Forum 1st trimester

Missed miscarriage

14 replies

Kelsey
Pregnant with my first baby, and it was love at first sight. My happiness was complete until last Wednesday night. Severe stomach pain and cramps (I doubled over). No bleeding, so I thought it was probably just my intestines. A dream pregnancy, of course with some minor ailments... but everything was going smoothly. Should I call the midwife or not? Or should I? How does that actually work? What uncertainty.

But I called anyway. They asked if I could come by in 2 hours to rule out 'scary things'. My husband was an hour's drive away for training, and I had to go alone. Bad news: a missed miscarriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant, but the baby had stopped growing after 4 weeks. Fortunately, it never developed into a baby with a beating heart, as they put it.

And then I went home alone and had to tell my husband the bad news in the evening. I tried to stay brave because I knew I’d be alone until last night. Of course, I cried. But not like I did today. I’m angry at my body. Why did it play tricks on me? Those hormones certainly didn’t help.

Now, I’ve stopped taking vitamins... I’ve put away the first baby clothes I bought and called other mothers for advice. Waiting for a natural miscarriage. I’m insecure and anxious. What can I expect? I’m sad, but also grateful. That I could experience this pregnancy so beautifully and carefree until this week. Now at 8.5 weeks, things are falling apart everywhere. I feel it’s coming, but when. Headache, back pain... almost like I’m about to get my period.

A next pregnancy will never be the same or carefree again. I feel gloomy and alone... even though I know many women go through this.

I’d really appreciate some support from you all. How did you cope with this? When did you get over it? And more importantly... did you get pregnant again after the miscarriage? And how soon?

I don’t want to dive back in so quickly... I still find it scary. But that’s mostly because another miscarriage is looming...

Replies

  1. pluisje1983 #2

    I’ve never had a miscarriage myself, but my sister did, and unfortunately, it didn’t start on its own. She got pregnant again very quickly though!
    But I just wanted to send you lots of strength, let all your feelings flow freely, and lean on the loving people around you! It’s no small thing, so give yourself some time too!!!

  2. Kelsey started this #3

    @pluisje1983
    Thank you for your kind words. I also hope it continues. Things like this can really make you feel insecure. I don’t usually post something online so quickly, but this definitely helps.

  3. Vlinder87 #4

    Kelsey.
    First of all: I'm so sorry you're going through this too.
    Give yourself time to process it. It's not nothing.
    I've had 2 miscarriages myself. The first time, I got bleeding on the day of the positive test. I called the midwife and the doctor. They assumed it was a miscarriage. 4 weeks later, I still had a positive test. I was referred to the hospital for an internal ultrasound. Indeed, a miscarriage. I was already clean but the hCG hormone can stay in your body for up to 6 weeks after a miscarriage. It was very sad and especially uncertain. My body had been fooling me all that time.
    After 3 months, I was pregnant again. Very unsure and scared. Week 6, I started bleeding again. Had an ultrasound this time at a different hospital because I didn't want to live in uncertainty for so long again. Everything was already gone. I was bleeding quite heavily.
    After 3 months, pregnant again and now a proud mother of a 1.5-year-old son.
    Pregnant for the 2nd time now. Got pregnant right away. First very unsure but had more trust in my body.

    Trust your body, but especially take your time. Give it a place. Do what feels right for you. Strength.
    X

  4. Anonymous Guest #5

    Dear girl, it's so awful to go through this!
    It feels like you're failing, but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it yourself!
    I struggled with it for a long time! In June, during the 3rd ultrasound, I was told it wasn't good!
    I was supposed to be 9 weeks pregnant, but the heartbeat had stopped at 7 weeks! I wanted it out of my body as soon as possible! The next day I had a D&C!
    Then hell began for me!! The long, long wait! After 3 months still no period, went back to the gynecologist, she saw that I had ovulated.. 2 weeks later still nothing, went back again! Turns out I had adhesions, which were cut open!
    After that, my cycle was "normal" again. I always had an irregular cycle, so it took a bit longer than average! But in my 2nd cycle, just before Christmas, I got a positive pregnancy test!

    The pregnancy hasn't been without worries, luckily I had good support from my gyn.. every week until 12 weeks I had an ultrasound!
    Now I've had the 20-week scan and now that I feel the little boy, the enjoyment begins.

    Girl, it helped me a lot to write everything out! Moments when I felt so crappy, I'd grab my notebook and write it down.
    And especially talk a whole lot with the people around you!

