Getting pregnant after stillbirth

I actually find it incredibly powerful when you dare to choose life again after seeing how fragile it is. Sometimes time slips through your fingers, sometimes life, sometimes love, and I think that when you lose a baby, all three slip through your fingers.

When you lose a baby, you never get the chance to care for your baby, to get to know it, to raise it, or to cuddle it. It seems so incredibly heavy to me, but try to let yourself be guided by life and future perspectives. No matter how you lost your baby, it is in your heart and belongs to your family. So take good care of yourself. x

I lost my little boy at almost 42 weeks of pregnancy. On Saturday everything was still fine, the gynecologist said, and on Sunday our little boy was no longer alive. We are devastated.

Here, mom of Mason. We lost our baby at 42 weeks of pregnancy. I had to stay on the monitor on Saturday, and according to the gynecologist, everything was perfect. On Sunday, our little boy was no longer alive. It's been almost 8 weeks now, and we are devastated. Why did this happen? Aggressive sepsis, accompanied by septic shock. It must have happened within a few hours. The gynecologist later said that if I had started treatment earlier, there would have been no problem with our son. But no, always just waiting and waiting until it was too late. I am angry, sad, we are completely broken.

On 09-09-2015, our son was born lifeless after 41 weeks of pregnancy.

Hi everyone!

I gave birth to our Gusje on June 16th at 26 weeks; she's now been gone for a week.
We're now in round 5, so trying again.
The loss has hit us incredibly hard, but we have to move forward and the desire for a child is strong.

Today, on day 22 of my cycle (I have shorter cycles), I woke up with menstrual cramps.
I thought, oh no, here they come.
When I got to work, there was no sign of bleeding... 5 minutes later, I had to throw up twice.
I have a nagging feeling in my stomach.
Although I ovulated on day 14/15 of my cycle, so it might still be a bit early.
I know I was nauseous at the beginning too, and that was due to stress... but last month I had no more issues and this month I actually feel pretty good...
Has anyone experienced this?

Hi ladies.

We became proud parents on June 14th to a little girl who was born quietly after 27 weeks of pregnancy. She passed away because I suddenly developed type 1 diabetes and got very ill. We're already in round 3 for a brother or sister for Famke. We had to wait for the green light from the internist, otherwise we would have gone for it right away. Luckily, my blood sugar levels are fairly stable now, so we can start again so soon. For some, this takes years, so I'm very grateful for this! The desire for a child has only grown stronger! My parents know we're trying again and fully support us, as the whole family is deeply grieving.

I wish everyone a healthy baby, especially the parents of a rainbow baby
Wishing everyone lots of luck. Love,

I also lost my son after a pregnancy of 41.1 weeks.
No signs at all that something was wrong, everything was always fine. Had the last growth scan at 39 weeks and everything was super...
That day I went to the maternity ward for the usual check-up, and they were going to see if I could be stripped (induced), otherwise I would be transferred to the gynecologist two days later.
When they put the Doppler on my belly, they heard nothing... At the hospital, it was confirmed that his heart had stopped...
Nothing came up as to how this could have happened, everything looked fine. Our son was so incredibly beautiful and perfect, 53 cm long and 3380 grams. So incomprehensible..
And now the desire is so strong!
Gone through the whole pregnancy and ended up with empty hands.
We already have a son, and we were so happy he would become a big brother.
I want so badly to get pregnant again, but at the same time, I'm terribly afraid!
It will probably be really, really heavy.

Hi,

I'm reading your stories with tears in my eyes. We lost our identical twin boys too early, at 22 weeks of pregnancy, just a few weeks ago. My water also broke way too early, and by the time I got to the maternity ward, all hope was gone. You can't believe how your whole world crumbles at a moment like that. Especially when everything looked fine on the scan just the week before. At a time like that, you wonder what on earth you did to deserve this. The world stands still, but your desire for children remains. At a moment like this, you realize how much you were looking forward to becoming parents. How proud you were/were of those little ones, but also how angry you are at everything and everyone (who, of course, can't do anything about it). Somewhere inside, I want twins again, but nothing can replace our boys... On the other hand, I don't want to go through this again... the fear is enormous. When are you ready to experience the adventure again, how long should you wait? Do we have a higher risk of it going wrong again? By the way, we still don't know what caused it. Identical twins come with risks, but we thought that was a thing of the past after 12 weeks :-(... When does the pain become more bearable?

First of all, I share in the grief of everyone who has lost their baby, and I wish everyone strength in the face of this enormous loss, no matter how old your little miracle had become.

