Hi ladies, I'm Kevin. I'm happily married and we have 3 kids, but I have a problem and I'm at a loss.

I haven't replied before, but I've read everything...

I think what Bianca1986 says is completely true.

Your wife has had to go through and process so much as a little girl that she probably "just" protects her children in this (her) way from whatever might come one day.
On top of that, she (since becoming a mother) has naturally never been able to ask her mother for advice; maybe that's what she uses to protect herself. That she doesn't know how motherhood works and is actually running away from it... maybe afraid of making mistakes? She didn't have her mother for very long to experience how fun and cozy it could be... at least she has undoubtedly experienced that but simply suppressed it... not being at home might for her be the way to avoid the pain.

It seems very wise for her to sit down with a psychologist, with you there to outline the situation, and for her to continue having sessions afterwards to process everything for herself. Because I don't get the impression that any processing has taken place.

And another child? Well, I completely understand that you don't see that happening in your situation, not now at least, but hopefully she realizes how important it is for your children, for you, and for herself to process everything and create a bond with your children. And besides, I think it's good if you spend an evening together regularly without the kids. Both unwinding and recharging... very important!

Beautifully put, precious86

I really think she has buried all her pain and sorrow, afraid to show her true self, afraid to show her real emotions, because the moment she opens herself up completely, she becomes vulnerable, maybe even more vulnerable than she ever was before.

Maybe that's indeed the solution: talk to people who understand, who are there to help her (and you) in this difficult situation. I think she hasn't given it a place yet, and I think she still thinks about everything every day, because she still hasn't made peace with it. And don't get me wrong, it's terrible that she had to go through all that at such a young age. Just thinking about what all went on in that little head of hers is really hard. But by talking about it, she might be able to give it a place, to bring more color into her life. Right now, everything seems black and white, which is really hard. Because life can be so beautiful with your kids, and of course your husband. I hope she still has a whole life ahead of her, and if she continues like this, she'll live in fear for years and years.

That's what I think at least. I'm trying to think with you, Kevin, and hope you appreciate our responses I hope for you and your children that you can enjoy your wife and mother very soon.

Hey precious86,

I'll just do it here, hihi, please don't mind me. Congratulations on your pregnancy! 7 weeks, how lovely. I hope you're looking forward to a beautiful pregnancy journey and that you can enjoy everything that's coming your way

How are you feeling? Any complaints or anything? Did it take you a long time to get pregnant?

Love, Bianca

Hi Bianca,

I totally agree with you!

Hihi thanks, yes I'm so happy!! Thanks I'm feeling pretty good except for the nausea and tiredness haha, well it's all part of the deal, right!! I stopped the pill in August and got pregnant in early December, so I didn't have to wait long..

I'll reply to your post on your profile..

xx

Hey hey precious,

It's nice that you replied, I sent you a friend request..
That might also make it easier to respond to each other..

Private stuff or something is easier now haha

Love Bianca x

Hey Kevin,

It's totally fine that you're only replying now
It just proves again that your kids are everything to you, since your sweet daughter wanted to sleep
Hahaha oh, that's nice that they're back from school now, at least you have some time for yourself, a little moment

And you're welcome, I was actually wondering, because you can learn so much from childhood, and the way I gave you my advice and opinion now, I've done the same for many others before..

I once went to see someone with paranormal gifts, and she told me she saw someone in me who always wants to help others.. And without me realizing it at the time, I helped many people by giving certain advice. Now I'm much more aware of it. She also said I have my own gift, I just need to learn to control it

Greetings, Bianca

I'm curious what her father is going to say or maybe even tell you, and how he'll react to it, etc.. Wishing you lots of luck and strength, and if you want to talk, you know where to find us

Good luck

Wow Kevin, I've read your whole story and I really respect you for being a stay-at-home dad! And also because you want the best for your wife...

I'm actually quite curious to see how things will go from here on...
I hope your wife can leave the past behind her more and just fully enjoy the kids and you...

Kevin, have you already had the conversation?

Wow, that's a really heavy past. It could explain a lot. I'd also talk to your wife about it, very carefully.

Hey Kevin,

big respect to you! I've read everything, and I think you really need to have a serious talk about this. I fear her youth has a lot to do with it. You'll need to take things step by step. I wouldn't outright reject the idea of a fourth child, but give it time. Try to make sure she can process everything, and definitely include some mom-only days. Time will tell where you end up. Good luck, both of you working on it, and it'll all work out in the end.