    In the end, it'll be okay, girl.

  5. Leanai #6

    Sending you lots of strength! ❤️

  6. Kelsey started this #7

    What such sweet messages, ladies. Thank you.
    Unfortunately, the miscarriage isn't starting on its own, and I have to go back to the emergency room this afternoon and will be referred to the hospital. So disappointing, but there's nothing I can do.
    Physically, I feel exhausted. It really feels like a battle is being fought. Mentally, it leaves you confused. No blood lost at all; could they have been wrong after all? Probably not though..

  7. sneeuwvlokje #8

    Sending you lots of strength, Kelsey! It's so frustrating that the miscarriage isn't passing on its own. Hopefully, the hospital can give you some more clarity so you can close this chapter for yourself.

    I've also had two early miscarriages myself. The first time, I had a little bit of bleeding the day after a positive test, and after a check-up with my GP, it turned out to indeed be a miscarriage (hCG levels dropped). The following month, I got pregnant right away, and I had my hCG checked in my blood again to see if it was rising nicely. Unfortunately, at 5 weeks it turned out it was miscarried again, and the hCG dropped once more. This second time, I only had a tiny bit of brown discharge (for about half a day or so), and that was it. Otherwise, I didn't notice anything at all. But according to my GP, that wasn't abnormal for such an early miscarriage. She monitored my hCG until it went back down to zero completely, and then we were allowed to try again. The second time, I was really sad about it, and it took a while before I could put it in perspective. But we kept trying, and four months later, it was successful again. This time, it's a placental pregnancy, so I'm now 24 weeks pregnant .

    I'm cheering really hard for you to get physically and mentally back on your feet soon, and to get a placental pregnancy then .

  8. Leanai #9

    Dear Kelsey..
    I'm going through exactly the same thing RIGHT NOW. Just got back from the hospital

    Xxx

  9. Leanai #10

    Hi Snowflake,
    Congratulations!
    Quick question, did you get pregnant right after that month? Wow! Was it a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy? Sorry for asking like this, I'm going through it myself now I'm reading tips and advice on getting pregnant after a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage

    Xxx

  10. MamaN #11

    Oh, dear, that's really hard to read. Sending you lots of strength for the coming days. I had a miscarriage myself. For me, the aftermath unfortunately lasted a bit longer, about four weeks in total before I was clean again because of a retained piece of gestational sac. I could only really give it a good place in my heart once I was clean. Two weeks after I was clean, I got my period again, though the bleeding was different than usual. And the following month, I was already pregnant again. So it can happen very quickly.

  11. sneeuwvlokje #12

    So sorry to hear that, Leani, that you had a miscarriage. Strength to you!

    Officially, it was a 'biochemical pregnancy' for me because it happened so early (after a bit more than 4 weeks). I probably passed the gestational sac naturally with that small amount of bleeding I had, but it was so tiny that I didn't even notice it.

    I found it really special that I got pregnant again a month later because I normally have a long, irregular cycle (usually more than 70 days), and then suddenly ovulated just two weeks later, so much faster than usual.

  12. Leanai #13

    Oh Leanai, that's really hard to read. Wishing you lots of strength in the coming weeks. I had a miscarriage myself. Unfortunately, the aftermath was a bit longer for me; it took about four weeks in total before I was clean due to a retained piece of the gestational sac. I could only really put it behind me once I was clean. Two weeks after I was clean, I got my period, though the bleeding was different than usual. And the following month, I was already pregnant again. So it can happen very quickly.
    MamaN.

    MamaN, thank you so much.
    Did you induce it with medication, or via curettage? My curettage is scheduled for next week..

  13. Leanai #14

    Sneeuwvlokje, that is indeed special! It's beautiful how our bodies take care of everything themselves, each one unique, of course.
    My priority is actually, no matter how I feel about it, that I want to get it out of my body there was no life from the start, just a gestational sac..2cm sac, but no life.
    And my hcg was so high because of the placenta, my gyn told me today. All quite peculiar.
    Xx

  14. MamaN #15

    For me, it started naturally 2 days after the ultrasound at 8.5 weeks. The baby had actually been deceased in my body for 3 weeks already, but since I had the ultrasound later, I didn't know sooner. Luckily, they were able to remove the last part of the gestational sac with forceps, so a D&C wasn't necessary.

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