Pregnancy violence

Sounds clear to me. Get out of there. Now.

You're not alone anymore. A sweet little baby is growing inside you. That baby takes in and feels everything, truly everything. This situation is causing trauma; your child isn't even born yet.

There are plenty of organizations that can help you. Pack your most important belongings and go to the police.

Sending you lots of strength.

Time to get out of here!

I join my predecessors. This is not a normal situation and you don't want your baby to have to live like this.

Grabbing a knife and threatening to stab you, or squeezing your throat, is not normal behavior. It doesn't matter what he has been through. You and your baby deserve this!!! If he already treats you like this, will you ever trust him with your child??

Get out of this situation as soon as possible. Then you can calmly prepare for the arrival of your baby.
I would even inform your GP/midwife/gynecologist. After all, it can also pose a danger to your baby if you are attacked.

I wish you lots of strength and resilience. I know we can all say it easily, but you are the one who has to act, and that won't be easy at all.

Do you know the vicious cycle of violence? That's exactly where you are now! Every time he comes back sweet because he knows he was wrong, and you think "he's sorry, it won't happen again next time" but it happens again next time! You need to step out of this cycle and choose yourself, and especially your baby. I know it's easier said than done, but as others have said, you're not alone anymore! I believe this situation brings a lot of stress, and that's not good for your baby. And who says he won't do the same to your child later? I notice you try to rationalize it by saying you don't get beaten black and blue, but even touching you is not okay! Grabbing your throat and standing with a knife in front of you to actually threaten you with death, no, that really can't be!!! Be strong and leave this relationship! If necessary, with the help of your family, friends, or other authorities. Maybe also an idea to make a report (which is different from filing a complaint) with the police and ask for their help.

Anyway, get out of the situation. Maybe you could go back to live with your parents for a bit or something? I do believe people can change, but that at least requires him to gain insight into his own behavior. And if he won't talk and even blames you for his behavior, then nothing is going to change. Not even if he promises to do better a lot. So get out of the situation and let him work hard on himself first. And if the love is still as strong after that, you could maybe go to therapy together to build something up again.

But really think about your baby! The baby feels everything, already now, in your belly. So even if he wouldn't be violent towards the baby later on, if he is violent towards you, he/she feels that too.
Strength!

My previous relationship was also like this. When my ex had been drinking, which was like 4 or 5 times a week, I had to take the hits. It didn't matter what I said or did, it was never right. In his eyes, I always gave him reason to hit me, kick me, or choke me.

I did try to improve things, hoped it would work out. But unfortunately, it only got worse. Until the time the neighbors called the police and two officers were standing at the door.

Now, almost 5 years later, I have a normal relationship and I'm almost 18 weeks pregnant... I couldn't even think about my little one having to go through that, born or unborn.

Please choose yourself. You'll never forgive yourself if he does something to your child later on... lots of strength.

Liz, it's pretty intense for me to talk about easily since I'm not right in the middle of it. Of course, I wish you and your baby a safe and loving home.
Ask yourself what keeps you with him? That's terrible about your father, my condolences, girl! Sounds like it's doubly hard to leave your friend while pregnant and in mourning. Do you have someone you can turn to? I hope so.
Love, floydi

Dear Liz,
Wow, that's really intense!
Even though he's so sweet to you and you love him so much, you have to choose yourself first, and of course, that little one in your belly.
I know that's really hard.
I was also in a relationship like yours.
I was 3.5 to 4 months pregnant when my ex came home drunk, got angry at me, and then kicked me in the stomach.
The baby didn't survive.
I still blame myself for staying with him, after all the violence he had already used.
Don't agree to it! It's your body! If you feel that he hurts you and threatens you, you really shouldn't accept that! You'll regret it, Liz, believe me...
I don't know how your relationship is going, but he's already going way too far now.
If you don't want to leave him right away, you can tell him that you want to go to therapy together.
Because you feel that he doesn't treat you properly and you feel unhappy about it.
If he wants to do that too, to fix it because he loves you too, then that's a good sign.
Hopefully, everything will change then.
But if he doesn't want to, or if nothing changes, don't stay with him.
It's a problem he has, as you say at the end of your post, and you can't fix that.
He has to do that himself. And if he doesn't do it himself or doesn't know how to do it, you're putting yourself and your child in danger by staying with him.
It's really a very unpleasant situation! Stay strong and really stand up for yourself and your child!

Girl, seriously! I find this so awful! Sometimes you have to listen to your head instead of your heart. I'm praying for you!

Hi Liz,

From my perspective, your boyfriend's behavior towards you (and the baby) is unacceptable. The stress it causes you is also bad for the baby. On top of that, you've recently had to deal with something really heavy.

If I encountered you in my professional capacity and observed this, I would be obligated to intervene and advise you as follows:
If things at home get out of hand (grabbing by the throat, threatening with a knife), call the police for your safety and the baby's! Never ignore your gut feeling.
Talk to a professional about this and weigh your options. Many municipalities now have a social neighborhood team (which includes youth and family services) where social support can be provided.
Do you have support from your surroundings? If you decide to (temporarily) distance yourself from him so he can work on his own issues, will your friends and family support you? Are they your friends or are they his friends from the start?
Your health and that of the baby come first! Listen to your feelings. You've taken the first step by sharing your story here. I assume your gut is telling you that what he's doing isn't right.
Wishing you lots of strength in making the choices for you and the baby.
Best, TM

If you don't stand up for yourself (and I don't just mean by being fierce, but by not accepting this behavior), he's also manipulating you with his own death threats. I personally would find that a huge turn-off. Plus the fact that (even if it's just a slap or a push) he touches you inappropriately.

If you don't stand up for yourself, then stand up for your unborn baby. Because believe me... you want a role model father, and he doesn't fit that role. No matter how sweet he can be. But the tricks he pulls are NOT excusable.

Either he talks to someone, or you just leave. And if he comes at you again with some lame remark, just think to yourself, "This is the right decision in my life."

I'd rather be happy alone (with your baby) than in this situation where you're wronged.

Do you realize how this could end? Because his jokes are already too sick for words.

Open your eyes, girl. (K)

Hi Liz,
I just saw your story pop up here on the forum, and I was wondering how you're doing now? I hope everything's good with you and your little one.