Forum Pregnant and working

Stay-at-home mom

15 replies

Iza
I couldn't imagine either that I would stop working after our oldest was born, but as soon as I held him in my arms, I knew I wasn't going back to a 32-hour job with two hours of commute per day, especially since I didn't really like my colleagues that much. So I quit, but I did start my own massage practice where I worked two or three days a week (spread out over the whole week). I loved having so much time with our son, and I still had conversations and contact with other adults.

It's really hard to make this choice before your baby arrives, and maybe you don't want to make this decision right now and prefer to do it after the birth. Then you'll know how you feel and whether you miss the social contact at work or if you'd rather stay home for the first year. The first year goes by so fast, and you miss out so much if you work full-time! Could you maybe do some freelance work to keep your CV up to date so it's easier to get back into the workforce after being home as a mom?

Replies

  1. Marieke #2

    I stopped working when I was pregnant with my oldest, who's 5 now. That was partly because I moved abroad, and I don't think it would have been easy to find a job while heavily pregnant. Now I'm a mom to 3 beautiful daughters and I'm a stay-at-home mom full-time. Sometimes I do miss having a job, especially the social contacts and the feeling of not being "mom" for a bit. But when I look at how busy I am now with 3 growing girls and the household, etc., I'm glad I made that choice! Once the youngest starts school, I want to look for work again, and for now I'm really happy to be able to experience everything with my girls and be there for them when they get home from school! It's a very personal choice that everyone makes for themselves!

  2. Mam2B Guest #3

    Thanks for your replies! I definitely find it helpful. I'll just see how it goes after the birth.

    I don't think I'll get bored easily, and many of my friends work part-time or in hospitality (evenings), so I'll have plenty of opportunities to hang out with adults. I'll just bring the little one along in the stroller, and hey, that afternoon nap can happen somewhere else too.

    It also sounds awful to miss out on those first steps, first words, etc., or at least not be able to fully experience them. Meanwhile, daycare doesn't focus on that at all.

    Is it never possible for you to leave the little ones with grandma & grandpa or friends for a bit? Or a babysitter who'd like to watch them for a weekend? I always really wanted that and sometimes had a friend's little one (from six months old) stay with us for a weekend. That way, you get a break from your role as a full-time mom every now and then.

  3. Iza started this #4

    We regularly (but still not enough ) have the little ones stay over so we can do something nice just the two of us. You really should do that too! It's lovely to have some time just for yourselves, and for the kids, it's also super fun to be in a different environment and be spoiled by, say, grandma and grandpa.
    If you're sure about your decision to stop working and your partner supports it, I'd go for it. You can still work until you're 67, but you can't get back the first steps, first words, etc. of your children....

  4. felise Guest #5

    Oh, how funny! With me it's the other way around. My husband actually wants me to keep working, while he stays home with the kids.

  5. katrien #6

    Hi ladies. I've been reading along here for a while because I'm in the same boat. I don't know if I'll go back to work part-time or just stay home with the little one. My husband wants me to stay home with the baby. He doesn't want me to work part-time or full-time and leave the little one somewhere, especially since you'd have to hand over most of your salary anyway. (No idea how much daycare costs per month.) I personally don't think I can stay home. I'm already going crazy when I'm home for a week on leave. It'll be different with my little one, of course. But still. I do think working from home is a good idea, so I'm busy and can be there for the baby. But what kind of work from home? I've searched myself silly. I just can't figure it out. But I still have plenty of time to think about it.

  6. Marianne #7

    I don't have kids yet and haven't given birth, but I'd really like to work 4*9, and if that doesn't work out, 4*8. My husband thinks I'm crazy when I suggest working 2 days or stopping altogether. I see women around me who have stopped working. Most of the ones I know can only talk about the weather, the assortment at Kruidenberg, and how many hours the baby slept each day of the week. So it seems like there's quite a bit of change in the way you see the world, I think.

  7. Mom #8

    I can imagine you're finding it really tough.

    I myself went back to work from home after our son was born, and I haven't regretted it for a single minute! I love it, and as I mentioned before, the first year goes by so fast! They change and learn so much, and if it's feasible, I'd absolutely say go for it!
    I think it also depends on your own personality; I still have plenty of social contact with friends/family, and it's definitely not just 'baby talk'

    Wishing you all the best with your decision.

  8. katrien #9

    @Marianna: that's exactly what I'm afraid of! That you'd completely shut yourself off in your house, all your friends have gone back to work, and you're just sitting there! I'm due in October, so the months after will be winter and I won't really be able to go walking with the little one! So I'll basically be stuck inside for those first 3 months! Not to mention staying home after that too! I can't even imagine it.
    But still something to seriously think about!!!

    @Mom: yeah, working from home is my second option, what do you do when you work from home?

  9. Mom #10

    @ Are you now relying on something that you could potentially do at home?
    I'm a hairdresser, so I can easily schedule everything around appointments.

  10. katrien #11

    No way!
    I work as a salesperson!
    I have done some massage courses, so I could do that at home, but it's not really ideal with a little baby around, you know, in case he/she starts crying!!!
    Not very relaxing for the client, eh

  11. Linda #12

    And what's wrong with daycare?
    It's really nonsense that there's no attention for the kids and their development. On the contrary. There's even scientific proof that kids who have been in daycare (in any form) have an advantage when they start school.

    I work in daycare myself and will probably keep doing it. (I'll have to, otherwise we won't make it financially.)

  12. katrien #13

    Hey Linda,

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with daycare! And yeah, your little one is much more social if you put them in daycare from an early age! But it's the money that counts!!!

  13. Linda #14

    I totally agree with that. But I work in childcare myself and unfortunately don't earn much, but I really do enjoy it when I take our baby to daycare. Saying that working in childcare is nonsense is just wrong....

  14. madelene #15

    I think it’s actually nice to have a bit of distraction, at least for me it works that way. I’m a much more cheerful mom when I’m also working. But someone who chooses to stay home full-time with the kids is also fine—it’s just about where you feel comfortable.
    Greetings, Madelene

  15. madelene #16

    I just wanted to add that to it.
    I always admire mothers who don't work but are full-time moms.
    I wouldn't enjoy it if I didn't work, so I wouldn't be a fun mom for my girls either.
    Greetings, Madelene

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