From Baby to Toddler
Baby 5w sleeps not at night
Aardbei
Hi everyone, I'm coming to you for advice because I'm feeling quite desperate. Hopefully I don't get too many negative comments and find some encouragement.
Daughter is now 5 weeks old and has been breastfeeding every 2 hours since birth, sometimes 3 hours, and once 4 hours in between. Same at night.
One of her good nights looks like this for example: feeds at 9pm, 11:30pm, 2:15am, 3:45am, 6:15am, 7:30am, 9am. Why is this good? Because she fell back asleep in her own crib half an hour after starting each feed until the next one. So I managed to get some 2-hour blocks of sleep.
One of her bad nights looks like this: 9pm, 12am, awake until 2am, 3:30am, sleep but wakes up crying every 20 minutes, 5:45am but not really because she's not hungry, 6:15am to 7:30am groaning every 15 minutes, 7:30am, falls asleep on me until 9am.
My expectations are very low. I'm insanely jealous of moms with babies who sleep 6 hours straight, but if it's only 2 hours here and there's nothing I can do about it, I'll endure that. But preferably with a few sleep blocks, not just 1 or 2, and not spending the rest of the time sitting with a crying baby.
What I've already tried: 'safe to sleep' on me, she maybe groans a bit less or stays asleep a bit longer, but not really a wow difference. We always swaddle, tried without too, don't see much difference. I try to limit stimuli, maximize wake time, help her fall asleep on her own...
The midwife suggested a pacifier to space out feeds because she usually only drinks from one breast, to go to 2 breasts every 3 hours instead of every 2 hours and reduce possible tummy discomfort. I did that for 3 days, but stopped because she couldn't latch properly anymore, apparently she's sensitive to nipple confusion. I'll try again in a few weeks.
I feel like I'm failing as a mother, constantly reading and searching for what I can do differently. I'm exhausted. When she cries again, sometimes I put my hand over my head for a minute and think 'nooo please be quiet'. When I pick her up, she doesn't stop immediately and I ask her 'what's wrong, what's wrong..' usually rocking and walking is the only thing that helps. I don't get angry at her, but sometimes I become apathetic and that feels super gross. At first I couldn't bear hearing her cry and had to comfort her as quickly as possible. Now I'm so tired that one ear goes in and the other out, and it takes a while before I snap into action or find the courage and energy.
That's actually why I'm coming to you for advice. Because I'm afraid of that feeling, emotionally and psychologically.
I'll probably go for omeprazole later too. Yes, she refluxes regularly, is it reflux? No idea, but she doesn't feel well and it can't hurt so I might as well try.
Anyone with a golden tip?
Daughter is now 5 weeks old and has been breastfeeding every 2 hours since birth, sometimes 3 hours, and once 4 hours in between. Same at night.
One of her good nights looks like this for example: feeds at 9pm, 11:30pm, 2:15am, 3:45am, 6:15am, 7:30am, 9am. Why is this good? Because she fell back asleep in her own crib half an hour after starting each feed until the next one. So I managed to get some 2-hour blocks of sleep.
One of her bad nights looks like this: 9pm, 12am, awake until 2am, 3:30am, sleep but wakes up crying every 20 minutes, 5:45am but not really because she's not hungry, 6:15am to 7:30am groaning every 15 minutes, 7:30am, falls asleep on me until 9am.
My expectations are very low. I'm insanely jealous of moms with babies who sleep 6 hours straight, but if it's only 2 hours here and there's nothing I can do about it, I'll endure that. But preferably with a few sleep blocks, not just 1 or 2, and not spending the rest of the time sitting with a crying baby.
What I've already tried: 'safe to sleep' on me, she maybe groans a bit less or stays asleep a bit longer, but not really a wow difference. We always swaddle, tried without too, don't see much difference. I try to limit stimuli, maximize wake time, help her fall asleep on her own...
The midwife suggested a pacifier to space out feeds because she usually only drinks from one breast, to go to 2 breasts every 3 hours instead of every 2 hours and reduce possible tummy discomfort. I did that for 3 days, but stopped because she couldn't latch properly anymore, apparently she's sensitive to nipple confusion. I'll try again in a few weeks.
I feel like I'm failing as a mother, constantly reading and searching for what I can do differently. I'm exhausted. When she cries again, sometimes I put my hand over my head for a minute and think 'nooo please be quiet'. When I pick her up, she doesn't stop immediately and I ask her 'what's wrong, what's wrong..' usually rocking and walking is the only thing that helps. I don't get angry at her, but sometimes I become apathetic and that feels super gross. At first I couldn't bear hearing her cry and had to comfort her as quickly as possible. Now I'm so tired that one ear goes in and the other out, and it takes a while before I snap into action or find the courage and energy.
That's actually why I'm coming to you for advice. Because I'm afraid of that feeling, emotionally and psychologically.
