Forum Mothers

I sometimes feel like I can't go on...

8 replies

Linde_88
Our little one was born 2 months ago. A beautiful, healthy baby with the typical baby ailments, but otherwise everything is going well. We're now slowly weaning because breastfeeding isn't going so well anymore and it's more practical since I'm going back to work. Meanwhile, we're also renovating a house (that we don't live in yet). My partner used to do this with his dad, but his dad passed away suddenly last year, so my partner is now doing a lot of it himself. So he's not home much and spends a lot of his evenings and weekends on the renovations. I completely understand this and support his decision to have our house finished as soon as possible.

I really enjoy seeing our baby and I truly enjoy our little moments together. She's a delight and has stolen my heart completely!

But sometimes I have such gloomy thoughts and don't feel like it in the evenings... Then I think it would have been better without our baby. Just the two of us again. The thought that I'll now, for example, spend a whole evening alone with her really makes me feel down (Evenings are also the hardest, then she has her crying spells). I'd rather crawl into bed, without the idea that there's a little creature completely dependent on me who needs food and care every so often.... And it's not that I can't get help. I can rely on my parents and mother-in-law and they do come by regularly. And then I'm really glad to have them take her for a while. But in my head they're constantly present. There's always a little voice wondering if everything is okay, if she's getting enough to eat and sleeping enough, etc.... I feel like I can't/want to talk to anyone (other than my partner). Not with family or friends. I don't want to admit that I can't handle it all and that I underestimated it. I also feel bad that I sometimes miss the time without our child.... And I currently see no end to this "difficult period". I think it will only get heavier and I can never really "switch off" or empty my head completely...

I hope other moms can also relate to my story and maybe have some tips or encouraging words?

Greetings

Replies

  1. Anonymous Guest #2

    Oh, sweetheart! First of all, a big hug and congratulations!!!

    You must be having such a hard time. Just a new mom and basically taking care of your baby all by yourself, and everything else around it. Of course, that's too much. Maybe you can ask your partner if they can be home at least one fixed evening a week for your daughter and for you.

    Of course, your mind is with your baby when someone else is taking care of them. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's completely normal. Maybe you can see if you can talk to the practice support worker through your GP. That way, you can open up and let your heart out on Sunday.

    Wishing you lots of strength.

  2. Sofie #3

    That's really tough to hear. I think every mom has hard days and gets emotional sometimes. The important thing is that you have more good moments and can truly enjoy everything. I have a 4-week-old baby and two other kids, 3 and 5, so I've got some experience with motherhood by now. Of course, I sometimes think: phew, I'm tired and just want to sleep. Or: I need some time for myself. But that's about it, and honestly, I keep enjoying my family, even though it's hard work. So I can't really imagine how you're feeling right now, but it sounds really heavy and tough for you.

    Reading your story, I'd advise you to go to your GP and share how you're feeling. I think it's wise to seek professional help here.

    Sending lots of strength and good luck!

  3. Kaja #4

    Hi girl,
    First of all, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I just want to give you a little encouragement and say that it really does get better. I felt the same way for a while with our daughter and felt really guilty about it. Like you mentioned, you wonder how your child is doing when you're not there, but at the same time, it's hard being with your child. Now she's 15 months old, and I can say that I've been really enjoying having our daughter around for quite a while now, even in the evenings. It might seem like this period will never end, but it will. I hope you start feeling better soon and that things become easier for you. Like anonymous said, maybe talking to your GP or someone else could help. Wishing you lots of luck, and hopefully, you'll feel better soon.

  4. Anne #5

    Hey, I’d also like to offer you some encouraging words. Those first weeks can just be incredibly tough, especially with a renovation going on and feeding not going super smoothly. It’s normal to worry when she’s not with you, even if you do need some freedom. From my experience, it really does get better. Maybe soon when you start working again, or otherwise when the little girl gets bigger. They often become easier (in my experience) around 3 months and definitely by 4 months, though that might sound like a long way off for you right now. This might sound really silly, but that real baby phase sometimes gives me a claustrophobic feeling. It disappeared with my daughter around 4 months and completely when she could walk herself at 1 year. Wonderful! Now I have a 5-month-old boy too and can’t wait until he’s 1. Even though I do enjoy him. They really do get easier, more fun, and more interactive. If your feelings persist or you’re doubting whether it’s all okay, then do drop by the GP. Not that anything’s wrong, but maybe she can reassure you or just give that little extra help so you can enjoy it more A big hug.

  5. Linde_88 started this #6

    Thank you all for your kind words and understanding. It feels good to know that I'm not alone with my feelings. Meanwhile, I've talked about it again with my partner, and we've agreed that on the evenings when he's home, he'll try to spend more time with us as a family of three. I've also talked to my cousin about it. She has young kids too and really understood me.

    It's mainly in the evenings that I find it really tough. During the day, everything's fine and I can truly enjoy our little moments together. I do often feel lonely though. I'm normally a very social person, and I'm really starting to miss my social life and colleagues.

    I think the heavy fatigue just weighs more heavily on me in the evenings. I'm going to try resting more during the day and not over-scheduling (though I'll occasionally go out for a bit to clear my head ).

    Kind regards,
    A still somewhat hormonal and tired mom

  6. Linde_88 started this #7

    Hi everyone,

    We went back to the GP to see if there's really nothing wrong. Luckily, everything is fine Our little one is very alert, and according to the doctor, this leads to her being overstimulated in the afternoon and evening. So she basically just needs lots of comfort, wants to be cuddled a lot, and definitely doesn't want to be alone. She also mentioned that it can be very exhausting for me, since I'm basically always busy feeding and comforting the baby.

    It felt good to share my story with a "professional" and hear that my instincts were right, and that our baby has an extra need for her mama. I'll try to ring the alarm bell in time so I can make some time for myself.

    Thanks again for the kind words! I've also talked about it with my friends, but every baby and every story is so different that they couldn't give me any tips I haven't already tried.

  7. Anonymous Guest #8

    Dear mama,
    I have 3 children. 15, 5 and 3. And they all have an extra need for their mama. That's part of it. Mama is safe, mama is home, mama is with those who feel safe.
    Especially when they are tired.
    Often young parents have a completely wrong image. This through stories, averages and expectations. I did too with the first.

    Let go and follow your child. They know best what they need. Just like you know what you need yourself.

    Give yourself a big hug and go with the flow of your child.

  8. Maris Guest #9

    Hi there,

    How are you doing now?
    I'm experiencing exactly the same thing with my baby, who's almost 11 weeks old. It started about 4 weeks ago, and I've been feeling very emotional and crying a lot. Then I wonder how I'm going to get through this and if it will get better????

    My girl is doing so well, so I don't understand myself either, and I don't know why I'm feeling this way right now.

    I really hope it gets better in another couple of months.

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.