Forum 1st trimester

I'm afraid I'm on my own with this.

22 replies · page 1 of 2

missSheephead
Hey girls,

I'm really going through it right now, I could cry..
Last week I found out I'm pregnant.
I'm definitely happy about it, it was very much wanted..
My partner is the opposite though..
He says he is, but since day 1 he's been short and abrupt.
Not a single reaction of "oh, that's nice!"
He just keeps complaining about "how are you going to pay for this,
and your work this and that, one of us is going to have a breakdown,
I don't want a 2nd, I still want to be able to do plenty for myself"
This makes me scared, sad, angry and insecure.
You choose together, right?
Now the next part..

On Friday August 10th I have the first ultrasound..
(Then I'll be 8 weeks)..
The guy already made it difficult about getting time off,
since his colleague is on vacation.
So I hope he really goes with me, otherwise
I think this is truly worthless and I'll go alone.
I'm a bit nervous because I read enough
about empty gestational sacs... So far I haven't seen
anything unusual during bathroom visits...
I get occasional twinges, sometimes heartburn and
barely nauseous, just in waves basically.

Tomorrow we're going to tell his parents,
and because my boyfriend is like this, I'm scared
of their reaction too.
I have nice in-laws, but
they meddle in everything and everyone and
think they know best. He's stingy and she thinks
she's 20 when it comes to clothing style.
And a while ago she also thought she'd give me a lecture
by saying we shouldn't start having kids so late.
I decide that myself! I turn 30 in October and
my boyfriend is 33. The longer you wait, the less fertile you become??!!
He's also typically such a mama's boy, who
texts her daily, calls or stands on her doorstep for every fart. They should know themselves, which is exactly why I'm scared of what
they're going to say. It already feels unwanted,
for them then.. I'd definitely be for the baby.
Even if the relationship suffers.. My child goes
first anyway.
I just really hope he comes around,
otherwise I really won't be able to handle this.

Sorry for my long blog.. Just needed to
get it off my chest -x-

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. *Lotus* #2

    Well, that's pretty blunt of your boyfriend. Maybe he has cold feet. It's good that you're happy, but it's all still unknown. Maybe he still needs to get used to the situation. Regarding your mother-in-law, I'd set some boundaries about what you do and don't want. Before you know it, she'll be deciding things for the baby. Since her son is obviously her little darling, she's already talking about having a button made. He still has an embryo in your belly, and the baby still needs to be born first. You can also tell him not to get ahead of himself and to enjoy your happiness together. Lots of luck, and sometimes just moving forward is also a good option. I myself was a single mother for 7 years with 2 young kids, so it's really doable. But I naturally wish you a man by your side, but if he acts like this now...

  2. Anonymous Guest #3

    It might sound weird, but wouldn't you rather wait until you've had the first ultrasound precisely because she's so nosy? People often wait until 12 weeks themselves so they feel more reassured that everything is okay. But I totally get it if you want to share it anyway.

    I pretty much did all my ultrasounds alone. Never really had a problem with it. And always had nice chats with the midwife. I don't know if I would have found it important or nice to always go together. But well, maybe you just want to share the first one anyway. Anyway, don't stress too much about it and just enjoy it with or without your partner.

    Fertility does decline, but you don't need to worry about that right now; it takes a while, and then you'll have a higher chance of multiples again. Nature is strange. But you can probably still have kids for another 10-12 years. And here, even at 35, it worked out fine for me myself, even with few eggs.

  3. Mandy Guest #4

    For your friend, it might still feel completely unreal and incomprehensible. He doesn't feel the changes in your body like you do, and yes, I know what it's like to suddenly have to turn your life upside down. Maybe it would help if he saw the ultrasound, so he can imagine it a bit and who knows, he might come around.

    And if things go wrong, believe me, if you've already got everything sorted out for yourself, you'll manage on your own.

  4. missSheephead started this #5

    Thanks for your kind replies. I even had a chat with my dental hygienist on Monday. Given my age and being a single mom, she already said things would work out. It seems like she’s scared or something. I hope he’ll change too, because it’s not fun. He acts like nothing’s wrong, as if I’m the only one on this pink cloud. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law has a girl, and they spoil her rotten. Maybe they’re scared of having another grandchild. But anyway, we’ll see. I’ll do what I need to do, let him hang out his ego. That way, he won’t be a father, and the baby will have my last name if it comes to that! Not to mention a registered partnership.. No way!

  5. *Lotus* #6

    Definitely think before you start, because if I hear it like this, then it's all very special people in that family, and you might end up standing there alone too, even though you're together.
    Aside from all this, try to enjoy the little wish-baby growing in your belly
    Love

  6. missSheephead started this #7

    It'll be okay! I have a loving family who will accept the baby.. My sister will definitely help me.. It's just painful that my dad won't be able to experience it.. He passed away last year around this time.. So it's quite a double blow.. No contact with my mom because of arguments.. As if it all has to be this way...

