Forum Babbles

dad does nothing

40 replies · page 1 of 3

madelene
I think you should help each other out with taking care of the baby.
We have a preemie, so my husband doesn't have to help much, but he still changed our princess's diapers sometimes.
And when I look at my sister's husband, I see that he takes care of the household. She works, and he cooks and looks after their kids 5 days a week. They have two daughters, the oldest is 2 years old and the youngest is 6 months.
And he sometimes even does more than my sister herself.
See, that's how it can also work.
I think you should tell him how hard it is to do everything alone and that you both have this baby together.
And that he would really relieve you if he would help you, because with a man you always have to explain a bit how his help can make a difference so that he feels needed and is happy to help.
That way you get faster results with a man.
Greetings, Madelene

Replies

Page 1 of 3

  1. madelene started this #2

    Sorry for the sloppy sentence in my first post; it was written too quickly.
    Greetings, Madelene

  2. Anonymous Guest #3

    give them a kick under their butt!

  3. Edith #4

    Wow, what a selfish person, seriously! You have not just one, but two little kids. I completely agree with Anonymous above; no words to add.

  4. anoniem Guest #5

    My son is 7 weeks old. When the maternity care nurse was around, he did everything! But now he does nothing. Changing diapers, giving bottles, etc., I have to do it all. I never go to bed on time, never earlier than 11 PM, because my son is often awake for the last bottle. At night, I also do everything because he can't get up at night. I only ask that if he doesn't have an early shift. He gets very soft then. So I do it myself. He only cuddles with our son when he's satisfied. He can't stand our son's crying. I've already told him once that I feel like I have to do everything alone and that I'm alone in this. But I wasn't allowed to say that because it wasn't true. Now I really want to say more. I'm not even allowed to say that I'm tired. Because then I have to sleep in the afternoon..as if there's always time for that. He only complains that he's tired. He doesn't understand how hard I have it. I carry our son all day long; I'm raising him because he works. I just wish he would get more involved in raising him. But I can't just say that because then he gets angry. I really feel terrible right now.

  5. Anonymous Guest #6

    Gg

  6. Anonymous Guest #7

    Exactly the same here... unfortunately. I don't know what to do and I'm at my wit's end.
    I feel so alone and never expected this. I'm going to fall apart and he just doesn't see it. I don't know how I'm ever going to get through this. Sometimes I ask myself, what did I do to deserve this and how can someone let you down like this. I'm so happy with my son, but he cries a lot, sleeps little and needs full attention. On top of that, the household still has to keep going.
    I don't know if I want to go on like this, I was so happy with him, but not anymore. Now his true nature is coming to the surface...
    Do more women recognize this and does anyone have any tips please?

  7. Marc #8

    Pathetic guys, ugh! Get professional help!

  8. Anonymous Guest #9

    Can't you spend a few days with your parents with the little one? Then you can catch up on rest. It might also make him realize that he really needs to change his behavior. I had a C-section myself, so I know how much of an impact it has on your body. It's a major abdominal surgery, so you really need to take it easy for 6 weeks. I don't know what your relationship is like with your in-laws, but if it's good, I'd talk to them. If he won't listen to you, maybe they can give him a kick in the pants. I assume they raised him better than that.

  9. Lisa Guest #10

    It gives me some comfort to know this apparently happens a lot more often. But it remains bizarre. I'm also pulling my hair out. Dads are always tired. He never gets out of bed even when our little girl is crying. He sleeps a solid 7 hours a night. In the afternoons I have to ask him every day if he can watch her for half an hour (watch her??? Yes, watch her...).

    When I came home from the hospital after three days, it was a mess. I had to clean myself up (bruises and all) and feed every 2 hours. We live in a small house and don't have a washing machine, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner, so you can imagine what a chore that is. But no help at all. Now at 3.5 months, I've accepted it. Or well, I have no energy left to try and get any support. I get snapped at every day. I don't know why. He's just been a grumpy poop since our daughter was born.

