Forum 1st trimester

I'm pulling my hair out??

7 replies

Loesjee95
Hi everyone,

To my surprise, I found out I’m pregnant about a week and a half ago, all while I’ve had an IUD for just under 3 months. I didn’t believe it at first because I was absolutely convinced it wouldn’t happen to me with an IUD... After spending a fortune on all sorts of tests, I finally let it sink in and am only now really realizing it. I told the guy the baby is his with great difficulty; we don’t have a relationship, and I got the feeling he wasn’t that affected when I told him. The first thing he said was “you’re just gonna get it removed, right?” Ugh, that went down the wrong pipe and I was completely devastated Now he’s saying he wants to help me with everything and that we need to look for a solution together (which sounds very ambiguous), since he’s only looking at his own situation and it doesn’t suit him. On top of that, the problem is that I haven’t told anyone in my circle, which makes it even harder because that guy doesn’t live just around the corner.

I’m really not in favor of abortion; there are so many women who want children but can’t realize that wish, and I’d just be letting someone else have a baby. But I also see that the child most likely wouldn’t have a good future growing up in a stable family.

So right now I’m really struggling with myself, so many questions are running through my head... “what is wisdom?” “will I do well keeping it/getting rid of it?” “my future plans suddenly fall into a deep pit” “how do I deal with this?”

But mainly I just want to keep it quiet for as long as possible until I’ve made my own choice, also because my loved ones are anti-abortion or can’t have children themselves.

Do you maybe have some wise words for me that might help me look at this situation from a different angle?

Love

Replies

  1. Tooby #2

    I’d go to the doctor first, because being pregnant with an IUD still in place can be dangerous if you choose to keep the baby. The doctor needs to check as soon as possible whether the IUD is still there and, if so, whether you’d have it removed or left in place (both options carry risks).
    I myself am pro-life, so in that regard I can’t help you any further than your loved ones can.

  2. Anonymous Guest #3

    Although I’m also not in favor of abortion, I’ve been in a similar situation myself. I can’t make the choice for you, but I think it’s good that you’re looking at both sides. Because even if you’re against abortion, it’s a completely different thing when you’re actually in the situation and have to make the real decision.

    Since the chances of a good upbringing and medical risks were high, I chose the abortion pill. I didn’t want an actual abortion, but this way I had a miscarriage and it came out more naturally. That felt important to me. This is only possible up to 7 weeks, so you need to think carefully about what you want.

    I know many people will tell you to be against abortion, be happy, blah blah. But you’re the one facing the choice. I definitely don’t want to push you either way, since I’m also against it unless there’s a very good reason. But you’re already thinking about whether your child would have a good future. And well, I also thought about bringing a child into the world when I couldn’t give them what I’d want to give, and having them grow up knowing they weren’t wanted by one of their parents. Aren’t there already enough kids around with problems due to thoughtless choices? Well, those are the kinds of things you start thinking about.

    I think I made the best choice in my situation (with lots of love for a child I really wanted). But that doesn’t mean you won’t have sadness and pain. Consider whether you can emotionally handle it. Because it remains really difficult, even if you stand by your choice.

    I hope this helps you in some way.

  3. Gast Guest #4

    Whether you're for or against abortion is the same as whether you can/want to provide good or adequate care for a child. Someone might be against abortion, but they’re not in your shoes.
    No matter how hard it is and what others might say, remember that you’re the one facing this choice, and only you are the one who can/may decide what’s right. Others will happily share their opinions more than once. I’ve never faced this choice myself, but I’ve often wondered what if... Reach out to your GP; they’re the one who can support you here.
    I don’t know you, but I’m convinced you’re making the right choice!!

  4. Anonymous Guest #5

    Oh wow, what a tough situation for you! I wonder what kind of situation you're in. How old are you? Do you live on your own, etc.? All of this can play a role in your decision.

    Everyone will have an opinion about you or your situation, and unfortunately, we live in a country where more and more people will give you their unsolicited advice. This applies to every choice you make. If you choose an abortion, people will have something to say about it, but if you choose to keep the baby, people will have an opinion about that too. No matter how difficult it is, make your own choice and stand by it once you've made it. I don't think there's such a thing as a right or wrong choice, whichever one you choose. Choose what's best for you and the baby.

    Also, I agree with the advice to really go to your GP. A coil and pregnancy don't go together.

  5. Mamu Guest #6

    Wow, you're in such a tough situation... I've never experienced anything like this, but I really want to try and help you think it through. I have two kids and I enjoy every day with my girls, and I wish you the same joy with your own child. Because I love children so much and I'm against abortion, I just can't imagine it... I wish you lots of wisdom!

  6. Loesjee95 started this #7

    I'm 22 and still living with my parents. After the summer I'm moving out, and as things stand now, I'll be in an apartment with several working people, having only my own room while the rest is shared...

    I have an appointment on Tuesday at the GP's office to get my IUD removed. Because of Pentecost, this couldn't happen earlier since I only called last Thursday...

  7. Me Guest #8

    Oh wow, Loesje, what a story! Indeed, you're the one who has to turn left or right. There's no straight ahead anymore. What now? I'd ask your mom for help. You're her daughter, and she'll always support you, no matter what decision you make. Take everything into consideration and lay it out clearly. It's going to be a tough decision either way, so I wish you lots of strength in the coming period!

    Love,

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.