  7. *Lotus* #8

    Sometimes things go the way they're supposed to, and it's nice that you have a loving, warm family Enjoy your pregnancy too, girl.....

  8. missSheephead started this #9

    Thank you! It'll definitely work out, right?

  9. N.L. #10

    So first off, congratulations on your little miracle!! It’s really upsetting and unpleasant to hear that your boyfriend is reacting like that. If I were you (I don’t know him, so don’t get me wrong), I’d sit down and talk this through.

    Explain your points clearly, especially with the conversation with his mom in mind. How do you want to tell them? And ask him to show respect towards you too. We told them at 6 weeks as well; we couldn’t wait. So I totally agree with you on that.

    My husband also calls his mom about everything, but that’s not a problem as long as you’re treated with respect. You’re on the same level as his parents now—you’re the mother of his child.

    Once again, try to be open and explain your feelings. If he doesn’t have any understanding for that, I wouldn’t go to meet his mom.. but give him the chance to understand. And you know, men always want to feel a bit right, so definitely give space for his emotions too, whether you agree with them or not. His feelings matter too, no matter how silly they seem to you. Make it discussable.

    Wishing you lots of success and I’m curious how it turns out.

  10. Falca #11

    Don't get me wrong, but the hormones that come with pregnancy probably make everything hit home even harder. Traits of your partner that you used to shrug off might now really get under your skin, and since you're taking responsibility for a fragile bundle of love, you're overthinking everything and sometimes seeing bears on the road that aren't actually there. Apart from that, your partner sounds like he could use a little chill pill too. He sounds, as you described, a bit like someone who's scared of what's coming without realizing what it's actually going to be like. I hope you're still able to enjoy your pregnancy and that you get a cloud-like baby.

  11. Anonymous Guest #12

    How are you and your partner doing now?
    Sounds pretty intense.

  12. missSheephead started this #13

    Better that way.. You can tell he's coming along on Friday.. First time to the UK.. We'll see.. Hopefully it's just getting used to it... Sweet of you to ask

  13. Marie #14

    Congratulations. Maybe he's scared. Was this pregnancy planned?
    My boyfriend was also scared. He was happy but also very scared. (He didn't have the most amazing parents himself, so he was very afraid he would become like his father.) Which really tempered his enthusiasm. Besides the ultrasounds, I did everything alone... the birth plan, the cards, he wasn't interested in baptism sugar. Eventually, everything came together when my son was a few months old, and he did feel a bond to our baby once he was born. The first few months were a search for him, although I never felt that way because I was very involved. But now... I couldn't wish for a better dad for our son.

    And now pregnant with #2. And he made it very clear that this time he's allowed to have more say, because otherwise there won't be any cards etc. So last week he already saw what I wanted and we discussed it together.

  14. MamaDoor #15

    MissSheephead, what a relatable situation!

    In early 2012, I was pregnant. My ex-husband was crazy about kids, but once I was pregnant myself, he couldn't care less. He was negative, told me I should have an abortion if I wanted to stay with him, otherwise I should just leave. I didn't have an abortion; I was convinced things would work out once my belly became more visible, or when he could feel the baby kick. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Then I thought, well, let the baby come first. Things will work out then.

    He also had an enormous bond with his mother. She was number one because she was sick and he took care of her every day. I had never made a big deal out of that before and helped as much as possible alongside my job. When she found out I was pregnant, she was very negative. I think it was because his attention for her would decrease, since he wouldn't be available for her alone anymore, and she'd have to share the attention not only with me but also with a baby.

    To keep a long story short... I did my utmost and had a pregnancy full of stress. My son cried for weeks after birth, probably because he felt the tension. When he was 6 weeks old, we broke up. It was the hardest decision ever, but I had to do what was best for my baby. He was absolutely unwanted, and I didn't want him to feel that.

    I wish you lots of strength! Hopefully, things will work out for you too. Listen to your gut. And sometimes, being with your child is better than being with his three exes and daily tensions.

  15. Krummeltie84 #16

    Sorry I'm only just now reading your reply. I replied anonymously last time (by accident).
    Nice to read that things are improving a bit. I hope he'll feel it too. But men are strange creatures and hard to get going...
    good luck wife

  16. Krummeltie84 #17

    By the way, how did he feel about it at the VK? And how is he reacting now?

  17. missSheephead started this #18

    He’s now been with me twice to the UK and to the hospital to get blood drawn.. He knows more about it now than he did before.. So please be more considerate of me.. Fortunately, it’s heading in the right direction.. I think it was just a moment where he needed to process things or something. I’m trying to do it as much as possible in his way by announcing it this weekend, hoping things will keep getting better.. Next Wednesday we’re already going to the municipality to register the child, since we’re not married etc... But the baby will be on my insurance policies.

  18. *Lotus* #19

    Miss sheephead how are you and your relationship doing now!!!!

  19. *Lotus* #20

    I see that our posts crossed each other. Glad it's better now

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