Baby wish
Getting pregnant after stillbirth
MoiGuest ·
Hi, that's really sad... I haven't experienced it myself, but people around me have. I personally find it very special when you get pregnant again after that. I don't see anything wrong with it. You don't forget your deceased child; you can actually honor them by telling your new baby about their brother or sister. Strength in processing...
Replies
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Iza #2
I don't have experience with this either, but I can imagine you might feel 'guilty' when you can finally enjoy your new baby, something you couldn't do with your deceased child. I would definitely, like Moi says, tell your future children about their deceased sibling, so that the baby truly becomes part of your family.
I wish you both lots of strength and luck in the future, and I hope you'll soon welcome a new baby into your family! -
liena #3
hey, mamavansteryelena
first of all, i want to wish you lots of strength to process your grief, even though it’s been 3 years already. it’s just hard when you lose your baby. we also lost our first daughter at 24 weeks pregnant and have never felt as bad as we did then. now it’s been 3 years and i’ve processed it well. i believe that nothing happens for no reason, no matter how hard, painful or difficult it is.
now i’ve just given birth to our son and find myself wondering more often how it would have been if our Saana were still here. the big sister of our Yunis. i don’t feel guilty towards her because life goes on and we shouldn’t stand still because of the loss; she wouldn’t want that either. i think she’s just super happy with her little brother. when Yunis gets a bit older and understands more about everything, i’ll tell him about his big sister too. everyone around us was very understanding and received lots of positive reactions to my new pregnancy, but i have to be honest that i was very insecure and scared until those weeks passed.
follow your heart, i’d say
love, liena -
mamavansteryelena #4
Thanks for your reply. It feels good to know that there are people who think there's nothing wrong with it. Because indeed, it's not about replacing or forgetting our daughter, that's just impossible. But I'm afraid some people might think otherwise... -
mamavansteryelena #5
We'll definitely keep talking about her. She'll always be our baby and a very important part of our family. Thanks for the support! -
mamavansteryelena #6
Hi Liena,
That’s so awful that you had to go through that too. We lost our little girl in September 2012. Her brother is already 3 years old. I think it’s beautiful that you can think like this. Even though I’d love to welcome another child into our family, I feel guilty. But maybe mostly because I’m afraid people might think that means I’ve already moved on. Which I probably never will. She’ll always be our second child. I’m scared people will forget her, especially if we have a third child. So I’m really glad to hear you got positive reactions to your new pregnancy! It would mean so much to me if people could understand and support me. Let’s hope it goes the same for us... Because I know I’ll never have a carefree pregnancy again. -
liena #7
hello mamavansteryelena
it only happened so recently. i had read it wrong. i asked my gynecologist the second to last time if there was still a chance that something would happen in your pregnancy from 20 weeks. 1 in 100 she said. we never expected to be that one. our daughter was born on december 31, 2009, a day never to be forgotten. also a day that was supposed to be very cozy turned into a nightmare. my new pregnancy lasted about 2 years and also had a miscarriage right away. i thought a child was not laid out for me. right after the miscarriage i was pregnant again and that's where our yunis came from.
you know people always have something to say. i also wanted to get pregnant again quickly and resume everything as quickly as possible (work and so on) my gynecologist did say that i shouldn't rush past it. but for me it was the best to process everything. just come among people. and of course you also have those people who look at you and then follow you around talking to friends or your colleagues just to say how pitiful they find you and especially that they don't find it normal that you're working again so soon.
you really shouldn't lose sleep over what people say or think. some just always have commentary. and everyone processes everything in their own way anyway.
if you think you're ready for it i would just go for it. after all it's your little family and you have to build on each other. those other people aren't going to do that for you. so let all those people talk all they want
love liena -
mamavansteryelena #8
Thanks Liena,
You'd start thinking it's not meant to be for you. But we don't want to let our fears take over. The longing for a child is stronger. But I'll feel at ease once I have my baby in my arms.
