So unsure and scared

Hi anonymous.
Totally gettable. When I held a positive pregnancy test in my hands, I didn’t dare to be happy. I was afraid it wouldn’t make it past 12 weeks. After 12 weeks, I was cautiously enthusiastic. But still very scared for every ultrasound.
Every weird feeling or slight pain made me think something was wrong.
Unfortunately, I had this for 9 months.
It only really lifted when my son was born. Everything fell away.
Unfortunately, that feeling was taken from me again very quickly. Things weren’t going well after his birth. He had to stay in the hospital for a while. His breathing kept stopping, so he was thoroughly examined. Luckily, I can say nothing was found. But that scared me again too. Why does he keep stopping breathing?
In the end, I now have a cheerful little toddler and can say I no longer have any fears. But it’s been quite a process.
So fears are obviously not good. But keep holding on to the positive things. Every kick and movement in your belly should be cherished, and you should trust in your child’s strength. So... try to think positively.
But I completely understand you!

Thank you so much, I'm really doing my best but it's hard. Now it's also silly of me to go Googling because you'll naturally read the worst stories.
I hope the next 2 weeks go by quickly, I know for sure that I'll have a lot more peace of mind by then.

It's awful that it went on like that with your son, luckily nothing was wrong in the end but the fear must have been great and for you at that moment probably the feeling of "you just knew something wasn't right..."
With my eldest son (already a big teenager) I didn't have that fear at all, I'm so annoyed by this now, and then I try to hold on to those 2 good ultrasounds and then I think, what if I'm in the percentage where the little heart stops beating after all, I really drive myself crazy with that.