1st trimester
Unintentionally pregnant, help!!!
LouiseGuest ·
UNINTENTIONALLY PREGNANT, HELP!
Hi ladies,
First of all, I really appreciate it if other girls with similar experiences can 'help' me out here.
So I am PREGNANT. Currently 5 weeks and it's still very early. I'm not together with the father, who already has a daughter. We knew each other for a short time and it didn't seem to be going anywhere serious. Well, safe sex wasn't safe anymore and as a precaution I took the morning-after pill. This didn't work though and I saw a plus sign appear on the pregnancy test with trembling hands. My world collapsed. It's my biggest wish to become a mother, but not this way, not with him and I don't want an abortion because I find it painful, I think I'll regret it and it goes against my principles. 2 times it could have been prevented and then you just think this is how it should be. Anyway I don't want to keep it and I don't want to terminate it. I find it so incredibly hard that I have the choice in my hands. I never have that choice, and I never wanted to make it either.
The father absolutely does not want it and he prefers that I have 'it' removed. I'm thinking differently about it every day and I've given myself a deadline until next Sunday. I don't think I can live with myself if I perform an abortion and at the same time I deserve myself and a baby more than this. I'm really at my wit's end... I have such a strong desire for children and I see it as a miracle and at the same time I experience it as a nightmare because I'm going to have to do this all alone and my child will grow up with parents apart and with a father I wouldn't have chosen.
I've already had several conversations with friends, a social worker and the GGD. And I'm not getting any further. Going for an early abortion (heartbeat not yet detected) with a view to a possible future with a family together. Or choosing my future child and doing everything possible to make the situation as pleasant as possible?
Hi ladies,
First of all, I really appreciate it if other girls with similar experiences can 'help' me out here.
So I am PREGNANT. Currently 5 weeks and it's still very early. I'm not together with the father, who already has a daughter. We knew each other for a short time and it didn't seem to be going anywhere serious. Well, safe sex wasn't safe anymore and as a precaution I took the morning-after pill. This didn't work though and I saw a plus sign appear on the pregnancy test with trembling hands. My world collapsed. It's my biggest wish to become a mother, but not this way, not with him and I don't want an abortion because I find it painful, I think I'll regret it and it goes against my principles. 2 times it could have been prevented and then you just think this is how it should be. Anyway I don't want to keep it and I don't want to terminate it. I find it so incredibly hard that I have the choice in my hands. I never have that choice, and I never wanted to make it either.
The father absolutely does not want it and he prefers that I have 'it' removed. I'm thinking differently about it every day and I've given myself a deadline until next Sunday. I don't think I can live with myself if I perform an abortion and at the same time I deserve myself and a baby more than this. I'm really at my wit's end... I have such a strong desire for children and I see it as a miracle and at the same time I experience it as a nightmare because I'm going to have to do this all alone and my child will grow up with parents apart and with a father I wouldn't have chosen.
I've already had several conversations with friends, a social worker and the GGD. And I'm not getting any further. Going for an early abortion (heartbeat not yet detected) with a view to a possible future with a family together. Or choosing my future child and doing everything possible to make the situation as pleasant as possible?
Replies
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Anonymous Guest #2
This is really tough.
But here's what I think:
1. This baby didn't choose to be born. It just happened. It's a miracle it survived the morning-after pill.
2. Aren't you afraid that if you have it removed, you might never get pregnant again? Miracles still happen.
3. Of course you want to give your child a good foundation with a mom and dad, but you never have that kind of certainty anyway. But the baby will have a mom who loves it/her/him very much.
Wishing you lots of strength in making your choice. Nothing is right or wrong. Follow your heart but think it through carefully.
You can always choose to give this baby up for adoption if after giving birth you're sure you don't want to keep it. -
starz #3
Oh Louise, that sounds so tough with all those questions and thoughts weighing on you. I totally get that you'd have preferred the perfect picture: dad and mom together, planned out. But things took a different path for you. From what I read, you have a strong desire for children but wished it had all worked out differently.
I think it's great that you've given yourself until Sunday to decide, and then make a choice.
Wishing you all the best, whatever choice you make.
Love, Starz -
Anonymous Guest #4
What do you mean "accidental"? You know you get pregnant from unsafe sex. You said it already went well 2 times before. I think you're handling this very irresponsibly.
You shouldn't be looking at yourself now but at your child. Can you provide what a child needs? Are you stable? Enough income? Own house? Love? People around you who can support and want to help? Can you raise a child alone?
Regretting an abortion later is better than regretting your child. I think Sunday is really too soon. You're 5 weeks pregnant, give yourself a bit more time. Let the initial shock settle first. Then you can think and feel better about what you want and can do.
Whatever you choose, get an IUD afterwards. -
kruimel #5
Totally agree with Anoniem's words..! Good luck with everything
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Anonymous Guest #6
I’ve been in a similar situation once (minus the unsafe sex part).
I felt that a baby doesn’t deserve to grow up feeling unwanted by one of the parents.
I really wanted to keep it and had a huge desire for children, and was already in my late 20s. Still, I chose the abortion pill due to various considerations. Because, after all, it’s also possible to have an operative procedure in the first 7 weeks.
Why... because I thought I really couldn’t handle an abortion. With the pill, at least it comes out in a natural way. (Basically, a spontaneous miscarriage). And in my eyes, since I caused it myself, the only way is to lose it in the most natural way.
The considerations aren’t easy, and they never get easier. Not even if you do it with all the love for your child. Because yes, even people who have to make the choice sometimes do it out of love for the child instead of hoping that the child will be happy without everything you can’t give them.
I’m not going to say it won’t hurt, or that you won’t have regrets. Because you will, despite thinking your choice is right. I agree with Anonymous that it’s even worse to have regrets once you have a child. And there will be plenty of people saying, “Oh, I did it as a single mom too.” Well, let me tell you... being a single mom isn’t always a walk in the park, and if you’re not sure you can handle it alone, you should weigh your choice very carefully. Although being a mom is also very lovely.
Don’t let too many opinions lead you, and try to lay out the possibilities and pros and cons for yourself.
By the way, many other factors played a role for me, making this choice unavoidable. If people want to react negatively to my choice... -
Anonymous Guest #7
Hi Louise,
You can get the help you're asking for at www.erishulp.nl. Just check out their website.
Let me know how you're doing?
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