I lost my son at 39 weeks of pregnancy. The whole pregnancy went well, and apart from the 'normal' pregnancy ailments, there were no problems.
Until that one day... during a routine check-up with the midwife, no heartbeat could be heard. I was in disbelief and went into shock; it took at least an hour after the hospital check-up before I came back to earth. What I couldn't understand is that my body didn't give me any sign that something was wrong. My body let me down. He was born naturally on 21-08-2015. He was 53 cm and 4090 grams. A beautiful, complete little boy! After investigations, the cause was said to be 'bad luck'.
Terrible, but fortunately good for a possible future pregnancy, as the gynecologist said. I understood him, but you so desperately want the question 'why' to be answered.
A new pregnancy happened sooner than planned (a night of alcohol and relaxation with my husband )
According to my calculations, it was almost impossible that I would have been fertile then. But still, it happened those 3 months after that night. I couldn't believe my eyes when I held the positive test in my hands. At first, I cried terribly and talked to my son in my head, telling him that through this, I would never truly forget him. The guilt was enormous.

I am now 13 weeks pregnant with twins (mega special).
I'm teaching myself to let go and starting to open myself up more to these two little miracles. I think holding back my overwhelming joy at the beginning was also a form of self-protection.
But I love them both. That love doesn't take anything away from the fact that I still love my boy. Because of the guilt, I had a terrible time with it at first.
The check-ups are also for me a nerve-wracking experience each time. I realize I've developed a trauma from the last check-up with the midwife for my son. Now my heart is in my throat, and I'm so afraid of hearing the words 'I don't see or hear any more heartbeats', or that long silence when they see something isn't right...
It will be a very long, tough pregnancy, but the love for these two little ones, my wonderful husband by my side, and my eldest son will surely pull me through. The hope that I'll soon be able to hear two cries is immense, and that's what we're going for!

We also lost our little girl. At 26 weeks pregnant, she was born at home. Everything happened so fast, and before I knew it, she was here. She lived for 8 days, and on December 31, 2015, we said goodbye. I still have so much pain, even though I have two healthy sons. The desire to get pregnant again is very strong. I'm just really afraid of all the reactions around us. Some people don't even understand my grief, let alone my wish for a new baby. I never thought I'd go through something like this. And there are so many women dealing with this too. My heart goes out to all of you.

I lost my son Jayden after his birth at 31 weeks. At the 20-week scan, he was diagnosed with a hydrothorax. After various tests during the pregnancy, no cause was found, only a suspicion that it might be due to a leaking lymphatic vessel. This could only be treated after his birth. During the pregnancy, we did have a procedure to drain the fluid around his lungs so they could develop.

The procedure itself went well because the fluid went away and his lungs had space. However, after the emergency C-section, it turned out his lungs never recovered. He couldn't breathe after the umbilical cord was cut and quietly slipped away shortly after. I never heard him make a sound or see him alive because they naturally tried to resuscitate him immediately. I still find this very difficult. Last month, I found out that I spontaneously became pregnant again, 6 months after Jayden's birth. This came as a surprise to me because before Jayden, I had tried for 4 years without success to get pregnant and ultimately needed IUI to become pregnant. I should be about 6 weeks pregnant now. I'm happy about it, but I can't seem to enjoy it like I did with Jayden. I'm terrified that they'll find something on the scans and that it will go wrong again. I know that what Jayden had wasn't hereditary and that we just had bad luck, but I can't relax yet. A baby is a little miracle, and when you think about all the things that can go wrong to have a healthy baby, there's so much that can go wrong. I really hope that if the scans are good, I can slowly start to enjoy it because this baby can't do anything about it, and I am happy about this child.

With tears in my eyes I’m reading your stories. You’re all such strong women.

I don’t have personal experience myself, but my brother was stillborn. My parents have always been open and honest about it, and he’s still part of our family. He was born in an ambulance at 37 weeks. Back in 1987, things were very different from today. My mom had gone to the GP after feeling some kind of contractions. The GP listened and sent her home because there was nothing wrong. Two hours later, she was in an ambulance with screaming sirens, and he was born still. She was told: “If only you’d come in earlier.”

To this day, she carries a huge sense of guilt.

After my parents shared this with us, my grandparents told us that they had lost two babies: one at 34 weeks and one at 36 weeks. My aunt also experienced this at 33 weeks.

I’m really worried it might be something genetic in the family, but I’ve read a lot online that it’s not necessarily hereditary.

Of course, my story doesn’t help you at all, but I can say I’m glad he’s still part of our family.

Sending lots of strength and love to everyone who’s been through this.

Love,

Here, to our great sorrow, we also had a stillborn baby at 26 weeks.
It's been over 2 years now. The 20-week anomaly scan was perfect, and nothing would make you think that the almost impossible would happen: placental insufficiency developed after the 20-week scan.
At 25 weeks, I noticed my belly was very small, and I expressed my concerns to the gynecologist. He said it could also be due to my body type and that it didn't necessarily say anything about the pregnancy. To prove this, an growth ultrasound was done, which set off all the alarm bells. Our son was 2 to 3 weeks behind in growth, and his brain was in a critical state. They couldn't do anything because, although I was 25 weeks pregnant, the baby had to weigh over 600 grams. Ten days later, I had another growth ultrasound, and the day before, on Remembrance Day 2014, our little boy passed away.