    He works evenings from 5 to 11. During the day he sleeps and then often goes out to clear his head. Apparently, I don't need that. If this doesn't change, I don't see us growing old together. I think that's really sad, especially for the baby, but I'm extremely unhappy now. Rocking a crying baby to sleep while crying isn't healthy either. Strengthen, dear mothers. Never forget what a top woman you are!

  10. Cilia Guest #11

    Of course, it’s not right to be left at the mercy of fate. I had an ex myself, and he was exactly like that. He’d rather sleep than do anything. I ended that relationship when the little one was still less than a year old. I felt like I really had nothing going for me with him, and we only argued. Better to lose than to be rich, as they say.
    Now, fortunately, I have a lovely partner, and if we get pregnant, we’ve agreed to take turns getting up during the night. I thought that was a good idea! Still, you often see around you that men let their wives down. It’s absolutely not right!

  11. Gast Guest #12

    then just continue on without a partner

  12. Anoniem Guest #13

    Same here..
    During the maternity care week he did everything and I was so happy with our family.
    But from the moment the maternity care left.
    He gets irritated already when I ask if he could please give a bottle.
    He makes sure he's away at all times and when I ask if I can stay lying in bed a little longer in the morning, his answer is what is this nonsense.
    If he holds our boy for 10 minutes a day it's too much.
    I really feel alone and abandoned but when I say something about it he gets angry

  13. Merel #14

    I read this with astonishment! Isn't it important for a father to have a good bond with his child too? There are fun and less fun things involved! My husband does a lot for us; helps with cooking, housework, grocery shopping, bottle feeding, dad's day, changing diapers, cuddling, etc. Except for breastfeeding, we do everything together and that's the most fun for our little girl too. You can really see her react enthusiastically when we come to her; it doesn't matter if it's me or my husband! And he wouldn't want it any other way for all the gold in the world, and neither would I.

    Good question is whether men have always been selfish and if there is a person who influences these men. These men simply don't know what they're missing and let their own wife and child down! Bah!

  14. Jeroen Guest #15

    I totally get those dads. Imagine it. Suddenly all the attention goes to the baby, and the man has absolutely no bond with it because, hey, he didn't carry it in his belly. And secondly, nobody wants a crying, pooping, spitting baby that gets all the attention anyway. And then you have to get out of your warm bed at night too! It's disgusting. It took me 1.5 years before I could bond with our child. It's tough and can ruin relationships, such a baby. Now we've just had the second one and the drama starts all over again. Tough times for both of you. Strength to the man and the woman.

  15. Merel #16

    Wow, you're such a pushover, disgusting! Nothing you wrote could've been a surprise; if you hated it so much, you shouldn't have started in the first place. Giving up your cozy bed? Grow a pair!

  16. mariella #17

    Okay, and here I am complaining about my husband..
    He never changes our daughter and almost never gives her a bottle unless I ask him to.. I always dress her, put her to bed, and usually get her out of bed.. Only when I ask does he get her out of bed.. He does play with her though, but doesn't do the care or feeding..

    Plus he works a lot and I'm at home, so I find it logical that I do most of it..

    But he does help me with cooking and cleaning around the house.

    Men who say that changing a baby, cleaning the house, and cooking are things a woman should do are not okay! Sorry to say, but in what era do we live..

  17. Hartje #18

    Mmm, I get it, you know. Men just don't have that much interest in the whole tiny baby thing. Ever since our son turned 8 or 9 months old, my man has been getting more involved. Little one wants to play with papa all the time now, isn't that super? They'll make up for lost time. And my old-school guy doesn't have to do so much around the house; that's how we've split things up. But if I can't manage it, I can always ask him..

  18. mariella #19

    That’s not what I meant at all :$

    I mean there are men who really do absolutely nothing around the house and are always shouting the loudest that the woman only has one right, and that’s the countertop..

    One of my exes was like that. I was recovering from surgery so I wasn’t allowed to do anything, but he wouldn’t do it either, so I had to ask my grandma to come over to clean and cook.

  19. Merel #20

    Wow, how old-school! Luckily, we share all the tasks. I work too, and a mother usually has a bit more to do than a father in the first few months!

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