dad does nothing

Mariella, I'm also an old-fashioned mom I only work occasionally, while my husband works all day. Merel, it's logical that you divide things up then.
Still, I prefer to clean myself; I guess I'm just a bit more handy with it!

If I didn't work, I'd totally get it!

Heart

Then I'm even more old-fashioned haha, I don't work at all, I'm home all day... I would like to work, but unfortunately I can't find anything yet

I have a son who's 3.5 years old. Since he was born until now... he does nothing with our son... doesn't help dress him, doesn't shower together, doesn't get him out of bed for Im, and doesn't do anything fun with Im. I'm now pregnant with the second one. But I'm ready to do everything myself. We can manage because we get so much love back from the kids. On top of that, I don't get any love from my partner either... no hugs or cuddles... no kisses either. I always say if you can leave your partner... do it... You're better off without your man than with a man who does nothing... You'll only end up annoying yourself even more.

If you can leave your partner, do it? Because that's good for you? And what about your baby.. I think that's a really weird statement. I'm currently going through a separation myself, and you don't become happy from it either.. My man would rather be lazy than tired when it comes to the little one, but sorry, that's not the only reason to leave. A very separate response.

Hihi, I wouldn't follow that either. If you don't get cuddles or something from your boyfriend, how do you get pregnant by him?
Good luck, Anoniem22..

Yeah, indeed, and no one is perfect; everyone has their flaws.
Thank you, sweetheart, love.

Hi, the forum only lets me reply in those big letters.
I'm fed up too. My husband literally did nothing. Just going to the gym, working, and coming home late because of work (which I can understand). Now I work too, and he doesn't help either.

He didn't help me during my maternity leave. The maternity care nurse gave him some remarks; I had to sleep on the couch. I saw the nurse in the morning and told her "no, I slept on the bed" so that he wouldn't get angry.

Last year, the only thing he did was go to the gym early and come home late because of his work (which I do understand). I was home for a year, so I could understand that he didn't do "that much". Now I also work, our child is one year old, and he doesn't help. Not around the house, he wasn't clean, doesn't tidy up, doesn't care for our child, gets angry when I ask him to not go to the gym so early one day so that I have time for myself, and just says: "then you take her to daycare?" He said that if I want time for myself, I should take her to daycare or to grandpa. I don't want my daughter at grandpa's, his house is dirty, medicines are lying everywhere, he doesn't change diapers, etc. My parents live in another country, so I'm completely alone. Oh yes, and we don't have money to pay for extra childcare. At first, he also didn't want to give me money to pay for our daughter's costs. It has changed now.. After I spent all my savings on groceries, clothes, diapers etc. In return, he spent a lot of money on expensive stuff for his gym hobby in a year. Now I'm angry. He says he'll only go to the gym less if he can find another job in about 5 years. Well.. Wtf, have you lost your mind???

I really want to leave, but I have nowhere to stay. And social housing takes so long.. I also have to say that before I gave birth, we had AGREED on things. Which he seriously says didn't happen, that we didn't agree on anything. I now have a very exhausting job, an illness that makes it almost impossible for me to walk or pick things up with my hands, a 24/7 job as a housewife and 2 children.. Because my partner is nothing more than a annoying child.

Oh yeah.. And heavy shopping when I was pregnant.. All for me too, and I found it quite difficult because I collapsed on the street. But I was so "sweet and naive" that I didn't see those things. Now I've learned that there are rotten people in the world

Same here, unfortunately.
He gives enough attention to both, he doesn't even notice anything, but giving a bottle or changing is just too much to ask.
With time (our son is now 8 months old) you do get used to it, sounds harsh but that's not how I mean it because I'm dealing with it myself too, but you start to feel stronger yourself.
A kind of power mommy I guess because you can do everything, understand everything and build a strong bond with your baby.
And I notice that my man is starting to find that difficult and is taking slow steps to also get that bond with him and be a good father.
Just him asking if he can do something gives me some relief since this situation is mentally heavy too.

Hi.
My son is already eight months old. My husband does pretty little as well. He's really good at using the computer. He even finds it too much to ask if he has to look after him for a day because then he has the weekend off.
I've done everything on my own from the beginning, including the nights. I sometimes wonder if there are any men who actually help out?

