Mothers
Failing...
Cnudje_1Guest ·
Hi
Our little girl finally came after 7 ICSI attempts in Feb 2017.
I stayed home until the end of August (took all my parental leave at once and then some extra leave). Now I've been back at work since September and lately I've been feeling very emotional.
Our little one has been sick since day 1 at daycare (cold, coughing, runny nose,...) is a bit better now but now she has diarrhea and sore bottom... poor thing.
Lately I feel so guilty! I find it hard to find the perfect balance between baby, work, housework, social life... and I feel like I'm mainly failing when it comes to the baby side.
During the week I'm only home around 5:30-5:45 PM and our little one already goes to sleep at 7 PM. So I don't have much time with her anymore, because dinner still needs to be made, laundry and potty... pfft
We now have a cleaner for 14 days but I still feel like it's not enough. The other week I clean on Saturday, do my laundry, iron, grocery shopping... and before you know it Saturday is over and you've barely seen your daughter. (Dad takes care of it then)
My man is also busy painting our house because he wants to move! That on top of everything.
There's no stopping him, the board is already ready and by the end of October he wants to hang it up...
So we're also looking for a new home!
My man is also not a DIY guy (or is he :-) ), so either he wants a new build or a very recent home...
I have a new appointment in Jette in late November because I want to go for a 2nd.
I'm 40 now, so no time to delay, I'd say.
We had to wait 7 years for this miracle and now we know what the solution is, so I want to go for a 2nd.
You can't really plan kids, some can, some can't...
I feel like we both don't want the same things anymore sometimes. My man says he wants a 2nd, but not immediately... yeah, I can't wait long and won't either.
I've always said there will come a time when I want to work less because I want to be there for my child(ren). School drop-off and pick-up, doing fun things together on Wednesday afternoons, ... there are just things.
His mom was a homemaker and raised 5 children. He comes from a warm nest.
I'm an only child, and my mom died when I was 6. So I only have my dad left.
For me it's important to be there for my children, because I still miss my own mom and also feel that I missed a lot of what a mother can give her children. My dad never remarried or anything...
How is it for you guys? Did you also find it hard to combine everything?
We also don't have parents or in-laws who can help with childcare for our daughter (live too far and are also too old now)... but we knew that beforehand and I didn't have a problem with it.
Our little girl finally came after 7 ICSI attempts in Feb 2017.
I stayed home until the end of August (took all my parental leave at once and then some extra leave). Now I've been back at work since September and lately I've been feeling very emotional.
Our little one has been sick since day 1 at daycare (cold, coughing, runny nose,...) is a bit better now but now she has diarrhea and sore bottom... poor thing.
Lately I feel so guilty! I find it hard to find the perfect balance between baby, work, housework, social life... and I feel like I'm mainly failing when it comes to the baby side.
During the week I'm only home around 5:30-5:45 PM and our little one already goes to sleep at 7 PM. So I don't have much time with her anymore, because dinner still needs to be made, laundry and potty... pfft
We now have a cleaner for 14 days but I still feel like it's not enough. The other week I clean on Saturday, do my laundry, iron, grocery shopping... and before you know it Saturday is over and you've barely seen your daughter. (Dad takes care of it then)
My man is also busy painting our house because he wants to move! That on top of everything.
There's no stopping him, the board is already ready and by the end of October he wants to hang it up...
So we're also looking for a new home!
My man is also not a DIY guy (or is he :-) ), so either he wants a new build or a very recent home...
I have a new appointment in Jette in late November because I want to go for a 2nd.
I'm 40 now, so no time to delay, I'd say.
We had to wait 7 years for this miracle and now we know what the solution is, so I want to go for a 2nd.
You can't really plan kids, some can, some can't...
I feel like we both don't want the same things anymore sometimes. My man says he wants a 2nd, but not immediately... yeah, I can't wait long and won't either.
I've always said there will come a time when I want to work less because I want to be there for my child(ren). School drop-off and pick-up, doing fun things together on Wednesday afternoons, ... there are just things.
His mom was a homemaker and raised 5 children. He comes from a warm nest.
I'm an only child, and my mom died when I was 6. So I only have my dad left.
For me it's important to be there for my children, because I still miss my own mom and also feel that I missed a lot of what a mother can give her children. My dad never remarried or anything...
How is it for you guys? Did you also find it hard to combine everything?
We also don't have parents or in-laws who can help with childcare for our daughter (live too far and are also too old now)... but we knew that beforehand and I didn't have a problem with it.
Replies
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Anonymous #2
Hi Cnudje_1,
I know exactly what you mean. We also have a cleaner coming every two weeks, and we both work full-time. My husband works in shifts, so we take turns looking after the baby. I’m only home after 7 pm, so I can only give my little boy a goodnight kiss in the evenings.
You just have to learn to let go a bit.
It’s a search, but you’ll find your way
Best wishes,
Nathalie
www.littlejack.be -
Saartje #3
Hi Cnudje,
I totally get it! I’m currently on leave myself and hope to go back to work 2 days a week soon, but I really can’t even think about being away from our little one for 2 days yet. I’m considering quitting my job and being a stay-at-home mom if it doesn’t work out.
If it’s financially feasible, maybe you could consider that too? Your baby(ies) will only be this little once, and you should enjoy it! You can always work again when the kids are older
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SimoneS #4
So relatable, keeping all those balls in the air... lowering the bar a bit and making time for yourself to recharge is really important, by the way, also for your husband.
How long you had to wait for your baby, I can imagine you want to 'go ahead' right away, hopefully you'll figure it out together and your husband is truly behind it.
Warm regards, Simone -
Anonymous Guest #5
Work less. Working full-time and having a child, and then a second one too. I don’t get that. You don’t have kids to send to daycare anyway?
It’s nice that you have a cleaning lady, nice that you’re moving, and you want a second child, but you’re hitting a wall. Hit the brakes before it has big consequences.
Choose your child and your happiness. You clearly indicate that it’s too much. Keep the cleaning lady, keep your partner, keep your child, and work less. -
Falca #6
''You don't have kids to take to daycare''
Personally, I always get a bit uneasy hearing remarks like that. There's nothing wrong with sending your child to daycare, just as there's nothing wrong with sending them to school. Sure, daycare isn't school, but your child does learn a lot there. Like sharing, playing together, etc. Plus, not every mother or father (I'm not really into traditional role divisions) wants to stay home full-time to take care of the family. Some people also need to feel useful in other ways besides caring for the family. And that should be everyone's own choice without being judged.
What's important is that you're happy with the choices you make in your life. Whether you work full-time, part-time, or not at all, make sure you take advantage of the opportunities that make you happy with your life. A happy parent means a happy baby.
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