine. But well.
As everyone says, you shouldn't think too much about it, but I don't think anyone can. I tell people outside that we'll see when it happens, and luckily there are also very few people who know about it, so the questions don't come up. We also live healthily. My boyfriend does smoke though. I completely understand your sadness. I don't cry, but I also wonder if it will ever work out? Will I really ever become a mom?
Now we wait. I ovulated on Thursday and have been dizzy mostly in the evenings for the past 2 days, and I have a lot of sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I don't dare to hope, but secretly I do a little bit.
Hopefully it works out quickly for you too.
Best regards, Anke

oli, I totally relate to your story.
Only a few people know about our desire for a child, and they both got pregnant within six months. Nice for them, of course, but I want the same.
I only drink alcohol during my period, more than one glass but definitely no binge drinking. My boyfriend hardly drinks and doesn't smoke.
We've been using ovulation tests from the start. It does bring some stress, especially since we sometimes don't have time to do it on the "right" day because of work and sports and...
I've also had my hormones tested, and they're fine. The doctor doesn't want to do a sperm test yet because, according to her, it's too early.
It's comforting to read that there are other women who feel like me.

Hopefully, everyone gets a positive test soon.

Hey Olli,
I'm also in round 8 now.
I'm 30 and already have two little wonders, but the desire for a third is really strong.
With my previous kids, it took 7 months and 6 months, and now it's month 8... I start wondering, oh dear, will it still work out for us? Of course, 8 months isn't that long, but when you're going through it, those 8 months feel like an eternity.
I also have a friend who stopped the pill 2 months ago and got pregnant right in the first month

Those waiting weeks are hell for me. Especially those last 4 days. Hopefully, it won't take too much longer for us.

Hi Oli,

I totally relate to what you're saying. We're currently in round 7.

Right now, a lot of friends and acquaintances around me are getting pregnant right away.

It's also weighing heavily on my relationship with my husband. He's not really one for talking and tends to put things in perspective more quickly.

I have an appointment with the gynecologist at the end of this month and hope to get rid of my insecurities that way.

I hope you guys hit the jackpot soon and that you'll feel less insecure soon, but you're definitely not alone!

I completely understand how you feel! We've been trying for 17 months now... I keep hoping and dreaming, but it's getting harder and harder! The gynecologist told us to come back in March if we hadn't conceived yet, but I can't bring myself to do that... I've got an appointment on Jan 21st. I'm starting to get more annoyed and angry at people who ask, "No kids yet?" Grrr, it's making my hair stand on end! I'm glad I found this forum; it feels good to read that I'm not alone with this problem and these feelings.

It feels so good to read that there are still women who think like me! I also made the mistake of saying we were going to start trying for our first baby. I know I shouldn't complain yet because we've only been trying for 3 months, but I'm already sick and tired of hearing 'it'll happen' and 'don't think too much about it'... Easy for women who aren't going through it and got pregnant right away! For me, it's mainly because I'm 'already' 31 and really want a baby, which makes it so important to me. I really thought my symptoms meant I'd be pregnant this month, but unfortunately, I got my period yesterday. My cycle is quite regular and my hormones seem fine, but I'm still so afraid that something might be wrong with me or my partner. Even though the gynecologist said everything looked fine at first glance when I went for my smear test. As I said, I know I shouldn't complain yet because we've only been trying for 3 months, but it feels good to know I'm not alone.

To everyone who calls it a mistake to tell people that you're trying to conceive: I totally get it. I made that 'mistake' too. But still, aren't those the very people you want to know when things get tough? Sometimes I feel silly for telling people, but otherwise I'd have to carry this sadness all alone. Now I can talk about it with some of my friends.