Forum 2nd trimester

Disappointed with the gender?

19 replies

MaanGuest ·
Hi everyone,

We’ve recently found out that we’re expecting a boy. I’ve been thinking all along during the pregnancy that it would be a boy, but it still came as a bit of a shock. So it’s definitely not a girl. I’m having a bit of trouble with that, even though I feel like I was fully prepared for a boy.

Our little boy is completely healthy, and I’m super happy about that, of course, but there’s a feeling that won’t let go. And I feel so bad about that!!

I do hope to have a girl someday. But I get the impression that people generally prefer having a girl. Comments like “you should have a girl because you can only have one” or “the mother-daughter bond is so special.”

I hope everyone is happy that it’s a boy, and that I can get rid of this feeling.

It’s so weird that I feel this way, because in terms of clothes, mindset, etc., I was already fully prepared for a boy.

Does anyone relate to this? Or can someone reassure me that this is normal? Don’t get me wrong—I’m truly grateful to have a healthy boy growing inside me.

Replies

  1. Anonymous Guest #2

    I was a bit confused at first that my second was a girl. Not really disappointed, but I always saw myself more as a boy mom than a girl mom. I also pictured myself more happily playing soccer with my little one than fussing over her hair. But now that she's here, I couldn't imagine life without her. You're definitely not the only one who feels this way, and once your little one is healthy and resting on your belly, you'll likely lose that feeling for sure.

  2. Maan started this #3

    Disappointed isn't quite the right word either. It's just so definitive and a bit confusing, indeed.

  3. MamaN #4

    I also had the feeling I was having a boy, and that’s exactly what I got. But I was always geared towards girls, and even after the ultrasound, I still went looking for pink dresses This is also the first boy on my side of the family. My son is now 1.5 years old, and I still sometimes go to the girls' section, haha. But believe me, you become a boy mom naturally; I really do boy stuff with him. And actually, especially when they’re still babies, it doesn’t matter so much what the gender is because they do the same things.

  4. Amy #5

    I had that same feeling with my first baby after we heard at the gender scan that it was a boy. Especially because I secretly hoped for a girl since I always pictured myself as a mom to a girl, and the scan went like this... I see, I can't see it clearly... oh wait, I think it's a girl... no, it's actually a boy.

    But I can tell you, I'm totally won over. If I had known beforehand that boys are so lovely too, I would never have been "disappointed" after the scan. And nowadays there's so much cute stuff for boys too.

    I'm now expecting a girl, and I had assumed it would be a boy again, so I was really surprised when it turned out to be a girl.

    By the way, the boy-mom bond is amazing too. Boys are usually cuddlier than girls anyway.

  5. liesx #6

    I was sure I had a girl in my belly, and that’s exactly what it was. Do you kind of feel that way too... But boys are absolutely lovely for their moms!! I believe that no matter what, boy or girl, the bond with your child is special.

  6. Maan started this #7

    Thank you all! My silly feeling is completely gone! Thank goodness, because I felt so guilty about it. Super sweet responses.

  7. Medea #8

    Hi,
    I totally get how you feel. But boys are really sweet!! And indeed, they’re very loving towards their mom.
    Plus, once they’re here, you won’t even think about whether it’s a boy or a girl anymore. It’s just your baby, end of story.

  8. Lott #9

    Hey love, I just read your topic now..
    Had the gender scan yesterday. While I was really hoping for a girl, it is indeed a boy as I thought. So far, as far as we know, everything is healthy so no reason for weird feelings. Now I feel so down all day, I could just cry and it makes no sense.. Did this go away on its own for you guys? Of course I hope to have a girl someday...

  9. Knorretje #10

    Good afternoon ladies,
    My partner and I also have a very strong wish. Especially since this will be my only pregnancy. The most important thing is that it's healthy.

  10. edvige #11

    Oh, so relatable!
    I really wanted a girl because my husband already has a boy who’s almost four. So it was a huge blow when I found out at 16 weeks that it was a boy. I didn’t even dare to tell my family and friends how disappointed I was.

    But luckily, I’ve made peace with it now!

  11. mama2 #12

    Hi! It’s just because you have to say goodbye to the idea of having a boy or a girl. You think you’re having a girl, but then you get a boy. Then you have to let go of the thoughts you’ve had (buying clothes, etc.), and only then can you get new, nice thoughts. In the past, they didn’t know what they’d get… and then you just got your baby in your arms… Sometimes I think that’s better! But I’m also very curious, you know! I want to know as soon as possible too.

