Hi ladies, I'm Kevin. I'm happily married and we have 3 kids, but I have a problem and I'm at a loss.

I'm already feeling incredibly overwhelmed with this now, and when I think about how she'll be working night shifts while I'm stuck with the night feedings...
The first months give me a suffocating feeling. I totally get that my wife sees it differently—she doesn't have that burden, and of course, she's working outside the home again.
I don't want to argue about this, but I do want to talk her out of this idea in her head.
And I want her to put herself in my shoes, to understand how tough it'll be for me.
Greetings, Kevin

thanks, you're a lifesaver, for your advice and I hadn't thought of that yet. I've never actually talked to her about a mom's day out. That would be great, it would really take a load off my mind. And it would indeed be more relaxing if my daughter was at school when we start thinking about another baby, so I'd have more time for the baby when she's working. And maybe she'll be a bit calmer at that age because right now she's very active. Really a feisty little girl. I'll bring it up to my wife. Thanks a lot greetings, kevin

Thank you, sweetheart
Well, I'm quickly going to my little girl because she's woken up.

Hi sweetie, thanks for your reply. It's true that my wife sees the kids little. She also works night shifts almost always, which is why I don't see the point in having a 4th child. I'm already busy with the rest of the kids. In the beginning with all our kids, when they were just born, so for a few months, I could take care of the night feedings because she had to recover from her night shifts. 2 night feedings were for her, the rest fell to me. They also didn't want parental leave, otherwise it would have helped me a bit. I'm going to talk to her about it today because this weekend she was too tired to talk about it Greetings, Kevin

The kids miss her a lot, especially our little girl. Usually, when I’m reading them their last bedtime story and it’s time to sleep, Fay starts asking for Mama. So I call her, and she reassures her.

Otherwise, they’re used to it since it’s been this way from the start. Often, when she has an afternoon off, the kids want to tell her everything that’s happened at school, and they almost fight over who gets to sit on her lap first. Because she’s there so little, they want to tell her everything at once—they’re taking their chance.

Only, it rarely happens that she’s off, and when she is, she goes to sleep because she’s worked so hard. That mildly irritates me because then I think, “Now you’re finally free, but the kids have nothing to do with you because you’re asleep.” I find that a bit unfair to the kids.

I know the kids better than she does. I know what they like or don’t like, and what’s going on at school, because I always drop them off and pick them up. On birthdays, when she’s there, women sometimes ask her questions about our kids, and she has to ask me because I know them better. Then the women often look at her strangely.

But the kids are used to me. If they fall, they want me to comfort them, not her. Then they call out for Papa.

Anyway, I hope we don’t end up fighting about this because I’m doing everything. I hope she appreciates it a bit too, and that I can honestly say I’m not looking forward to a fourth child. I’m now caring for our kids with all my love, even though it’s tough and busy. That’s just how our life is now; she works, I take care of the kids.

But a Mother’s Day wouldn’t hurt

Thanks, Beertje, for your encouragement and support

Greetings, Kevin

Thanks, sweetie. Yes, you know, it's tough, even though I obviously enjoy being with my kids. It's hard, especially since our Fay is such a lively, spirited little girl.

It's indeed the other way around for us; my friends often tell me I'm crazy. I have to honestly admit that I have deep respect for women who handle everything at home while the man does nothing. I can really put myself in those women's shoes, precisely because I'm in a similar situation myself. My sister, for example, practically does everything—cooking, housework. I didn't really realize it back then, but now that I live like this myself, I can really empathize with how busy women are. My friends don't get that.

Anyway, I'm glad for your message. You really encouraged me to have a good talk with her about it, and through your message, I also see how important it is for the kids if my wife spends more time with them and is more involved.

It's good to hear it from a woman; you bring up good points that a man doesn't think of as quickly. And it's also a great idea to write things down like that; it's clear with all the agreements.

hi bianca i just read your message
first of all i want to thank you and the other ladies for your sympathy
and support.
to answer your question my wife lost her mother at a young age when she was 5 years old
and she found it very difficult back then she seems to have always been a spontaneous open child
but according to her father she changed back then she stopped sleeping she became very closed off and at school in kindergarten things went badly for her
her teachers told her father that she often sat quietly in a corner didn't want to play and also stopped talking and in the evenings she often stood by the outside door and said then i'm not sleeping because i'm waiting for mama to come back and she did that until she was 7 years old
my father-in-law told me all this he often heard her crying in bed every night.
it was not easy for her father either and it hurt him deeply inside that his little girl had changed so much he suddenly lost contact with her she no longer wanted to cuddle or talk to him she completely shut herself off from him and the world around her
then he remarried when she was about 11 but to a woman who didn't really like children
and only later did he find out that that woman mistreated her they worked in the evenings and said she was with her
so he didn't notice it at first but only later
he found it terrible when he found out that woman was also very jealous of the bond she had with her father when he found out about that he immediately got divorced.
but well so that was basically her childhood and now she has been able to put it in perspective
by the way bianca it must be so difficult for you to fight so hard for a miracle lots of strength with that and may your wish come true soon
thanks ladies for your advice and your support
and i will let you know how the conversation went
greetings kevin