Now, I am 21 weeks pregnant again, this time with a boy. I don't feel guilty, but I find it very difficult. I'm really struggling with myself and, unfortunately, I'm on disability leave. We actually wanted to get pregnant earlier, but unfortunately, that resulted in 3 miscarriages, and now we finally have a healthy pregnancy. We've had another good anomaly scan, and we have a growth ultrasound next Monday. I find it incredibly nerve-wracking.

I read that you (TS) have had a healthy son, wonderful!! Congratulations from the bottom of my heart!!

Lots of love, Daphne

It’s terrible to read that so many other couples have to miss their baby. It’s the heaviest thing anyone can go through; you wouldn’t wish this on anyone! We also had to say goodbye to a beautiful miracle in late January 2016, our incredibly strong daughter, Lauren. Our story..

In May 2015, after trying for 6 months, we finally got the positive test. We were very happy to be expecting our first child. The nausea started immediately for me and lasted quite severely until week 11. After that, it luckily got better and we could slowly start to enjoy the pregnancy. At 17 weeks, we had a screening ultrasound. Our baby was doing super well and there were no clear abnormalities visible. And what did we find out? My gut feeling was right, because we were having a daughter! We were intensely happy about this.

Then came the day, September 14, 2015, when we got the 20-week ultrasound. After looking at our girl for about a quarter of an hour and listing all the good things, the midwife moved on to the heart. It went quiet.. and she very carefully spoke the words.. 'The heart is a bit big'. Our world crumbled. The midwife could see that something wasn't quite right, but she couldn't see exactly what was wrong. So we were immediately referred to the University Hospital in Ghent (we live in Zeelandic Flanders), where we luckily ended up the next morning. That evening, we frantically searched the internet and, based on the midwife's description, we ourselves discovered that the heart condition that came closest to this description was Ebstein's anomaly. If you search for this heart condition, you find many success stories. You basically read nothing about the possibility that it is so serious that a baby will die from it. With reserved 'good' hope that it would turn out to be less severe, we went to the university hospital the next day. The gynecologist and the pediatric cardiologist jointly performed the ultrasound and afterwards we finally got to hear what was wrong with our baby and what the consequences would be.

The ground fell beneath our feet today when the cardiologist told us that it was indeed Ebstein's anomaly, but unfortunately the most severe variant, meaning our girl's chance of survival was only about 10-20%. Then we were presented with the choice to end the pregnancy. We agreed to think carefully about it and have an appointment again at the university hospital a week later. In the meantime, we went to the Sophia Children's Hospital for a second opinion, where we got the same conclusion from the pediatric cardiologist and gynecologist. This gave us 'peace of mind' so that we wouldn't just make a decision based on the analysis of one specialist.

And then we had to make the impossible decision. Together with my husband, we came to the conclusion that we wanted to give our girl every chance, with the driving force being that her life would be of good quality if she survived and got through the surgeries. So we carried the pregnancy to term and the doctors fully supported us. We were under very strict control at the university hospital for the rest of the pregnancy and at 38 weeks I was induced, so it would be a planned birth to give our girl the best chance.

On January 18, 2016, I gave birth to a beautiful, perfect girl. She came into the world at record speed and even let out a cry when she was placed on my belly for just a moment. Such a special moment, we will never forget that. She was then taken away immediately to stabilize her. To everyone's surprise, our girl was incredibly strong, because she was stable within 20 minutes! The doctors had clearly explained beforehand that there was a relatively high chance that something would go wrong, that she wouldn't be able to stabilize and would die shortly after birth. She was a little fighter.

Then the tense hours, days, weeks, and maybe months began. That same evening, my husband went to look at our girl in the neonatology ward while I took a nap to recover from the birth. He came back to my hospital room with red, runny eyes.. he had to tell his wife the impossible. The neonatologist had performed the standard checks that are always done for babies admitted to this ward and, to her great shock, there were 'irregularities' visible in our girl's brain. Then our world crumbled for the second time in 5 months. At that moment, we knew it was over. To be sure of the severity of the damage, an MRI was done on our girl on Tuesday, which clearly showed that both hemispheres of the brain, from front to back, were damaged. The radiologist could clearly see that these were 'old' damages that had occurred during the pregnancy and thus (unfortunately) not during the birth. Old brain damage cannot improve anymore, whereas relatively new damage can. The damage was so severe that our girl would never be able to lead a human life. The brain damage occurred during the pregnancy as a result of the reduced pumping function of our girl's heart due to leakage caused by the misplaced tricuspid valve.