Everyone processes things differently, indeed. I need to accept that there will always be both positive and negative reactions. I promise myself to just keep going with people who are positive about it. The others I clearly don't need. I'll keep you updated ... x -
lindsey Guest #9
I also had to give up on my daughter in February. At the 26-week checkup, it turned out her heart had stopped beating. Still, I really want a baby, so we went for it again right away. Of course, no result yet. But I do have faith here. And people who want to talk nonsense don't interest me at all—they don't understand how it feels when you get nothing for all your efforts. -
M #10
We had to say goodbye to our little girl at 21 weeks of pregnancy. She turned out to have trisomy. My first reaction was that since we already had one healthy daughter, we’d stop there. But very quickly, the desire for a second child had actually grown even stronger. After two months, we tried again and it was immediate success. I’m now 10 weeks pregnant. I should mention that emotionally, it’s heavier than I expected. You have that experience, and you carry it with you for the rest of your life.
Our family knows. One reacted very happily, while the other was shocked. One understands the fear, but the other just bluntly says you yourselves chose to get pregnant again so soon. You have to see this as something special and not bring the old feelings along. Easy to say, we think. We’ve made our own choice. We feel good about this, and the rest can deal with it. It’s our life, not theirs.
I definitely have feelings of guilt towards our other child. When I’m alone, I look up at the sky and say, “I will never forget you, you’ll always be in my heart!” You were so wanted, we wanted to keep you with us so badly, but it wasn’t possible. That’s just how it is. It might sound strange that I do this, but it helps because we’ve told our daughter that her sister is now in the clouds. -
M #11
Mamavansteryelena How are things now? Have you two been able to make a decision about what you want?
Love, Mamavan2 -
Iza #12
Heard something beautiful recently about children who have passed away; two to care for, three to love. -
M #13
That's exactly it, Iza. You'll always love that one child who is no longer here. -
kayra Guest #14
Here too, a stillborn baby at 26 weeks. I was pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, but unfortunately, our girl Noa didn't make it. It's so hard to go through something like this! My kids were born at 32 weeks due to pre-eclampsia, so we were naturally terrified of losing our son too, but after 5 weeks in the NICU, our son was finally allowed to come home. -
mamavansteyena #15
It hurts to hear that you also lost your little girl. It’s been a year and a half for us now, and it still hurts terribly... -
mamavansteyena #16
Sorry for your loss. I also struggled for a while with the thought of raising our son alone after losing our daughter. But I just couldn't accept that. We always wanted more than one child. And yes, his sister was born, and she always belongs with us. But my son remains here alone... Congratulations on your new pregnancy! I wish you a healthy baby! -
mamavansteyena #17
Five months after our daughter was born, I was pregnant again. It wasn’t a carefree pregnancy, but I knew that beforehand. Mentally and physically, it was a tough pregnancy. The fear still overwhelms you. In the end, our third child, another little boy, was born healthy at 37 weeks. It made up for a lot; he brought us joy again, and we could once again deeply enjoy the little things. But it certainly didn’t erase the grief for our girl. Every day, there’s at least one moment when tears roll down my cheeks... -
mamavansteyena #18
I'm so deeply with you. Our girl was also 26 weeks... It's been a year and a half now, but I still remember exactly how I felt. Time heals many wounds, but I don't think the loss of your child can truly heal. Sending you lots of strength! -
Amy_cyan #19
Dear,
I lost my little boy after nearly 35 weeks of pregnancy! I feel emotionally wrecked at times! I already have a daughter who is almost 3.5 years old. Our wish for another child is very strong, but we are really very scared that it might go wrong again. -
jola Guest #20
I just gave birth, I was 21 weeks pregnant then my water broke out of nowhere. My daughter passed away the next day. They did tests on me, but I'm completely fine, I'm healthy. I'm devastated. I'd really like an answer, what went wrong? I wish everyone strength, it's a really hard and heavy time for me. I'm really down.
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