  12. Bianca Guest #13

    During my first pregnancy, I had that too, really. I just knew it would be a boy, but I had hoped so much for a girl. And when we had the 20-week scan, it turned out to be a boy, so I did shed a little tear. I think it's totally fine to have a preference and to feel disappointed for a bit. Now he's over 2, and from the moment he was born, I've been head over heels in love with him. He's such a sweetheart and a little rascal! Now I'm pregnant with baby #2 (25 weeks), and this one's going to be a girl, so I wiped away a tear of joy too????

  13. Anonymous Guest #14

    I'm pregnant with my 5th now. I had hoped for a girl with my 3rd, but no, another boy for the 4th, and now I'm pregnant again with another boy. My first two are also boys. I'd so love to have 2 boys and 2 girls. But you don't get to choose. My boys are super. It's your child, girl or boy. But you naturally want one of each gender. But that's not always possible. I think I'll try one more time and then I'll have enough.

  14. Lara220610 #15

    You can't choose, right? But reading this, you're also happy with a boy, aren't you?
    I'm 15 weeks pregnant now, also with a boy.
    I would have preferred a girl, but I'm glad the first one is a boy.
    My reassurance is that if the second (or one after that) is a girl, she'll at least have an older brother.
    I think that's quite important for a girl, to have an older brother.
    But on the other hand, I can understand the slight disappointment too! I would have loved a cute girl in my arms who will play with dolls later.
    But every advantage has its disadvantage and every disadvantage has its advantage, right?
    Anyway, have a lot of fun with the pregnancy!

  15. Anonymous Guest #16

    Ever since my first pregnancy was terminated, I thought that if I got pregnant again, I’d definitely have a girl. I really wanted a girl (a boy too, of course) because it would be nice to have daughters across generations.
    Today I found out that my gut feeling was right and I’m having a boy.
    Even though I expected it, it was still really hard to hear that it’s not a girl. I think that’s silly of me. I’m also happy to have a healthy son. Thanks for helping me let go of the thought and hope I had. But I feel a bit bad about how I’m feeling right now.

  16. Hummeltje #17

    Lol, so relatable! It's true, it's not really a disappointment because you're just as happy with what you get. But your own image of how you imagined it is like a popped balloon My first was a girl, my second a boy, my third a girl. I had a strong feeling this one would be a girl again, but I really wanted a boy! It was kind of sad for my son to have all those girls around him! And besides, I just wanted to experience it all again hahaha. But we're having a girl.. On the first day, people said "how nice" and I said "yes, very nice" but I didn't sound happy at all. Well, I was kind of disappointed somewhere hahaha. But now.. a few days later, my shopping cart is full of girls' clothes (all the boys' stuff got thrown out) and in my head, it's completely switched! Can't wait!

  17. Mama3 Guest #18

    Yes, that's totally normal. I don't know if it's allowed here, but do you know www.genderbalance.nl? They have a method for having a girl, and also for boys. Has anyone tried it?

  18. Gwen #19

    With my first pregnancy, we didn’t know the gender until birth. I think that helps. I really wanted a boy and had a feeling for 6 months that it would be a boy. My mom even bought a blue teddy bear. When she was born, she ended up on the resuscitation table. I still didn’t know what it was. After 5 minutes, a doctor said, "It's a girl." Then I said to the midwife standing next to me, "That's impossible, she's not mine" hahaha. Of course, it was just a joke. But you have to switch gears so quickly in that moment. It was especially weird saying her name because you've already secretly said the boy's name a few times in your head. But we're super happy with our girl. And again, when you only find out after birth, you're happy with everything. How cliché 'as long as it comes into the world healthy' and that was still quite a worry for us. By the way, we don't want to know the gender for the next pregnancy either. But getting used to the idea isn't so bad at all!

  19. Anonymous Guest #20

    Wow, so many people who really wish for a girl and not a boy, hehe.
    We (my mom especially) always really wanted a boy. The first two are girls, and now we're pregnant again but don't know what it'll be yet. But my gut feeling says another girl. I really, really want a son too; my husband would be so happy. I think that's why the wish is so strong for me, because honestly, it doesn't really matter to me as long as the baby is healthy.

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