1st trimester
So incredibly unhappy - what should I do?
Anita B Guest ·
I understand I'm going to get angry responses, but I feel so incredibly unhappy and need to get this off my chest because I feel like I'm drowning in it 
I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. We live together in a cramped rental apartment. He has a part-time job, so financially things aren't spacious. There's no possibility for him to work more hours, maybe ever in the future. I just lost my job. I worked as a production worker, but it was physically too heavy for me. I graduated as a psychologist in 2012, but finding work seems completely impossible.
I had a very difficult childhood, always holding on to the idea: things will get better later. Now it's "later" and it's not better, and I wonder what I'm even doing anymore.
What I had in mind:
- A nice job as a psychologist
- A nice own house to renovate to make it our little nest
- A partner with a good salary so we can live comfortably
What I have:
- Absolutely nothing, zilch, nada in terms of income
- A small rental place that has many issues
- A boyfriend who is a treasure, but financially he can't give me what I so desperately want
The baby is coming into a completely different situation than I had wished. I know that life goes its own course and you never know what the future holds, but I feel so unhappy.
I'm wondering if I even want this baby. What do I have to offer it?
People around us will talk about the pregnancy, I already know that. They also think the situation isn't suitable.
But what's more important: a boyfriend who earns a lot, or one you know will be the sweetest, nicest dad? I always thought the latter, and now that it's coming to a head, doubt sets in. I feel so selfish because of this.
Could this feeling also be due to hormones? I don't know myself like this at all
I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. We live together in a cramped rental apartment. He has a part-time job, so financially things aren't spacious. There's no possibility for him to work more hours, maybe ever in the future. I just lost my job. I worked as a production worker, but it was physically too heavy for me. I graduated as a psychologist in 2012, but finding work seems completely impossible.
I had a very difficult childhood, always holding on to the idea: things will get better later. Now it's "later" and it's not better, and I wonder what I'm even doing anymore.
What I had in mind:
- A nice job as a psychologist
- A nice own house to renovate to make it our little nest
- A partner with a good salary so we can live comfortably
What I have:
- Absolutely nothing, zilch, nada in terms of income
- A small rental place that has many issues
- A boyfriend who is a treasure, but financially he can't give me what I so desperately want
The baby is coming into a completely different situation than I had wished. I know that life goes its own course and you never know what the future holds, but I feel so unhappy.
I'm wondering if I even want this baby. What do I have to offer it?
People around us will talk about the pregnancy, I already know that. They also think the situation isn't suitable.
But what's more important: a boyfriend who earns a lot, or one you know will be the sweetest, nicest dad? I always thought the latter, and now that it's coming to a head, doubt sets in. I feel so selfish because of this.
Could this feeling also be due to hormones? I don't know myself like this at all
Replies
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anne greet janssens #2
Hi, these feelings can totally come from the hormones. I had them too during my first pregnancy. I bet many women become a bit insecure about pregnancy in all aspects, even if they're financially okay. Other factors play a role too!
We didn't have much money either, but where there's a will, there's a way. You have to make the best of it and look for solutions together... you can look for cheap stuff and such. If you love each other and want to go for that baby together... taking responsibility together, then everything will work out.
Who knows, maybe your boyfriend can pick up some extra work when possible, every little bit helps...
Don't let other people's comments get to you. You need to move forward. We got there too, with a lot of working. I'm pregnant with my second now, and the fear is back too: "will it work out?" But everything turns out fine!
We now have our own house and renovated and such! It's not easy, unfortunately, but still, you know what your priorities are, right?
Keep talking about it as a couple and support each other.
Greetings -
dammie #3
Hey girl, what a story.. but you have to do what feels right..
people talk too fast already... and some still find it easier to have prejudices than to ask for the real reason...
whether you live big or small.. whether you have luxury or not means nothing to such a tiny little one..
if you can make a room with love using second-hand stuff, that's more important than luxury...
if the baby comes into a warm nest, that's even more important.. that it gets attention and love..
that's just important.
maybe your friend can take on a side job where he can earn a little extra... and maybe you could look for temporary work that you'd enjoy.. that gives energy and encourages you to keep a positive outlook..
a nice job as a psychologist won't happen right away.. but keep this as a dream so you can work towards it in the future
.
Things will be okay someday, but try to see it positively...
and let people talk, unfortunately you always have those. But do what feels right for you two, that's the most important thing, and then I'm very sure you'll come out of this and stand strong in your shoes.. -
Rianne Guest #4
Anita, how are you doing now?
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