Mothers
No more fun with the kids
MeikeGuest ·
Hello dear visitors,
I feel quite ashamed of my story and feelings. Unfortunately, we've had turbulent years: a busy renovation, a young child, couldn't get pregnant, and after a long journey, we became happy parents of a boy 6 months ago. Complete and happy. Unfortunately, shortly after, my husband was hit by a burnout, my mother by a severe depression, and my sister became seriously ill. My postpartum period has been a gray area, and I've had a lot of sadness because this period didn't become the long-awaited beautiful time. Now I'm back at work, things are going well, I love my 32-hour job, but I've been feeling tired for a while now. My husband is back on the right track and recovering well, but I still need to be careful with him.
Now, for some reason, since about 3 weeks ago, I've lost interest in the kids. Everything they do gives me the creeps. I feel incredibly unhappy at home and would rather be rid of them (sorry, sorry for these terrible words). I just don't have the energy to care for them (of course I do, but out of duty and without feeling). On the days I work, I feel better—no worries, no noise, just me. If there's even a little sound, my hair stands on end. (So sorry for these harsh words; this isn't who I am.)
I feel so sad about these feelings. I'm so grateful for my two beautiful children, but I don't feel that way anymore. I'm fed up and feel incredibly guilty toward the kids, especially our 4-year-old girl who feels my moods. I try to pull myself together, but I'm so tired; even in the morning when I wake up, it's lead-heavy.
Who knows this? What should I do? Don't judge me, please. I want to feel again, to enjoy it, but I've lost that feeling and feel so bad about it.
I feel quite ashamed of my story and feelings. Unfortunately, we've had turbulent years: a busy renovation, a young child, couldn't get pregnant, and after a long journey, we became happy parents of a boy 6 months ago. Complete and happy. Unfortunately, shortly after, my husband was hit by a burnout, my mother by a severe depression, and my sister became seriously ill. My postpartum period has been a gray area, and I've had a lot of sadness because this period didn't become the long-awaited beautiful time. Now I'm back at work, things are going well, I love my 32-hour job, but I've been feeling tired for a while now. My husband is back on the right track and recovering well, but I still need to be careful with him.
Now, for some reason, since about 3 weeks ago, I've lost interest in the kids. Everything they do gives me the creeps. I feel incredibly unhappy at home and would rather be rid of them (sorry, sorry for these terrible words). I just don't have the energy to care for them (of course I do, but out of duty and without feeling). On the days I work, I feel better—no worries, no noise, just me. If there's even a little sound, my hair stands on end. (So sorry for these harsh words; this isn't who I am.)
I feel so sad about these feelings. I'm so grateful for my two beautiful children, but I don't feel that way anymore. I'm fed up and feel incredibly guilty toward the kids, especially our 4-year-old girl who feels my moods. I try to pull myself together, but I'm so tired; even in the morning when I wake up, it's lead-heavy.
Who knows this? What should I do? Don't judge me, please. I want to feel again, to enjoy it, but I've lost that feeling and feel so bad about it.
Replies
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Konijntje #2
Hi Meike,
You’ve been through such a tough time, with so much going on for the important people around you, and maybe you’ve even been shortchanged yourself. It’s really good that you’ve decided to share this, with anyone or anyone at all. It sounds like you might be depressed, or at least overwhelmed. I’d suggest making an appointment with your GP on Monday, and then figuring out together how you can best move forward. As you say yourself, this isn’t who you are at all, so hold on to that.
Try talking to someone close to you about this in the meantime, so you’re not dealing with it all alone. And try doing things now and then that help you relax. Maybe this will give you a little escape from these gloomy/negative thoughts and feelings.
Wishing you lots of strength! -
Anonymous Guest #3
It's so brave of you to be honest about this. That's step 1. Don't be too hard on yourself; it's completely normal that you're burnt out and can't cope anymore. It shows in how you interact with your kids.
Step 1: go to your GP, and be honest about how you're feeling. It sounds like postnatal depression.
Be kind to yourself. -
Anonymous Guest #4
Hi Meike,
I totally relate to this, except I haven't experienced other things with my family like you mentioned. I get angry at the kids really quickly, I yell at them and have the urge to hit them. Sometimes I give them a light smack, but I would never hurt them to the point where they cry. Right after, I feel guilty and don't understand myself. I wasn't like this before; I feel like a terrible mother because 9 out of 10 times I'm so good with the kids, but sometimes something snaps inside me, especially when the youngest won't drink. Then I just lose it..
I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, since the birth of my youngest 7 months ago.
I feel like a failure and I don't deserve our kids. I love them with all my heart and I don't understand how I can act like this, but I'm working on it and sometimes it goes really well, but sometimes I take a step back.
Seek help, hope you can enjoy your kids again soon.
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