My husband and I then said to each other that it was okay like this, our girl was allowed to find her deserved rest. Of course, parents always have the final decision to stop treatment, but it didn't feel like a choice we had to make for us at all. Apart from the fact that the doctors indicated they didn't dare to take on this trajectory with a child who already had serious brain damage, it was good for us like this. She got to show that she was truly an incredibly strong, beautiful, and special girl whom we are intensely

We lost our first baby boy in 2008. In the last weeks I had a feeling something was wrong. The OB minimized this, and at 39.5 weeks our baby boy was stillborn. Later it turned out that my placenta probably wasn't working properly anymore... I changed OBs.

After giving birth to our son, I didn't use contraception and I was pregnant again after 7 months.

It was an incredibly tough pregnancy, and I managed to convince the OB to induce labor at 37 weeks.

I now have one precious baby boy and three perfectly healthy daughters, all of whom were induced 3 weeks early. None of these daughters has had any problems because of it.

It will be tough, but you have an angel watching over you to make sure everything will go well!

Did you contact the Inspectorate about this and get a lawyer involved to hold them accountable? I understand it's hard to let go because you're so devastated by it, but in this country, they play with the lives of babies in the womb! Too cautious a policy because they blindly believe in natural birth, even when they already know the baby is too big! And it's all about money again!
Read:
https://www.nrc.nl/nieuws/2016/04/22/het-is-een-prachtig-kind-waarom-is-hij-overleden-1609177-a1134638

Dear everyone,
I see that the messages are from a while ago. Still, I wanted to respond! ... because what a heavy thing it is to have to go through this in life!
I became a mom to a beautiful little boy and girl! A twin seemed like a miracle, but unfortunately, it brought a lot of sorrow and pain. Our little boy was born dead, and our daughter passed away 1.5 hours later! The pain and grief are immense! It feels like an impossible task to process it and even find a place for it! But despite all the pain and sorrow, your tears will eventually run out! We will never forget them! No one will ever be able to replace them! But a new baby will surely fill our emptiness a little? Now we are a mom and dad with empty hands. While we so desperately want to care for them, I would gladly stay up all night for them and change their stinky diapers! But now we have to move on and try to go for it again. With all the fear and uncertainty, we must fight for a beautiful new beginning... And I think no one should blame you or you all for trying to pick up your lives. Because they don't feel or know what you've been through. For yourselves, you know that it seems like an impossible task....
But we are stronger than we sometimes think when we have to survive.

Hi,
We had to say goodbye to our little girl at 39 weeks.
Two weeks before, during a check-up, everything was perfect! It was already hard for us to get pregnant, and then I had to let her go. It’s been 7 months now, and I miss her so much. I feel this emptiness inside. As much as I’d love another baby, I definitely don’t want to replace her—she’ll always be my first child, and I’ll never forget her. I keep wondering what to do: should I wait or try again now? I also don’t want any future child to feel like they shouldn’t have been born if their sibling were still alive, because we really only want one child.
In the meantime, we’ve done a lot of tests, and everything points to a natural loss... It’s so hard to accept. My mind keeps going to: what if I had given birth earlier? Maybe it wouldn’t have happened this way... My husband also says: you shouldn’t ask yourself those questions because this could have happened when she was two weeks old too... I still cry for her every day.

@anoniem what a huge mistake they made, seriously. If you say that if he had been born one week earlier he would have lived... I would be absolutely furious. Can you even file a complaint? Though of course, that won't bring your son back Sending you lots of strength to cope with this unbearable loss.

@ BabyNr3 thanks for your reply!
Yeah, I sometimes think about that too. But it seems like so much energy and time go into it. That could easily turn into a 10-year process. And what you say, we won't get our son back because of it. I'm focusing on processing our grief first. As much as you can process something like this. And then I'll look at everything again and consider it.
I actually wouldn't even be able to confront my own gynecologist about it. After all, she followed the described guidelines. "Due to lack of research and evidence, do not apply intervention to these abnormal values, to prevent the risk of overtreatment." But looking back, I've researched so much and see that there is indeed a connection between these values and the chance of bad outcomes. It's just that there hasn't been enough research to prove it. But unfortunately, I only found out about that afterwards because I completely trusted the hospital during the decisions they made. I find it incomprehensible that they take risks when there are connections. I wrote a week earlier, but even stronger, it even comes down to a day earlier and he would have still been alive. (Endorsed by another gynecologist). Due to the condition, he ended up in a situation where he suddenly got no more oxygen. That proved fatal for him. Something like this should simply be preventable through continuous monitoring. And then it can also be prevented, that's the worst part.
The question is to what extent I would stand strong in this case, because she can justify her decision with the existing guidelines she followed. I'm mainly very angry at the hospital that these guidelines exist at all. Every baby that dies is one too many. I'd rather have too much intervention than too little! But apparently, that's not how it works. And you can expect a bit extra from an academic hospital. I could just as well have been under control in primary care.