From 1 to 2 kids

Hey FIFI, you probably know me from the March NOD group; I was going by the name Lylytje. I gave birth in November, and now we're on round 2. After an early miscarriage in September, we're trying for baby number 4. My son just turned 1 too. If you feel ready, why not? What do your friend or partner think?

Yes, of course, it's a big change in your life. I have three kids—12, 9, and 1 year old—and now we're expecting number 4, so I definitely don't have time for hobbies anymore. Some moms can manage to organize things, but I can't. I work until 12, have to pick up my little one at 2, and by the time I get home, it's cleaning and tidying up. Then the older kids come home at 4 for homework, bath, and dinner. Unfortunately, there's no time for me.

I said that 9 years ago too hahaha

That's really something you two need to decide together.
But I do understand both of your points of view.
I don't want to scare you, but I know someone who wanted to add one more and ended up pregnant with triplets hihi. The chance is of course not very big, but still possible.

Good luck with your choice .. I also think 1 is nice, but everyone should be happy in their own way.

Hey hey,
We always said we wanted 2 kids. One can sometimes feel so alone. We didn’t think the difference between having one and having two was that big. And later on, if we’re not around anymore, they’ll still have each other.
Then we had a third wish for a child, and that turned into 2 babies at once so we went from 2 to 4 kids. It took some getting used to, but now it’s totally normal

In the end, just follow your heart; those hobbies will work out fine. After my second was born, I got back into volleyball, picked up my HBO studies again, and work 24 hours a week. Volleyball is on hold due to corona for now, but it's lovely; the kids are asleep in the evening anyway. Regarding childcare, I didn't notice much difference going from one to two; the only thing was dividing the time. But when I see how much my eldest has changed because of it—sharing everything with her little brother and really looking after him —she plays police officer sometimes, but that's also just due to her age (my daughter is 3 and builds things, while my son of 1 knocks them down). It's doubly worth it for me, and I still have my hobbies I hope they stay close to each other later on, even when we're old, for example. Not everything has to come down to one thing.

Actually, I've said from the start that I wanted at least 2. My husband wanted 3. Now we're at the point where we'll see what happens and we want to, why not? We've been trying for a 2nd since this month. Yeah, I have those thoughts too, but you'll find your rhythm naturally, you had to find that with your 1st kid anyway.
It's really something you need to think about yourselves, but for us it was always pretty much a given, 2 anyway.
I still manage to get my things done. Less during the day, or not at all, but when they're asleep I have the evening. Yeah, I game less, but I also have less desire for it. I keep myself busy with other things instead. Those hobbies will come back.

I used to really want 3 kids, but now that we have 2, I realize this is enough.
I absolutely adore them, but I'll honestly admit that it's exhausting haha!
Our son (now 8 months old) was born when our daughter was about 2 years old. I found those first months really tough, because our 2-year-old daughter has a pretty strong will and sometimes acts up!
I think it also depends on how much you work. My husband works full-time (38 hours, 5 days), and I work 4 days, 32 hours. After work, we pick up the kids from daycare, play together a bit, give the youngest some milk, eat with the oldest, change diapers here and there... the evening is over before you know it. By the time they're both in bed (8 PM), we still have to clean up the toys, do some household chores, and then I'm often really tired haha!
So, we don't really have much time for hobbies anymore...
But on the other hand, I have to admit that things are getting better and better. The youngest is finally sleeping through the night, crying less... especially the first 6 months were really exhausting.

But I'm happy that we have two kids. Because I'm so in love with both of them. And I hope that they'll have each other a lot, both in their childhood and later on!

An1990 I think that's also how you divide it. During the week we don't do any housework except maybe start a load of laundry or the dishwasher. On weekends we always do the bigger tasks, so to speak, so that our evenings are just for ourselves.

Everyone has their own preferences at every age xD. When my son was born, my bonus daughter was 4 (3 months later she was 5), and you get that difference, so you end up mothering everything, which can drive you crazy xD.

The amount of work is also quite different here; it's a bit calmer. My husband works 36 hours (officially 40 but with 4 hours of parental leave per week), and I work 24 hours. I work 8 to 10 days in a row, with the first 4 always being long days. After that, I work shorter hours, so I still have the afternoons with my son or, if you'd like, for yourself.

All in all, it's really about looking at your own situation and what you really want.

The difference between having 1 and 2 kids was a huge relief for us. I had some fears about it, but having a second one is really manageable.

Hi Fifi,
Don't worry too much about having time for yourself. It really just depends on how you manage your schedule. I didn't find the transition from 1 to 2 and then from 2 to 3 all that bad at all.

I still work 3 days a week, go to my theater group once a week in the evening, meet up with friends, and follow an extra HBO course. Otherwise, many evenings are spent together with my husband on the couch, and on my days off + weekends I have nice time with the kids. We do the housework together in between. Babysitting for one evening away is the same for 1 as it is for 2 or 3; the sitter sits comfortably on the couch

If you want to do both, it will really work out fine!

Good luck with your choice!