Forum Mothers

dilemma

17 replies

chantal26
Hi ladies,

I'm facing a dilemma. I'm about 10 weeks pregnant (I have an ultrasound on Monday) and my friend's boss asked me to move to Poland and come work there with my husband at an international company. On one hand, I really want to because you don't get an opportunity like this easily, and I'd earn a lot more than I would here in the Netherlands with my education and such.

So a lot would change; I'd finally have a job where I'd earn well, and my husband too, and we could buy a house there that I couldn't even get for that price here.

For the ladies who have already moved abroad, how did you take that step, and did it work out well for you?

Best, Chantal

Replies

  1. K #2

    Hi Chantal,

    I went to South Korea with my husband 2 years ago.
    I got pregnant here. The healthcare is really good, except for the language barrier.
    He went there to work and we managed to save well here, we didn't have a house in the Netherlands, got married 2 months before moving in together here.
    Fortunately, everything went well.
    It's been 2 years now with beautiful experiences.
    I was really dreading it at first, but it turned out to be no big deal and I'd recommend it. I also made good friends here and got to know a completely different culture.
    The contract was initially just for 1 year, but it ended up being 2 years.
    Next week we're going back to the Netherlands.
    My baby will be born in December in the Netherlands.
    In February we're going to America for a year with the little one.

    So we're not moving abroad permanently, so the situation is a bit different and I didn't work here. So I hope this is helpful for you.

    Best, Kim

  2. chantal26 started this #3

    Thanks Kimm,

    Didn't you get really bad homesickness or miss everyone? How did you deal with that? I don't even know if we'll stay in Poland permanently, but it seems like quite a challenge to me.

    I'm worried about the top part, afraid I'll miss everyone and eventually get homesick, but I'm also really scared that if I don't take this chance, I'll regret it in the future. Also, my mom isn't really cooperating; she only talks negatively about it and even got angry because I didn't think about them, saying they wouldn't see my daughter as often as usual.

    How did you deal with this, Kimm?

    Sorry for asking so many questions.

    I think it's really impressive that you made that choice. I wish I could do the same.

    Greetings, Chantal

  3. Poesh #4

    Chantal, I can't really speak from experience since I'm not in that situation myself. But I think you need to figure out all the pros and cons for yourself. It doesn't make it any easier that you already have a child and are pregnant again, of course. That difference is so big compared to K. I think you'll find it much harder to make your choice then.

    If I were in your situation right now, I would do it because I don't have kids yet. If the kids are very young (I don't know how old your daughter is exactly), I might do it then too.

    Make a list of all the pros and cons and see which ones are most important to you and which ones are less so. And discuss this thoroughly with your husband; you both need to stand by this decision, whether you go abroad or not.

    Don't let yourself be influenced too much by your parents/in-laws/friends... They'll all miss you and your daughter will too, but you need to do what you think is best for your family right now. Not for someone else.

    I understand your fear of homesickness. I'm also very close to my mom. But nowadays there's so much to stay in touch, think of Skype... I have a colleague whose mom lives abroad and her sister in yet another country. It took some getting used to at first, it takes effort to see each other but no one has regretted it...

    I think it might be interesting to consider whether you'd be going permanently or for a number of years. Because this can also influence your decision.

    Good luck with the choice!!

  4. chantal26 started this #5

    Thank you! My daughter is almost 7 months old, so still very little.

    The only thing holding me back is what my mother thinks of it and my husband says the exact same thing: don't think about them, but about our future.

  5. Poesh #6

    Chantal,
    I just have one little thing to add. If you're both on board with it, I'd just go for it! Seven months is still so young; she's not even in school yet... In two years, it'll be a lot harder... By the time your oldest starts school, the decision about whether to stay or not will probably already have been made.
    Talk it over well with your husband, and my motto: follow your heart! Do what makes you feel good in life.

  6. chantal26 started this #7

    Thank you, poesh, for all the wise advice, and indeed, as long as we both stand behind it as a family.

  7. chantal26 started this #8

    That's so nice, Kimm! You really put my mind at ease. I've been doubting quite a bit whether I should really go ahead with it. Yesterday I had a lovely chat with my best friend, and she said that if you both stand behind it, you should just do it, otherwise you'll regret it. She's right, and my mom and no one in my family understand. I just can't wait and hope I won't regret it. I've always said that I want to see the world and live in different countries.

    But it's super nice that you've gained so much experience and learned and seen so much that you're going to America after giving birth. We've decided to go to Poland if the jobs work out, and then we'll see how long we stay. Who knows, maybe after a few years we'll go to another country like you did

    I have to say that you've reassured me, and for that, I want to thank you.

    I'd like it if I could follow your blog so we can keep in touch. It would be really nice to know where you are and what you're experiencing. Then I'll also start a blog with the timeline, and I'll send you my blog address if you like that.

    Thanks again, Kimm.

  8. chantal26 started this #9

    Kim, a quick question: do you raise your kids bilingual, and how does that work? Do you just speak both languages to them?

  9. Poesh #10

    Chantal, what I often hear is that the dad speaks one language, and the mom speaks the other..

  10. chantal26 started this #11

    okay, that way.

    thank you!

  11. K #12

    Hi Chantal,

    My dad really didn't agree with it at first, but it became much easier through Skype. And everything gets used to. When he came here for the first time on vacation, he saw that it was safe here, even safer than in the Netherlands. You can just walk around at night as a woman alone. Which you really shouldn't try in the Netherlands. He saw that we were enjoying ourselves here and that it was actually nice to discover things from around the world.
    If we hadn't chosen to go to South Korea, he would never have been to Asia either. Now that we told him we're going to America in February, it was easier for him to understand again and he wants to see it too and come on vacation.
    America will also be a very different world than South Korea or the Netherlands.

    Glad I could help you and make the decision easier.
    If Poland really doesn't suit you, you can also return to the Netherlands quickly or go back and forth more often.

    My web blog about Korea is now almost at its end, but I'll leave it up.
    So you can always read it. The link is hoobeninseoul.wordpress.com
    We're going to keep one for America again, but I still have to create it later.

    The idea is to raise our child bilingual anyway.
    Dutch (and Limburgish) and in America they will speak English to her and we will put on American children's programs. But when we return to the Netherlands, we also want to continue letting her watch English cartoons/children's programs.

    Greetings Kimm

  12. chantal26 started this #13

    That's so nice, Kim! Yeah, definitely, you'd get used to it, and nowadays you've got Skype and all that.

    I'll check out your blog, it's really nice.

    It's exciting, raising bilingual kids is always good.

    Have a lot of fun in Korea.

    Greetings, Chantal.

  13. chantal26 started this #14

    What a lovely blog, Kim! I'm reading it with full attention. It's so fun to see all the things you're experiencing in beautiful Korea. Wow, what a gorgeous country!

  14. K #15

    Haha thanks, nice that you took a look. Now you surely understand why I didn't want to miss any of that .
    And we've had a lot of visitors, which helps out a lot.

  15. chantal26 started this #16

    No, I totally get it, Kim, that you really didn't want to miss it. Enjoy those last weeks of beautiful Korea!

  16. chantal26 started this #17

    Kim, how did you actually handle the health insurance in the Netherlands? Did you cancel it or did you stay insured?

    And do you happen to know how vaccinations work for kids?

    Do you have any more tips on things we should keep in mind or anything like that?

  17. K #18

    Uhm, that was all handled through my husband's work.
    As for vaccinations for kids, I unfortunately don't know.

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