I'll probably go for omeprazole later too. Yes, she refluxes regularly, is it reflux? No idea, but she doesn't feel well and it can't hurt so I might as well try.
Anyone with a golden tip?
Replies
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Jo Guest #2
Even if you've already tried a pacifier, I still think it could be a sucking need. My son had this too, really badly. I was a big opponent of pacifiers. But on advice, I bought one anyway. And this already made a lot of difference. Of course, a 5-week-old baby will root more often, but this of yours seems very similar to what I experienced. Bibi pacifier didn't work for my son. Avent did. Good luck! -
Puck #3
My daughter also came on very often in the first weeks. Often it was just a sucking need. You don't have to give a pacifier, but you can also let her suck on your finger. That helped us too. And you can make a plan with your husband that he also takes a turn. If you've fed her at 2 o'clock, she should be able to go until 4-5 o'clock. Until then, he can also give her a bottle to help her fall asleep or until she's really hungry again. That way you also get a little bit of sleep. -
Denise Kerber #4
Oh my, that's so intense! I totally get why you feel like you're failing as a mom right now, but you're absolutely not a bad mother. I know the drama all too well—my daughter had a cow's milk allergy at 9 weeks, which is why she slept so poorly. Switching formula and swaddling really helped us. Even if you think a dummy won't work now, it can satisfy her sucking need and eventually help her sleep better in the long run. Don't lose hope, girl—it'll get better, but you need to stick with it and not give up! -
Babytje4 #5
Hey, with my son it was the same during the first nights, exhausting for me because he woke up every 2 or sometimes 3 hours. But if you count, he’s constantly eating for 40 minutes, then we have to burp him and change him, so an hour passes quickly. So if he woke up at 1 am, by 2 am it was done, and by 3 or 4 am he was back again. Now he’s 2 months old this Thursday, and it’s much better. He now wakes up every 4 hours, sometimes still 3, but mostly closer to 4 or 5 hours. I can sleep more now because at the beginning I was exhausted, like a zombie. Still not fully recovered, no full nights yet, but hey, it’s part of it. I find it so cozy being with him because they grow up so fast; he’s already 2 months old, oooooh. What I can’t do is leave it all to my husband at night because I’m breastfeeding, and he has to wake up at 4 am to go to work, so I wouldn’t want to do that to him. I can rest during the day while on my maternity leave, but he can’t. Good luck, it will get better. And those sleepless nights are forgotten quickly when you look at your little one. He can see better now, and I get at least 100 smiles a day when I talk to him; I melt every time. -
Aardbei started this #6
Thanks for your support!
- The dream rhythm is indeed a good tip, I had already started with it, I'm halfway through! The tips mainly apply from 2 months onwards she writes, but it did give me some insights into wake time and signals.
- My husband helps a lot on the weekends, but during the week I want to leave him alone because he has to go to work.
- I find a pacifier definitely useful, but the 3 days I used it, she didn't breastfeed well anymore. She apparently couldn't latch on properly anymore and my breasts felt constantly engorged. So it seemed to me that she couldn't make that nipple-pacifier switch. As soon as I stopped using the pacifier, feeding went better again. I'll try it again soon when she's a bit older.
My GP prescribed omeprazole. She cried a lot and vomited a lot today during the day, so I'm going to start with that.
Indeed those jumps, I think there's one now for 2 days because it's much heavier than the first weeks and she suddenly has acne which she didn't have before, so something must be going on.
I've found some courage again. (She's also finally calm again for 20 minutes and smiles happily and looks around calmly, lovely) I'm writing down the feeds and sleeps and the midwife is coming on Friday to discuss. The feeling that I'm doing something wrong still remains though. Hopefully get better and thanks for the support! -
Anne #7
So relatable, and I think you're handling it well. My son cried so much during the first 8 weeks that I got headaches as soon as he started again, and I felt more stress and frustration than compassion. Don't feel bad about that; those first weeks are just tough, especially with so much restlessness at night. How is feeding going? Any issues with cracked nipples, nipple deformation, frequent unlatching, choking, or restless drinking? It really does get better. With my first, it truly improved at 4 months when I switched to formula. But at 5 weeks, things turned around when I went dairy-free (he was screaming all evening and had a rash). My youngest couldn't latch and had pumped milk with a special diet. He only improved when I switched to a specialized formula. I don't think it was the formula itself but rather removing the source of the allergies. My son also took formula and still fed every 2.5 to 3 hours, and now at 14 weeks, he's starting to go for longer stretches. I'm crossing my fingers that the omeprazole helps. If symptoms worsen, you could see if a certain type of formula makes a difference. If latching or drinking isn't going well, I'd consult an IBCLC lactation consultant. My experience is that my kids definitely became easier from the 8-week growth spurt onwards. Good luck! You can do this.
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