It took my husband a while, but he's helping out with the kids now. But that only started when I went back to work after my maternity leave. Since I have rotating shifts, including evenings and weekends, he didn't really have much choice .
But he honestly admits that now that she's older, he finds it more fun because he feels he has more interaction with her. She talks and can show what she wants. That makes it easier for him.
As for housework...... well, I sometimes have to push myself hard, and then he does help. But hey, I'm the boss of the house after all

Same here. Gave birth 3 months ago. And the dad only changed the diaper once because he had no choice. He hates doing the diaper because of our son's poop. But I'm also mostly alone, even at night when our son wants his bottle. Since our son was born, he's been very angry and snaps at me too. We still live with the in-laws, but we are married. But things don't run smoothly with the in-laws either. They always argue with each other, and I'm not allowed to hold our son too much, I'm not allowed to wash our son in the morning, and I'm not allowed to give our son his bottle when the in-laws are here because they want to do that. It's our son after all. I have a lot of stress right now. Constant stomach pain, constant vomiting. I really have a lot of stress now. I almost have to go back to work. I don't see myself going back to work yet. Also, when we go out, I'm not allowed to take our son with me. It's so bad.

That's so tough for you ladies who don't get any help from their partners

We do... we have 4 kids together and he does a lot for us The youngest are 6.5 months old, he gives bottles, changes diapers,... He also helps around the house and works in different roles...

Terrible! He really needs to take responsibility for his child.

Same problem here. I’m home and currently not working. My husband is. I’m busy with our daughter and the house, inside and out. My husband gets home at half past four. He expects dinner to be ready on the table. If it’s not, he’s grumpy. After eating, he smokes and spends most of the evening on his phone. When I say something about it, he claims he’s busy with work and needs to keep his colleagues on side. When I put our daughter to bed in the evening, he sometimes doesn’t even notice because he’s chilling in the sunroom. The baby monitor is always on my nightstand. When our daughter wakes up at night, he sighs and kicks his feet on the mattress. I take her out of her crib so he can sleep peacefully. Otherwise, he gets so grumpy. Because of this, I sleep terribly because our daughter pulls me all night long... During the day, I try to clean the house. Otherwise, I get comments about it, and I try to spend as much time with our daughter as possible. I sometimes get help from my mother. She helps us financially a lot; I can’t expect her to help us financially and with babysitting. My mother-in-law never offers. She’s busy babysitting her 3-year-old niece. She comes by once a week because she happens to be in the area for work. When I tell my husband I’m tired, he says I should lie down during the day, as if I have time for that. He often cooks when our daughter is asleep so I have time for her when she’s awake. He also says he’s tired from work and that I sit at home all day. As if being at home isn’t work. He also thinks it’s a woman’s job...

I usually keep quiet because talking doesn’t solve anything. Except that we end up arguing... but I’m really reaching my limit now.

Oh, and he keeps shouting that he wants a second child. I’d also like another child, but I’m really scared because I know I’ll be facing it alone...

Exactly the same here... unfortunately. I don't know what to do and I'm at my wit's end. I feel so alone and hadn't expected this. I'm going to fall apart and he just doesn't see it. I don't know how I'll ever get through this. Sometimes I wonder, what did I do to deserve this and how can someone let you down so badly. I'm so happy with my son, but he cries a lot, sleeps little, and needs full attention. On top of that, the household still needs to run. I don't know if I want to go on like this. I was so happy with him, but not anymore. Now his true nature is coming to the surface... Do more women recognize this? And does anyone have tips, please?

My girlfriend had these feelings too, and it even led to the end of our relationship. After asking a doctor for help, we started talking with professional support and found out that it was related to her body's recovery and hormones. Things we normally wouldn't consider significant were now a big problem for her. The feelings she had or didn't have were also common in women after childbirth. Once we knew this, we could take it into account and talk a lot about how she felt, which was the most important thing. Talking, reassuring, and showing understanding helped us get through it. If we hadn't asked for help and talked a lot, it wouldn't have gotten better.

like a narcissistic personality

I wonder how you can be man enough to pump your seed into a woman but not man enough to give the love of your life and the baby she carried for 9 months the love and time they deserve. Same here, and I already feel guilty even asking if he can spend 5 seconds watching the little one because "Mr. is working" and I'm not (due to recovery and leave, even though I also have a permanent contract).

Are you then lying there, torn apart, without sleep, without help, and without love from the only person whose love should multiply through your little one.

But I've also come to terms with it after a lot of pain: the bond between mom and son will be super strong soon, and if I ever decide to put my own happiness first, you know where your little one belongs.